The Modest Journal

Entry 55: 29 Lessons Learned

Thu, 08 Jan 2026 21:10:19 GMT

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” ― William Shakespeare

It’s that time of year again, as some of you who have been around a while may know. Today is my birthday, which means I am another year older and allegedly wiser. I take the time each year on my birthday to reflect on some lessons that I may have learned over the past year, and I have been sharing them with you all over the last EIGHT years. Some people say that they look forward to reading these, and I honestly look forward to writing them.

Thank you for all of your kind words and sweet messages. It really means a lot to me. Especially because my birthday falls in the busy season for everyone.

Without further ado, here are the 29 things that I learned in 2025 in honor of my 29th year of life:

If you ever feel dumb, list an item on Facebook Marketplace. You will realize you are a lot smarter than most of the people you interact with there.
Don’t fall into overconsumption; you don’t need 16 of the same item because it is a different pattern, or it’s “rare” or “trending.” More often than not, less is more.
Social media has made some people believe they are correct when really they are just loud. If you did half as much for your community as you did behind your keyboard, maybe the world would actually change for the better.
Not all movies need a sequel, or five. Sometimes we need to know how to let a good thing go. I’m looking at you, Fast and Furious 394.
Take time to be with those who matter to you, and stop investing it in those who don’t. Time is the only currency we can’t get more of.
It’s great to have people in your life who can help you, but try your best before you ask for help. Sometimes we become reliant on others for things we can accomplish ourselves.
How other people live their lives is often none of your business. We don’t always have to be, do, think, act, or look the same. It is what makes this country so beautiful.
Stop thinking of purchases in terms of dollars. Look around your house at all the things that used to be money, and money that used to be time. I’m much less likely to buy something when I think about how many hours of my life it would cost me to make that much money.
Rescue an animal. The number of loving, sweet, and innocent animals that need homes is astronomical. Every one of them deserves a home, and they would repay you tenfold. We do not need to support the breeding of animals when there are so many that require a home,
Before you get serious with someone, see how they are under pressure, when angry, and when building furniture. Your partner supports you through some of the roughest moments in your life. Pick a good one.
Take care of your body. Everyone deserves to be strong, healthy, and confident. Although it is not easy, it is worth it.
If you get to the front of the line and it is your turn to order, know what you want. It’s not cute to waste other people's time.
Be kind to staff, whether it’s retail or wait staff. They work really hard for not a whole lot in return, and a lot of your issues are out of their control.
Work for a company that values you and the work you do. I have worked in many places where the leadership didn’t value their employees, and a few that did. Find the good ones, you will be surprised how much of a difference they make.
For goodness' sake, unclench your jaw; you probably are doing it right now. When did we all get so tense? Literally loosen up.
Go easy on the younger generations. Lots of people get annoyed with their slang. “67” is popular now, but it used to be “1738”, “21”, and “8675309”. Each generation does it; don’t forget you were once considered one of the young ones.
Most people are in therapy because the ones who need it refuse to go. Take a good look in the mirror at how your actions impact others, and maybe do some work to fix yourself so someone else doesn't have to pay for the effects.
For the love of God. Stop kissing babies that aren’t yours. I don’t know why this is still a thing in the year of our lord and savior 2025. But if you wouldn’t want an open-mouth kiss from a stranger in a grocery store, then don’t expect parents to be okay with it for their kids.
Kids learn from doing. As hard as it is to watch them make mistakes and fall, they need to. They only get one life to live; let’s help them live it to the fullest instead of bubble wrapping them and tucking them away.
Read a book or five. Some of the best places I have ever heard of can be found between the pages of a book. Plus, the airfare is free.
Sometimes you can be happy, or you can be right. Choose which matters more. Some fights just aren't worth picking with the people we love. Being right isn’t always worth it.
Learn a skill or a craft. In a world of instant gratification, there is something really powerful in making, creating, building, working, or growing something for yourself.
Shop small when you can. The difference between your contribution to a small business and a giant corporation is astronomical. One puts food on a family's table, and the other is pennies to millions.
My dad is one of the most understanding people that I know. If there is ever a situation I need advice on, I know that I can go to him and I will feel understood. He's always been an amazing dad, but now it is fun to watch him be an amazing Grandpa too.
My mom has always been one of the most compassionate people that I know. But watching her tackle her new role has proven that to me tenfold. She has given so much time to people who needed an ear, and she takes everything they tell her to heart and home with her. It’s one of the many things that make her the best Grandma.
My brother is continuously growing up in front of my very eyes, and it’s a blessing to witness. This year, I got to see my brother's relationship change and become stronger as the long distance ended and they became located in the same state again. It's cool to see something that he and his girlfriend have poured into bloom in such a big way.
Each year, I think I couldn’t love my husband more, but I do. This year, I got to see my husband as my partner through pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenthood. Each day, I love him more. He has been a fantastic partner to me and an even better dad to our little dude. I am so glad I chose you to be his dad.
This time last year, we knew we were pregnant and had not announced it yet. So this means that this is the first year that my son has been included in this. Cannon, you have taught me so much about the world in the few months that you have been with us. Not only are we constantly learning from you, but you have brought the color back into our lives. Holidays are magical, little things are mind-blowing, life has truly become an adventure again, and I am so blessed that God picked me to be your mom.
When they say time flies, believe them. It’s very cliché, but don't take it for granted. Ever since having my son, I have realized how finite life is. How little time we get with the ones we love before we leave them. Don’t waste a single moment of it. When we look back on our lives, we will not be thinking about the trivial things like how we looked or who didn't like us. We will be thinking about the ones we love most and what we would do for just one more moment with them.

Thank you, as always, for the birthday wishes and for taking the time to read my lessons every year. I hope that you all will still be here reading when I am 80.

If you like reading stuff like this, there is an entire blog full of it available to you. No pressure, though. www.themodestjournal.com

Have the best 2026, and remember that this year will be what you make of it.

Love you more,

Morgan

Entry No. 54: The Day You Changed Our Lives

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 20:38:00 GMT

"And she loved a little boy very, very much — even more than she loved herself." — Shel Silverstein

To Our Son Cannon: You are loved, believed in, protected, and supported more than you could ever imagine. Why? Just for being you, no strings, no conditions, no stipulations. You and you alone will always be enough.

It's been a bit since I sat down to write, and well, for good reason. A lot has changed in the past five months since I last posted an entry. Our son was born a few months ago, and he has changed our priorities and the amount of time and effort we have to dedicate to other things, and rightfully so.

I am not sure if this post will be inspirational, helpful, or motivational for anyone in any way. In all honesty, it might serve as a dumping ground for some of the thoughts and feelings that have been sitting on my chest, spewed out onto the keys in a very “all over the place” manner. But it is real, and it's raw, much like I have found motherhood to be.

My son was delivered via scheduled C-section. He was measuring quite large, and the doctors were growing concerned with his size and delivery as well as shoulder dystocia. Aka, they were concerned that he would be stuck in the birth canal, leading to an emergency c-section, or, as I was told, they could try to “gently break his clavicle to get him out.”

I don't know about you, but I refuse to “gently” break a bone in my kid so I can have the “badge of honor” of a vaginal birth. I am not saying a vaginal birth isn't worth celebrating, but becoming a mom is hard in any fashion; none of it is ever easy. I am saying I would never allow my son to suffer so I could have bragging rights.

I know some people don't view a C-section as “birth,” but I can assure you it is. When you are pulled into that room without your partner, practically naked, terrified, and surrounded by people who are just experiencing another day at work, just to be numbed, restrained, and cut into while you are awake, praying the whole time that you survive, it's not easy. Its birth. It's love. It's motherhood.

Being that I was scheduled to have my son, unlike the birth experience where I always imagined some dramatic water breaking moment and scrambling to the hospital like in the movies, it was pretty simple. Call the doctor, schedule the appointment, prepare for surgery, walk in, and have a baby. Each way has its pros and cons, but it was nice to be able to know when he was coming.

Although the night before he was born was worse than any night before Christmas or the first day of school that I ever had as a kid, or even the night before my wedding. The anticipation was insane. I was feeling so much excitement to meet my son, but also so much fear that both he and I would be okay the next day. I spent most of the night writing letters to my family members in the event that I didn't survive the next day. The morning of my son's birth, as we gathered the last-minute items to go to the hospital, I told my husband, “If I don't make it, both my will and my letters to my loved ones are on my Google Drive.” I told him I didn't want to ruin the mood of the day with my fear, but I never wanted to leave him unsure of what to do, and from then on, we just didn't talk about it. We drove to the hospital, and we had our son.

Later that day, I asked him if he would want to read what I wrote to him the night before, and he said he never wanted to read the letter, and he still hasn’t. In fact, he was, until this moment, the only one who knew they were written. I have never seen that man look more terrified than when I was on the operating table and more relieved than when both our son and I were safe. I truly could not have done it without him, and I am grateful for him and love him even more every day.

Preparing for a C-section was terrifying. I knew the risks were higher, I knew what was going to happen to me, I knew the recovery would be worse, and I walked into that room head held high and determined to leave it alive.
I am very lucky. I had an incredible medical team who made the process so smooth for me that I am so happy I chose to do a C-section. Our son was born with the cord around his neck, and his head and shoulders measured more than 10 cm around, confirming he most likely would have been stuck and unable to breathe. Resulting in an emergency C-section anyway and a whole other litany of potential complications and risks. But we made the choice ahead of time, and it was the right one.

God’s plan is always the best way.

Postpartum was like nothing I had ever experienced. At the time, I just wanted the pain and sleepless nights to end. But now, as my son sleeps through the night and I feel just a tad more normal, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. I never thought I would miss that hospital room when I walked out of it. But as he continues to grow, learn, and change right before my very eyes, a part of me longs for the hours/days old baby who wailed and the parents who had no clue how to make it stop. It's hard to remember a place and time that we can never go back to. It feels like just yesterday, but also a lifetime ago.

I love the person he is, and miss the person he was, and I am excited for the person he will be all at the same time. It's such a complicated feeling to describe, but I am sure that every parent out there can relate.

I have always loved kids. From a very young age, I have always wanted to be a mom. I taught many children over the years, from my first Preschoolers I ever worked with in 2012 to the last class in 2018. I have babysat and nannied for countless families and kids. If you know my story, then you know I was a step-mother to a sweet girl as well for almost the first year of her life. I have always LOVED kids. After over a year of trying, I can honestly say there was a point when I was afraid I would never get to have one of my own and have the family I always dreamed of. Every child is a blessing, but in our eyes, our miracle baby takes the cake. When you struggle and almost lose hope for so long, the light at the end of the tunnel shines just a little brighter.

To those out there in any form of fertility struggle, loss, or challenge, as it involves kids, trying to conceive, external pressures from people who have no idea what you are going through, or the unspeakable grief of losing a child, I see you. If you ever need someone to talk to, my door is always open. My heart is with you.

As I become more of Morgan the person again and a little less of Morgan the mom, I am starting to do the things that I love to do. Dusting off the books, the crochet hooks, and most importantly, the laptop keys. I hope to get back into all things blog and writing because I miss it. As this is my 54th entry, one can assume I have a lot to say, and holding it all in for months, you can only imagine how full my head is.

But it is not nearly as full as my heart or my arms are nowadays.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Love you more,

Morgan

Cannon’s Mom

Check this out Corner:

Baby Einstein's Free Spotify Playlist

If you have kids or even if you don't, classical music is great for everyone. As said in the Disney Pixar Movie The Incredibles, “Who is ready for some neurological stimulation?”

Entry No. 53 : Never Again.

Mon, 12 May 2025 15:05:00 GMT

“If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night." - Mark Green

Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence and Abuse.

If you need to skip this blog post, I understand.

I packed everything I had into the car and walked out the door with nothing but fear in my chest, freedom in my mind, and a police officer at my back.
Eight years ago, I made the hardest decision of my life.

I didn’t have a plan.

I didn’t know what came next.

All I knew was that staying would kill me, and leaving—no matter how terrifying—was the only way I had a chance.

What followed wasn’t easy. But it was mine . And I held on tightly to that truth, even when it felt like I was holding broken glass.

Piece by piece, I began to rebuild a life I never thought I’d get to live.
This year, this post cuts deeper than it has in years past because I’m pregnant with our little boy. Being asked at the appointments if I am safe and my son is safe is bittersweet. While yes I am safe and loved and cared for, my heart goes out to those who can not truthfully say the same for them or their babies.

My son would not exist if that younger version of me hadn’t fought like hell to survive.

She was scared. She was isolated. She was ashamed. But she chose herself — and in doing so, she chose him too, long before he was ever conceived.

He will also be raised so your daughters will be safe with him.

He will be raised so no woman fears for their life in his presence.

He will be raised to know that strength is not in dominance, but in compassion.

He will be raised to understand that love never bruises. — not your body, not your voice, not your sense of self.

He is proof that the light at the end of the tunnel was so much brighter than I ever could have imagined.

Here’s the truth:

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

And when survivors finally escape? The battle isn’t over. It just shifts.
We are:

3x more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders
3x more likely to be diagnosed with depression
3x more likely to meet the criteria for PTSD
3x more likely wrestle with thoughts of self-harm, shame, and suicide.

Every year, these statistics shake me. Every year, they remind me that even if this story doesn’t belong to you, it does belong to someone you love.

Someone close.

Someone quietly surviving.

I share my story to reach the woman sitting in silence, wondering if she’s overreacting. To reach the man who hasn’t told anyone what goes on when the doors close. I share it to encourage you to believe survivors. To remind you to be the friend who shows up. To say, in no uncertain terms, that I will never be silenced again.

Because abusers? They are masters of blame. They don’t just hurt you — they convince you it’s your fault.

If I hadn’t had that tone...
If I hadn’t worn that...
If I hadn’t walked that way to class...
If I hadn’t smiled when he spoke...
If I hadn’t told him he upset me...
If I hadn’t...
If I hadn’t... If I hadn’t...

I believed every single one of those lies.

Until I didn’t.

And here’s the most heartbreaking part: he hasn’t stopped . As of September, my abuser has acquired new charges — for further endangering his children.

This isn’t the first time. It won’t be the last.

And let me be very, very clear: none of it is anyone else’s fault but his.

If you are reading this and feel seen — know this:

You are not crazy
You are not alone
And you are not too late to save yourself

Your story doesn’t have to end in silence.

Mine didn’t.

My son has an incredible example of what love looks like in the way that his father treats me.

My son has an incredible example of what being a man is by the way that his father treats others.

My son has an incredible example of strength in the way my husband fights for those he loves.

My son will grow up in a world where, because I chose to break the cycle, he’ll never be confused about what love is supposed to look like.

People ask me what I will share with him, about my life, about what I went through, and about what I overcame.

I will share all of it.

When the time is right, when he's old enough, when he's mature enough, when he asks.

I will tell my son the story of my life, and I will leave nothing out.

He will know just how hard we fought for him to live in a brighter, bigger, kinder world.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

The House Of Ruth - Charities like these give back to women in the statistically most dangerous time of an abusive relationship, leaving.

Your donations can go directly into helping women and children who have fled abusive situations, they even have Amazon wish lists, so there's no excuse when it comes to convenience .

Entry No. 52: Permission to Pull Back

Wed, 07 May 2025 16:00:00 GMT

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm." — Unknown

For most of my life, I thought being available to everyone made me a good person.

I said yes to more than I could carry

Yes to extra work when I was already tired
Yes to conversations I wasn’t emotionally ready for
Yes to plans that drained me more than they filled me.

I overextended, overcommitted, and overcompensated .

I wanted to be dependable, kind, and easy to love.

And somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that setting boundaries was the opposite of all of that.

I didn’t realize then that every “yes” I gave out of guilt or fear came at the cost of myself.

This all has gotten much, much worse as pregnancy has gone on.

All that extra energy that I was allocating for giving of myself to others has now been allocated to growing femurs, creating eyeballs, and an endocrine system (and obviously much, much more).

While that may not sound like a lot, it's exhausting. Pregnancy is the equivalent metabolically of running a marathon every single day for 10 months.

If any Karen out there feels like that's “ not that bad ,” please let me know where I can watch you run 7969.1754 miles.

I’ll bring the snacks and my opinions.

While my situation in life changed and became more draining physically and emotionally, the requirements of me by others did not.

If anything, somehow people seem to need more of me. Honestly, it's crazy to me how that was even possible cause I was pretty stretched thin before.

It’s one of the negatives of handling things well; people think you just have it all under control. They don’t see the boiling pressure underneath. Cue Luisa from Encanto singing Surface Pressure.

It didn’t look dramatic from the outside. It rarely does. It was more like a quiet depletion. The kind that builds slowly—through little resentments, subtle burnout, and the aching feeling that you’re constantly showing up for others, but rarely for yourself.

Or that they rarely show up for you .

I was tired, but I didn’t feel like I had permission to rest. I was overwhelmed, but I didn’t know how to ask for space. I kept pushing past my limits because I didn’t want to be seen as difficult or selfish.

But boundaries, I’ve learned, are not selfish. They’re essential.

And learning to set them has been one of the most transformative parts of my growth .

The person out there telling me that I need to take a step back the most and the loudest, my wonderful husband and partner. It has gotten to the point where he has asked to say no to people on my behalf.

It’s funny that it takes him, calm, level-headed, and rational , to be upset at the circumstances to remind me that my feelings about it have been valid the whole time .

It becomes much easier to see these kinds of things sometimes with the outside perspective.

Knowing that we have a little one on the way who depends on us not just to give him time, energy, resources, etc., but also to teach him how to handle these situations, establish boundaries, and navigate stresses in life also puts this into perspective for me.

I never want my son to feel like he has to make his life harder to make others' lives easier.

I never want my son to be used by people, and think it is okay in the ways that I have.

I want my son to be able to learn from us these mistakes and save the headaches we endured.

While the idea of boundaries sounds complicated and the idea of setting them seems overwhelming, what surprised me most was how simple it started. Not easy—but simple.

It looked like turning off my notifications and letting the message wait.

It looked like choosing to stay home on a night I really needed stillness, even if someone else was disappointed.

It looked like saying, “I can’t take that on right now,” without over-explaining or apologizing.

Each small decision felt shaky at first. But over time, it started to feel like coming home to myself.

In relationships, it meant choosing mutuality over one-sided effort. It meant stepping back from dynamics that left me feeling small, drained, or unseen. And it meant trusting that the people meant for me would not require me to shrink to keep their love.

In rest, it meant letting myself pause—without guilt. That one was especially hard. Because somewhere along the way, I picked up the belief that rest had to be earned. That if I wasn’t constantly doing, I was somehow failing.

I’m unlearning that now I’m remembering that I can rest just because I need to.

Just because I’m human.

And that’s really the heart of it: boundaries remind me I’m human. They bring me back to the truth that I can’t do it all, be it all, or give it all—at least not without slowly losing myself in the process.

I’m still learning. I still have moments where I over-explain my no, or second-guess a decision I made to protect my peace. But I’m trying to meet those moments with grace. Because this isn’t about perfection—it’s about practice. And every time I honor my limits with honesty and compassion, I get a little closer to the kind of life I actually want to live.

So if you’re navigating this too—learning to draw lines, speak up, or pull back—I want you to know you’re not alone . It takes courage to choose yourself in a world that rewards over-functioning. But you deserve a life that includes you in it. Fully. Tenderly. Without apology.

Boundaries aren’t about building walls. They’re about creating spaces where you can thrive. Where love can exist without depletion. Where rest isn’t a luxury, but a rhythm.

You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to take up space. And you are allowed to be both kind and clear.

That’s not selfish. That’s wholeness.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check This Out Corner:

Encanto.

This movie is not only incredible visually and musically, but the song Surface Pressure made me cry the first time I watched it.

Entry No. 51: Change Finds You

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 13:18:00 GMT

"Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end." — Robin Sharma

There's a song going viral right now on TikTok by the artist Jenna Raine. The song called “Who Am I” has lyrics that state “The girl I used to be in 2017 Honestly, I hardly recognize.”

Although the trend is lighthearted and usually just two pictures mostly highlighting physical changes, the trend hit me deep and hard like a Mack Truck.

In 2017 : I was escaping my abuser, forced to step away from school, leaving a baby in a bad situation I had loved for her whole life because I had no rights to her, and truly thinking that it could never get better.

In 2025: I am married to the love of my life, in my third trimester with my miracle baby, and living a life I never thought I of all people could be lucky enough to live.

I used to think growth would feel like fireworks. A grand "aha!" moment followed by clarity and purpose. But more often than not, it feels like confusion.

Doubt.

Small steps.

Getting it wrong.

Then getting it a little less wrong.

Then realizing you’re already somewhere new—and you didn’t even notice the moment you crossed over.

Change—whether it’s a new season of life, a shift in relationships, or the slow unraveling of plans we thought were certain—has a way of shaking us .

Sometimes it feels like loss .

Other times, it feels like freedom .

But most of the time? It just feels uncomfortable.

There was a time when the thought of change made me feel like I was standing at the edge of a cliff. Unsteady. Unsure.

And absolutely not ready to jump .

Honestly, even after all the changes that I have experienced I still wouldn't say that I have ever become “ready” to jump. It's not as much about the “being ready” as it is about doing it anyway.

What I’ve come to learn is that discomfort isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s often a sign that something is growing.

We tend to hold on tightly to what’s familiar . Even when it no longer serves us. Even when it quietly drains our joy. Why?

Because we confuse comfort with safety. And to our nervous systems, safety is everything.

But comfort zones can be cages. Soft, cozy, padded ones—but cages nonetheless. The hardest part of change is not the change itself.

It’s the releasing of what we thought we needed.

I've had to let go of versions of myself that once made perfect sense—habits, routines, even people. And in doing so, I realized: we can grieve the past and still look forward to what’s next.

Those things are not mutually exclusive.

Most of the time change will happen even if we resist it. Resisting just makes the inevitable much harder.

I think that this has become very evident to me recently while being pregnant with my first child. Although there are some things that stay the same, most of the things in my life have been changing, myself and body included.

It feels very much like the montage in Toy Story when “Strange Things” plays and Woody glances around at Andy’s Room and all the changes that have been happening.

No matter how much you would like to fight it, sometimes you just know it will be fruitless.

Like expecting your stomach not to grow and your boobs not to get bigger, good luck with that .

It's going to happen if you fight it or not.

But it has been so gradual that each day I feel the same, until I look back and I realize just how much has happened. Not just with pregnancy, but with life.

Bringing a child that you have always dreamed of into the world makes you realize just how much time in your life is behind you.

Change doesn’t always announce itself with bold signs.

Sometimes, it whispers: You’re not who you were a year ago.

And that’s a quiet kind of victory.

Let me just say: I see you.

And I know how hard it is to keep moving when the path isn’t clear.

But keep moving anyway.

You are not meant to stay the same. And that’s not a threat—it’s a gift.

Growth isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were all along, beneath the fear .

So here’s to change—the scary, sacred, slow kind. May we learn to meet it not with resistance, but with curiosity.

Love You More,

Morgan

Check This Out Corner:

Toy Story.

If you haven’t seen it, where is the rock you live under? Not only is it great at highlighting changes and overcoming hardships (not limited to Space Ranger challenges) but it is totally Andy Vixen approved (If you KNOW you know.)

Entry No. 50: The Best News Ever

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 15:35:00 GMT

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on." — Carl Sandburg

It feels weird to be able to talk about this because I feel like we have been holding this secret in for so long but….

We are having a baby boy !

After over a year of trying to conceive, as my husband likes to say, “ We finally made one stick! ”

I don't even think that I can begin to wrap my head around how to describe this last year and a half and all the emotions that went along with it.

I knew I always wanted to write a blog post on my experiences trying to conceive because it was one of the worst periods of my life . The disappointment, the pressure, the longing, the heartache, and the fear that it will never happen for you are some of the MANY reasons why.

The worst might be the external pressure and advice.

While some (not all) people mean well, they have no idea how hurtful or frustrating some of their words can be.

“Have you tried not stressing about it?”

“Have you tried tracking your temperature?”

“Just get drunk and don’t worry about it.”

“I wish that was how it was for us. My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant.”

“You guys aren’t getting any younger.”

“Don’t you want a family.”

“Do you take vitamins?”

“I can’t wait for you to have a baby.”

“Maybe if you have to try so hard you aren't meant to have one.”

“You could always adopt.”

“You can take one of my kids, they drive me nuts.”

“You should be thankful, you can still travel.”

“Just stop trying and then it will happen.”

And my personal favorite:

“Is your husband disappointed with you?”

Yes these are all things that real people said to me in my real life.

Honestly, it’s a miracle some of these didn’t result in me receiving assault charges.

You're welcome for my self control.

* smiles with an eye twitch *

The most ironic thing about all of it is that with all the pressuring comments people made, it actually made me want to never have kids. Like at all. Which is crazy because of how much I have loved kids and wanted to be a mom since I was a child.

Even the smallest amount of water will erode a rock with enough time.

I will say the unexpected blessing of being honest about the journey that we were on to conceive is that it allowed me to learn a lot about the people in my life and their journeys as well. By sharing our struggles and feelings we opened the doors to some really honest and vulnerable conversations. Some of our friends and family trusted us with their stories, their struggle to conceive, their loss, and their rainbow babies.

It is quite beautiful to be trusted enough by someone with those cherished memories.

When the test said pregnant for the first time instead of showing us not pregnant, negative, or just one line we were in shock. My husband's face went so numb he drooled (don’t worry he thinks it's hysterical and is fine that I share that). I think at that moment we were prepared for another heartache .

We set up the camera each time we tested to record our reactions so that one day we could show our child the moment we found out about them. We now have twelve very sad videos and one really really happy one.

What the process of trying to conceive has taught me mainly about is gratitude .

I love our twelve sad videos because they lead us to our thirteenth.

Without the struggle there wouldn't be as much beauty in the triumph.

While my husband and I are choosing to limit what we share about our child on the internet I wanted to share this post for all the people out there in their parenthood journeys.

If you are trying to conceive, can not have children, are going through treatment, are mourning a loss, are thinking of giving up, or are in any other season of waiting: we see you. We know that nothing that we can say can make this process any easier or less emotional. If you need to talk about it, know that w e are here and routing for you.

I f you are one of those people with the comments, the nosey, the intrusive, and the pressure to have more kids, less kids, or kids in general: in the most disrespectful way possible, fuck you. Life is hard enough without your pressure and two cents Karen. Maybe mind your business and not everyone else's?

To our son, you are wanted more than you could ever imagine. You have been prayed for, dreamed of, talked about, and loved for our entire lives. You will do amazing things. You will be brave, kind, thoughtful, strong, wise, funny, compassionate, and perfect just as you are. We will do everything in our power to love, protect, and guide you to the best of our abilities. You might have to give us some grace, we are new to this whole parent thing.

We always knew that God had a plan for you. He knew you would be our 13th try (my lucky number) and be due in the 7th month (your dads lucky number). He gave you extra time in heaven with our family members and I know they don’t want to let you go.

We are ready for you when you are a little man.

You, our son, were always worth the wait.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Modern Fertility.

Not only was I able to do fertility testing from the comfort of my own home, but all ovulation tests and pregnancy tests can be scanned and uploaded into the app. You can log all symptoms and have it generate clear records for your medical professionals. Best of all, it's free.

Entry No. 49: 28 Lessons Learned

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 11:54:00 GMT

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." - Voltaire

If you have been my friend (at least according to Facebook) for more than a year now then you know what this is. If you just met me this year, then buckle up because it's going to be my longest yet since this is the oldest I have ever been (cheesy joke intended).

One of my favorite things to do each year is sit down and reflect on the year that I have had and all the things that I have learned during it. I then take all of the emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly and I share it with you.

This tradition started on my 21st birthday and today marks SEVEN years of this tradition, time is flying.

Thank you to everyone who took time out of your day to wish me a happy birthday, it means a lot to me.

Everyone should feel special on their birthday.

Here are the 28 things that I learned in 2024 in honor of my 28th year of life:

1. When people show you who they are, believe them . Not tell you, but SHOW you

2. Thinking about your situation is perfectly fine, but it will never change it. You can not think your way into a better life, you have to act on it.

3. God told us to love our neighbors, all of them. Even if, no especially if, they voted differently from you. Love doesn’t discriminate.

4. Our feeds and algorithms are making us addicted . We spend hours staring at a rectangle hallucinating and avoiding our lives. What could you accomplish if your phone died?

5. Your words have immeasurable power. I was within three feet of the man who murdered my grandmother this year. I delivered the victim impact statement on behalf of our family in front of him. The officer told us “that in all of his years, he's never seen a bully cut down that fast by words.” Don’t let the fear in your voice block you from using it or diminish its power.

6. Purge your social media of people every so often. I do this a lot and will be doing it again come the new year. We share a lot online and not everyone has the best of intentions in “being your friend.” If I wouldn’t go get lunch with you to tell you about how things are going, we’re not friends.

7. How you speak to yourself matters. Have you ever seen the videos where kids in a classroom speak kindly to one plant and with hate to the other? I’ll bet you can guess which one grows better. You are the plant, speak kindly to yourself and drink some damn water .

8. I saw something that really spoke to me. It was a man asking strangers “What would you say if I told you I was going to give you a billion dollars?” People were of course over joyed and said how grateful they would be. The man then asked “What would you say if I told you I would give you the money but if you took it you would not wake up tomorrow . Would you take it ?” Everyone said no. Waking up tomorrow is worth more to you than ONE BILLION DOLLARS . Don’t waste one second of your life.

9. I had to ask many times for people to provide letters of support for the hearing. I had to message family members directly asking them to support THEIR FAMILY MEMBER . I was ignored by people who are “family.” I was given excuses as to why people would try to get to it or couldn't get to it by people who are “family.” If your relative has to beg you to write a paragraph in support of your family member's murder not being released, you are not family . Family is what you make it , not just blood.

10. The reason behind why you are doing something is what is going to keep you showing up for that thing. Motivation is fleeting, but if your why is strong enough you will never give up.

11. The media is trying to scare you or sell to you . Once you understand that the world becomes much clearer.

12. Pets are one of the greatest blessings yet losing them is one of the worst losses. There is something so tragic about losing something so pure and full of unconditional love. The loss does not negate the life. We miss you every day Coopy.

13. Health is the greatest form of wealth in this country. No one is going to come along and force you to take care of yourself. In fact t he system profits if you don’t. But you get one body and the way you treat it impacts your time on this earth. We don’t get back time, so try not to give it away so easily.

14. If someone walks out of your life let them. Its pretty rare that the trash decides to take itself out. Don’t drag it back in.

15. Support your friends and their dreams. If someone I know wants to own a business, or start content creating, or write a book I am there. I will like everything you post, I will engage, I will share, I will help you if you need it and more. Why? B ecause the world is full of large companies filled with greed and not enough dreamers . Invest in small businesses and you invest in US.

16. If you want to make your life better, pick up a book. If you want to hear the most amazing story ever told, pick up a book. If you want to see far off places, start an adventure, learn a skill, battle a dragon, expand your knowledge, PICK UP A BOOK . As someone who read 197 books this year I can not even tell you how much better my life has become since I put down the phone and picked up a book.

17. Stop saving the “special” things in your life for a “special time” to use them. Wear the nice perfume, drink the bottle you have been saving for a rainy day, go to that place you have always wanted to try, adopt the animal you keep saying one day to. Life is too short to spend it waiting for the day to be “special.” Y ou are alive aren't you? That is special enough .

18. Love your friends kids as if they were your own. The world is full of people with bad intentions to innocent children. Protect them, love them, teach them, and help them as if they were your own. Children will not remember the things you buy them but they will always remember how you made them feel .

19. Although it may not feel like it sometimes, you were put on this planet for a reason. The odds of you existing are estimated to be 1 in 10^2,685,000, which is a 1 followed by almost 2.7 million zeros. You are a miracle. Your story was needed on this planet just as anyone else. The same God who made the animals, the planet, the stars, the mountains, and the sea knew the world needed you. Never think of cutting your story short.

20. If your brain does not produce a chemical, store bought is just fine. Don’t punish yourself or think down on yourself for taking any medication to help your mental health. Would we shame diabetics in need of insulin?

21. Start a journal. Doesn't have to be hand written, could be digital. But start documenting your life, your days, your feelings, your beliefs. Don’t wait until you can't remember it. Someone out there is going to want to hear your story, maybe your kids or grandkids . I know I would have loved to hear my grandparent's. Document the little things, for they become the big ones .

22. Try something new. Whether its a food, a movie, a hobby, a skill, etc. Learn all the things that the world has to offer. You just might be surprised at how much joy it brings you. Our brains love to learn and change.

23. Leave things on this earth better than you found them. Even if it is just a fraction better. Leave the world better than you find it .

24. My brother, while I may not always agree with him, is one of the most obstinate people that I know. If he decides that he is going to do something, he is going to do it , whether people call him crazy or not. You could learn a lot from him and his ability to get things done with out being deterred by what anyone around him might think.

25. My mother is a perfectionist, I had to get it from somewhere. I have watched her my whole life spending time to make sure everything is perfect. From the food we ate, the plates we ate it on, our gifts being equal to the penny, cheer goodie bags and banners, perfectly wrapped presents, and missing less than 5 points in college total, and more instances than I can count. Its funny because my mom didn’t need to do any of that, she was always perfect just as she was, for who she was. She was and still is the perfect mom, she's all we ever needed.

26. I think one of the best sounds on this planet is my dads laugh. I love when he's telling me a story and he really gets going and then has to stop cause he's laughing so hard. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t hear that laugh and it is my favorite. Growing up he really taught us the best ways to be happy, even if everything wasn’t going your way. If more people were like my dad, the world would be a better place.

27. Every year I am shocked at just how much more I love my husband than the last. Its funny because I never thought I could love him more. But somehow every day he proves me wrong. I never had someone who I felt like cared for me or my heart before him. But if it makes me happy he will do it. Even if it means listening to hours of a fantasy book series I love just so he can talk to me about it. People read books dreaming to find a man like him.

28. This year although my messages seem negative, I had a great year. But it was also an emotional one filled with learning some really hard lessons. I am still very grateful. Each of these lessons prepared me for the next year of my life and I wouldn’t be the person I am today with out them. My biggest lesson this year is trust your gut. We often make a decision in seconds based on a gut feeling and then spend weeks/months/years changing our minds. Do not. Trust your intuition on these things, it will guide you in the right path.

Praying for a great 2025 for all. Filled with love, laughter, lessons, belly laughs, trusting your gut, and changes for the better.

Thank you for taking the time to read the words that were on my heart.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Birthday Cake Cake Pops.

It's my birthday, why not ?

Entry No. 48: Your Body Remembers

Wed, 31 Jul 2024 16:00:00 GMT

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” - Maya Angelou

Do you ever feel like taking care of yourself is a chore?

I certainly do.

It’s quite sad, actually, because I NEVER used to feel that way.

I am not sure when it really started to go downhill, but I know now that we have rolled all the way down the hill, into the center of the earth, and out the other side .

Today, I am talking about self-care and the impact that it can have on you and everyone around you when you are not taking time to take care of the only body that you were given . I will be sharing my experiences as well as giving my nonprofessional tips for recreating the habits we once had.

When I was in high school, you would not catch me dressed down, without makeup, or with my hair not done. I was up early every day getting ready because I enjoyed it; I liked all of those girly things. I was the same way in college, although for some morning lectures, you would catch me in more comfy clothing, but still getting ready for my day. I would get ready in the middle of the night just to play with makeup sometimes. I remember walking around the house in full glam and my mom asking “Where are you going so late?” and my dad telling her “She just does that sometimes when she's bored.”

Over time and through weight changes, chronic health issues, a global pandemic, attempts at minimizing time spent, lowering my consumption, and overall lack of confidence, getting ready for my day has become a rare occurrence.

When I say rare, I mean I go weeks now without a stitch of makeup.

I have basically gotten to the point of literal neglect of my body.

I am just generally apathetic to the idea of getting ready.

It saddens me because I never used to be this way.

This post is on rediscovering self-care, rebuilding my routine to rebuild my outer confidence.

I've minimized my hygiene practices to the basics, and it’s become evident that this has impacted how I feel about myself.

I’ve realized that taking care of my external self is just as crucial for maintaining overall confidence and health.

The Shift: Coming from Extensive to Basic to Non-existent to Better every day

Years ago, my daily routine was a well-oiled machine of self-care rituals. From face masks to elaborate skincare regimens, I made time for every aspect of my grooming and hygiene. However, as work, family, and other responsibilities started to demand more of my time, I began to cut back. What was once a varied routine became a series of rushed, bare-minimum steps.

I noticed the change not only in my routine but also in how I felt. The joy I once derived from my self-care practices had diminished. My skin, once glowing and healthy, seemed dull and tired. My sense of confidence, which was bolstered by taking care of my appearance, had waned. I found it harder to do any of the things I once loved doing to better myself externally.

The Realization: Aligning External Care with Inner Well-being

It became clear that my well-being was not just about inner peace and mental clarity; it also involved feeling good about my external self. Taking care of my appearance contributes to my self-esteem and overall confidence.

That's the good thing about hitting rock bottom: it is only up from here.

Rebuilding My Routine: Back to the Basics

To get back on track, I decided to start small. Here’s how I began to add steps back into my routine to rejuvenate my self-care practices:

1. Assessing My Current Routine :

I took stock of my current hygiene practices ( or lack thereof ) and identified areas that felt neglected. This helped me understand what was missing and what I could realistically incorporate back into my daily life. The key word is realistic. I can not change from a girl who brushes her teeth and throws her hair up to a girl who does three hours of self-care a day overnight .

2. Reintroducing Core Steps :

I began with essential steps like a skincare regimen, doing something with my hair besides a messy bun, and doing some bit of makeup (even if it was only mascara and a gloss). Reintroducing these basics made a noticeable difference in how I felt, and my body started to look.

3. Building Up Gradually :

Instead of overwhelming myself with a full-fledged routine right away, I added one new step at a time. This could be as simple as using a weekly exfoliant or incorporating a hair mask into my routine.

4. Prioritizing Self-Care Time :

I started setting aside dedicated time for self-care, treating it as a non-negotiable part of my day. Whether it’s a quick morning routine or an evening ritual, making time for these practices was key to feeling balanced.

If you are also feeling the same way as I was ( and still am some days ), here are some practical tips for creating a self-care routine while balancing a busy life:

1. Set Realistic Goals :

Start with manageable changes. For example, aim to incorporate one new self-care practice each week rather than overhauling your entire routine overnight. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time .

2. Create a Self-Care Schedule :

Block out specific times in your day or week for self-care activities. This could be as simple as a 10-minute skincare routine or a relaxing bath on the weekends. Do not miss this time, it is a non-negotiable.

3. Utilize Multi-Tasking Products :

Choose products that offer multiple benefits to save time. For instance, a moisturizer with SPF or a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner can streamline your routine.

4. Incorporate Self-Care Into Daily Tasks :

Find ways to integrate self-care into activities you already do . Listen to uplifting music while you shower or practice mindfulness during your skincare routine.

5. Reflect on What Works :

Regularly evaluate your self-care routine and adjust as needed. What feels good and effective today might change as your needs evolve. Do not just stop if you don't like what you see, reflect on what the problems are, and try something new .

6. Seek Enjoyment :

Choose products and practices that bring you joy. Whether it’s a favorite scented lotion or a soothing face mask, enjoying the process makes it easier to stick with it. Create a reward system. If you do all of your self-care tasks in one week, maybe you get to buy a small item you have been wanting. If it works for kids, it can work for you, too .

7. Enlist Support :

Share your self-care goals with friends or family. They can offer encouragement, join you in activities, or simply hold you accountable. When I told my husband how I was feeling, he was immediately supportive and said he was proud of me for having this breakthrough.

Look, I am not perfect, and I have never claimed to be.

With almost 50 posts in, you should know by now that I have so many things I struggle with. Rebuilding my self-care routine has been a journey of rediscovery and balance, and it has not been easy .

I keep reminding myself that by reintroducing steps to take care of my external self, I’m not only enhancing my appearance but also reinforcing my inner confidence and well-being.

It’s a reminder that self-care is not just a luxury but a necessary component of a healthy, balanced life.

As you navigate your self-care journey, remember that it's about finding what works best for you and integrating it into your life in a way that feels sustainable and rewarding. Embrace the process, enjoy the small victories, and cherish the positive impact on both your outer and inner self.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Arvazallia Hydrating Argan Oil Hair Mask

I started using this, and I am obsessed with it. It makes my hair feel so soft and strong. It is a step that I have added and actually look forward to completing, which is a win-win for me!

Entry No. 47: Less Is More

Fri, 26 Jul 2024 15:25:00 GMT

“ Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind but I just smiled and said I used to.”

-Wiz Khalifa

I am going through this weird period in my life where I am losing friendships, and contrary to what you might think, I am okay with it.

Recently, I have been finding that people in my life are just not there for the right reasons or are as permanent as I had once thought them to be. It has come to light that many people are in my life for what I can do for them and for that reason alone.

Friendships have to be give and take, not take and take. Recently, I have hit my limit on what I can tolerate, and these friendships are just not hitting the criteria.

Is that an easy realization? Nope.

Is it an important one? Yes.

Today we are going to be talking about how to lose friends the right way, how to handle all the emotions, and how to grow when you release the dead weight.

1. Acknowledge the Reality
I have heard that admitting is always the first step to recovery, and in this situation, it is no different. We have to start by recognizing and accepting the reality of our situation. If friendships are ending because they no longer align with your values or because they have become one-sided, it’s important to acknowledge that this is part of personal growth. Understand that it's okay for relationships to change or end if they no longer serve both parties positively.

2. Reflect on the Dynamics
Take some time to reflect on why these friendships are fading. Are they based on convenience, or are they genuinely supportive and reciprocal? Sometimes, it’s helpful to list out the dynamics of these relationships to see patterns and better understand why they’re no longer fulfilling. This reflection isn’t about blaming anyone but about gaining clarity on what you need and expect from the friendships that you currently have and the ones you hope to develop.

3. Embrace Emotional Complexity
Letting go of friends, especially those you once considered close, can stir up a complex mix of emotions—sadness, relief, guilt, or even anger. Don’t bottle it up, to allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment, change is hard! Grieving the end of a friendship is a natural process, and embracing these feelings will help you move through them more healthily. Journaling, talking to a therapist, or confiding in a trusted friend can be useful ways to navigate these emotions.

4. Set Boundaries.
When you’re ready to move on, setting clear boundaries is essential. If the friendship is drifting or ending, be honest yet respectful in your communication. It’s okay to distance yourself or even have a conversation if it feels right and you believe that it will be productive. Establishing boundaries helps protect your emotional well-being and prevents further strain or misunderstanding. Remember these are boundaries for you not boundaries for them, we can't force people to behave how we want them to, and that's not right either.

5. Focus on Self-Care and Self-Reflection
In the wake of losing friends, prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that nurture your well-being and bring you joy. This period of introspection is also a time to reconnect with yourself. Reflect on what you’ve learned from these friendships and how you can apply these lessons to foster healthier relationships in the future.

6. Cultivate New Connections
If you feel ready, use this opportunity to seek out and build new friendships that arebetter aligned with your values and interests. Engage in activities that interest you, join groups or clubs, and be open to meeting new people. Building new connections can be a refreshing way to fill the void left by previous relationships and enrich your social life with positive and supportive interactions.

7. Grow through what you go through
Every ending carries a lesson. Take time to analyze what these friendships taught you about yourself and relationships. This growth can lead to greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of what you want and need in your friendships. Use these insights to build more meaningful and balanced connections moving forward. Like my dad has always told me “You can learn something for everybody”

8. Look on the bright side
Finally, maintain a positive outlook and be patient with yourself. Friendships change and it’s natural for people to come and go in your life. Stay hopeful that new, fulfilling relationships will come your way as you grow and evolve.

Remember, quality outweighs quantity every day and twice on Sundays.

Change is hard and loss is harder , but sometimes we gain more from the loss of something than we ever did when we had it.

If you are in a similar season of life, I am sorry because I know how bad it can hurt. I have faith in you coming out of this stronger.

To anyone whom I once called a friend and do not anymore. I wish you nothing but the best and thank you for all you taught me.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Stash Meyer Lemon Tea.

If you ever need a pick-me-up there's nothing like a warm cup of cheer to make you feel just a little better.

Entry No. 46: Which Tab Is The Music Coming From?

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 16:00:00 GMT

“If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, then this is the best season of your life.” — Wu-men

Oh, hey, it's been a minute.

This has been one of those things that I keep meaning to get to and just haven’t. That tells you a lot about my mental state, as this is something that I want to do, not have to do. This is not my full-time job, as much as one day I would like it to be; it is just important to me.

I know exactly why I haven't been doing it, because I'm overwhelmed and I tend to let go of the things that make me happy first.
So I have not been writing. I keep telling myself it's because:

I don’t know what to write about

and

I will get to it

but both are lies.

I believe that good things come in threes, and I have been given three signs that have let me know this is what I need to talk about today.

My friend Sam sent me an excerpt from a book that read, “Frustrated that you didn't complete everything on your to-do list? Even though no person alive could complete your to-do list?” with the caption, “I read this and immediately thought of you.”
My friend Abby sent me a meme saying, “My mind is like an internet browser, 17 tabs are open, 3 are frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.” Which I related to
And last but certainly not least, a quote from Jari Roomer, “ Use the weekend to build the life you want, instead of trying to escape the life you have,” that I have not been able to get out of my head since I heard it.

We are talking about overwhelm and how to manage and organize all the mental clutter that comes with life, to live the lives that we want.

I tend to thrive in chaos. I constantly have about three different projects going at a minimum. I am booked just about every weekend for some kinda social event. I have a hard time saying no. All of this has led me to have a few tips and tricks that work for me, and maybe they will work for you, too.

Without further ado, here are my top three tips for organizing the mental stuff to avoid overwhelm and overflow into the physical stuff:

One: Explain your situation to a trusted person.

My person is my husband, and while I tend to bounce between logical and emotional reasoning depending on the minute, he stays very firm in logic. This has led to us, at times, looking at each other saying, “I just don't get how you could think about it like that.” I have found that showing my husband how I am feeling with touch or simulation is very helpful. Two examples of this:

1 . I demonstrated the weight of the mental load on me. I took a cup and placed it under my sink, and turned the faucet on. I explained to him that the water pouring into the cup from the tap was the stream of thoughts, and the water spilling out of the cup was an item that was completed and removed from the mental load. That no matter how much spilled out, my cup stayed quite full.

This was symbolic of the tasks that never go away (taking care of a family, social obligations, pet care, work, business, house tasks, etc.) and the water spilling out represented the easy but still frequent tasks or thoughts (grocery store, don't forget to get stamps, did we file the taxes?, do I need to bring a fecal sample to their next vet appointment?, who invented the Post-It note?)
I then turned the water off. I explained that when I am sleeping, although the flow stops, the cup remains full. This is why, at times, it takes me longer to fall asleep and sleep well because the cup never ever empties.

I then symbolized waking up by turning the water on and showed him how it never stops. I feel like by showing him this, he really understood what I meant when I said my brain wouldn't turn off.

2 . I explained my overwhelm to my husband by taking his hands and jumbling them together. I told him this is my brain all the time, and this creates friction in my head. Sometimes it gets better (I stilled his hands) and then I can think, but sometimes (I move them faster) it's so loud that I just want it to stop, so I do nothing.

I feel like this helped him understand when I said “My head hurts,” that it wasn't due to lack of water or food, it was just mental fatigue.

Telling my husband has been crucial in managing this stress because now not only does he know how to best help me, but he can also recognize the signs. He has proven to me that he remembers these things by saying, “Is your cup spilling over again?”

Allowing me to have someone to talk to about what I'm experiencing as a result of overwhelm has been crucial.

Two: Write it all down.

Write down everything and everything that is on your mind. Sit down distraction-free and write until you just can't think of anything else to write. There is no wrong answer here.

When you are done, cross off everything that you can NOT control.

What is left on your list are actionable items, things you can take off of the mental load to make the overwhelm feel less unmanageable. This doesn't automatically mean the items that are outside of your control just disappear, although how nice it would be to delete them from our minds, it just means we have had the realization that we can not change those things.

We can stress about the things we can not change, or we can acknowledge them for what they are and then walk away from the bags, as opposed to carrying them endlessly.

Awareness is the first step in the Three A’s. By highlighting what on the list you are carrying around but can not change, then you have become aware of the items on your mind that are sitting courtside but didn't buy a ticket.
You can go ahead and kick them out when you are ready.

Three: Start small

I know that sounds super vague and just all around not helpful, but trust me, there is a point. There are many representations of this in many different forms of our lives. The Debt Snowball by Dave Ramsey, Habit Stacking by James Clear, “The Best Way to Eat an Elephant (One Bite at a Time) by Desmond Tutu, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie by Laura Numeroff, and many, many more.

The reason is that it works, it just does.

Look, I don't make the rules, okay?

We are a society of instant gratification, so feed into that!

If crossing something off your to-do list gets you motivated to cross something else, add “get out of bed,” “get dressed,” “don't call out today,” or all three, and cross that ish off.

If you respond to visual stimuli, get a sticker chart from Amazon and put a reward for yourself on there. Get a sticker when you accomplish a task, see yourself move closer toward your goal, and get a tangible reward that will inspire you to keep going.

You got this, we believe in you!

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Reward charts.

Not just for children, and surprisingly inspirational. My current reward is a bottle of wine and reading one of my favorite books to my husband. That is totally worth folding some clothes for.

Entry No. 45: Important to me, Important to me not

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 14:23:00 GMT

"Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values." - Joshua L. Liebman

When it comes to the start of a New Year, it is the time that the majority of people set their goals and hit them hard for the first couple of weeks.

Statistically speaking, by the time that this blog post is published, you have probably already given up on the things that you originally set out to achieve this year, so motivated to achieve.

We are going to cover values today. Something that I believe to be more successful in the ability to maintain for more than just a week's time.
I want to clarify that this discussion today is something that you set intrinsically and you do not force onto others . You make choices based on your values. You do NOT expect nor enforce these values on others . That is not your place.

Example.
Value : I prioritize my health.
Proper Application: I eat healthier choices at a restaurant.
Improper Application: I expect my friends and family to eat healthily at the restaurant, so they do not tempt me as I am trying to be healthier.

You setting these values influences how you and you alone act.

This topic started in my life around 2018 when my therapist asked me what were the five things that I valued in a partner. We wrote them down on one of her business cards, and I have carried it with me since. I met my husband that year. One of the ways that I was able to determine that he would be my husband is the fact that he embodied each of the values that I set.

I didn't expect him to change who he was; I found a partner who aligned with what I was already looking for.

Towards the end of last year my husband and I had a sit-down conversation where we outlined our personal values and our family values. We also set our resolutions for the upcoming year.

This is something I recommend every single person does for themself and for their relationship.

I had a quiet moment and reflected on what the five most important qualities that I want to embody myself and that I would like those in my life to embody as well.

There are cards that you can purchase as well that have values on them, and you can sort them as most important, not as important, or not important at all. I however did not use cards, but I have heard they are an excellent tool. I thought of the words that I would want to be described as and things that I find important in my life.

These values can and will change as you enter different seasons of your life.
For example High School Morgan probably would have valued the opinions of others and this version of me knows that they are none of my business. It would be wise to review your values at a minimum annually.

Sit down and think about these values, and then I recommend that you write them down, even if that is just the notes app on your phone. Maybe you value joy, knowledge, diversity, inclusion, compassion, humor. Maybe fitness, relaxation, empathy, and minimalism aren’t as important to you.

Write down the word, and a sentence to go along with the words meaning to you. Place this somewhere that you can see it every day to serve as a reminder of what your core values are. If this is for a romantic relationship, complete the same exercise but make sure it is somewhere both of you can see them.

These are non-negotiable values.

Please recognize the power in that.

You have to make choices that support your values, even if it is hard to do so, in order for them to be effective.

To help clarify these values, the importance of them, and the implications of them, I will provide you with one of mine and one of my marriages.

One of my core values is Reciprocity. My sentence attributed to the meaning of this value in my life is: “I give to others what they give to me. I treat and care for others as they have demonstrated to treat and care for me in the spirit of fairness. ” This is a new value of mine and one that is difficult for me to do. I tend to go all out for those in my life, spare no expense on birthdays and celebrations, remember every detail of their life, and check in with people frequently.

What I noticed is that quite a few people were in my life for what they could get from me and not for who I am as a person. When it came time for people to show up for me,they didn’t . I would give gifts and get none in return. I would always reach out. I would go above and beyond and never see it back. I wasn’t being kind for what I could get in return, but when it consistently happened in the same relationships, I had to scale back. It was hurting me to feel like they did not value me in the way that I value them.

I couldn't expect others to go above and beyond for me, but I could meet them where they were at . Instead I started reciprocating the level of intention and effort they gave me. Now I feel like my relationships are heading to a much fairer territory, and things haven't felt as one-sided.
One of our family core values is Respect. Our sentence attributed to the meaning of this value in our life is “ We treat our family, pets, belongings, and environment with respect.”

We apply this value in our home by making sure it is maintained well. We don’t let it sit messy, we don’t throw things around, we keep a well-maintained home. Respecting your environment is important to enjoy being in it.

We treat our animals with respect. We take the best care of them, feed them the best quality things, and spoil them.

We treat each other with respect. We are a family, and we do not talk poorly about each other to or behind our partners' backs.

If someone disrespects our animals, our environment, or our partner they n o longer have access to them.

We can not control how someone treats us, but we can remove their ability to do so.
I encourage you to set values over resolutions. They align with what is important to you as a person and they are something that should come naturally to adhere to.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
A moment alone with your thoughts.
You would be surprised how much you are already aware of when you drown out the excess noise.

Entry No. 44: 27 Lessons Learned

Fri, 29 Dec 2023 14:15:00 GMT

"You were born and with you endless possibilities, very few ever to be realized. It’s okay. Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do.”

— Richelle E. Goodrich

Every year for the past SIX years, I have sat down to write the things that I have learned in the past year in honor of my birthday. One lesson for each of the years I have lived.

If you have read one of these entries before, then you know it was inspired by my mom, who would ask us on our birthdays to share something that we learned in the past year of our lives. I started back in 2017, documenting and sharing them with my friends on Facebook. I like to think that it was the earliest version of The Modest Journal that was publicly shared. I look forward to the reflection of the previous year and the moment when I sit down and write it all out. I have been told that some of you look forward to these posts as well.

Thank you for reading my words today and every day.

Here are 27 things that I learned this year in honor of my 27th birthday today:

Starting something new is really hard and really scary. However, it is not nearly as scary as living with regrets. Try that new thing, you never know what might come of it.

Other people's opinions of you are none of your business. Respect that they have the right to feel that way and then move on. Our time is finite, don’t waste it worrying about what others think, spend it acting on what you do.
There is a difference between something you are expected and “supposed” to do versus something that you need and want to do. I have spent too much time doing things that I was expected to do and not stuff that I wanted to do. Learn from my mistakes.
The Lord moves in mysterious ways, so you do not have to. Use your turn signal and don’t be selfish.
Assume the person you are speaking to is having a bad day and approach them as such. You never know what someone around you is going through. In my experience, we treat people who are upset with much more kindness. Kindness should be the standard, not the exception.
Overconsumption is a massive problem. Just because something is aesthetic or new does not mean you need it. Once the newness fades, it will become another item cluttering your house that you look at thinking, “Why did I waste my money?” Give your cart a solid couple of days before you hit checkout.
Who you follow can have a massive influence on your brain. Subliminal messaging is all around us. Who you follow and interact with on social media plays a big part in this. Unfollow, unfriend, and unlike things that aren't positively contributing to your life.
Turn off the news. There is a large difference between educated and inundated. You do not need to see the worst parts of humanity 24/7 on a loop. It’s easy to become sucked into that negativity, and it does nothing good for you. If there is something you need to know, trust me, you will find out.
If your marriage is abusive, toxic, and negatively impacts all the people around you, it is okay to get a divorce. Staying “married for the kids” is insane. Your kids deserve happy, healthy, good parents more than married ones. You are their first example of what love is supposed to be, so be a good one.
It’s not okay to ask people if they are pregnant, when they will become pregnant, when they are going to try for kids, when they are going to have kids, or any other variation of this question. 1 in 4 women struggles with infertility. Odds are highly in your favor that you are a nosey asshole who might hurt someone. Babies are pretty hard to hide; chances are, they will tell you eventually, so wait until then. If they don't tell you, then you aren't close enough to them to ask those questions, are you?
Set goals you actually want to achieve. I will never have the goal to climb Mount Everest because I would rather light myself on fire. Setting that as a goal because it's “healthy” or “inspirational” is dumb when it doesn't matter to me. You are more likely to achieve goals that have significance to you.
Define your 5 non-negotiable personal, relationship, and family values and remove anything and anyone who doesn’t align with them from your life. This is something that my therapist recommended to me, and I have really taken to heart. One of my core values is honesty; therefore, when someone lies to me or withholds information from me, I know that who we are at our cores does not align. Setting my values and holding strong to them has been very helpful for me in improving my quality of life.
Monetarily rich and a rich life are two very different things. You do not need to have a lot to have a lot. Some of the most beautiful and meaningful moments and things in life are free.
You may only have one life to live, but a reader lives thousands of lives. Pick up a book and dive right into it. Reading is one of the best things you can do for your mind.
Choose who you vent your feelings, experiences, and situations to carefully. Never forget that vents lead into other rooms.
You have the power within you right now to change the world. People don’t tell you that as often as they should for a reason. Many people are afraid of you realizing your potential in this life. It benefits them if you stay small, so don’t.
Be an intentional friend. Know things about your friends, check in on your friends, and support your friends. If you are not putting intention into your friendships, then you are being a half ass friend. There are many things you can half ass in life, but friendships should not be one of them.
Cheating is never okay nor justifiable. I have ended friendships with my friends who have cheated on their partners. If you choose to commit to that person, you need to respect that. If you don’t, because you are worthless trash, then walk away from them. They deserve much better as a partner with you.
Animals are irrefutable proof that God exists. They are the prime example of pure love. If you can, rescue an animal. They will add so much value to your life, but you will make theirs entirely.
There are many harmful, cancerous, and poisonous ingredients in your food and beauty products. You do not need to become a homesteader (unless this is what you want, then by all means go for it) to make healthier, more conscientious choices. This does not mean all chemicals are bad, either. It just means you have the power to decide what goes into the one and only body you have got.
We do not give our veterans enough. We could never give them enough. We have people who were willing to give up everything for us, homeless. We have those who lost everything for us, sick and without help. We do not deserve them. We never have. We need to become people and a country worth fighting for. We have to do better.
Your job is not and should never be your life. I can not stress this enough. I have seen companies truly rob people of everything and have a replacement lined up before their seat is cold. Take your vacation days. Take mental health days. Work hard to provide for your family. Working to live doesn't mean living to work. You can be a good employee second. Live your life first.
I was not a good big sister growing up. I might have been one of the worst. Yet my relationship with my brother today wouldn’t show that to you. I can take 0 credit for that; that credit belongs with my little brother. He is more forgiving than I think I could ever be. I am grateful that he gave me the opportunity to be his friend as we got older. I want to be more like him.
My mother doubts herself way more than she should. I have never met anyone quite as determined as her. The woman is an all-around badass and incredible person. She is truly one of the most successful people that I know, meaning that if she decides she's going to do something, I have never seen her not do it. There is no one else who should believe in themselves more than her. If I were a betting woman, I would bet everything I had on her every day, and twice on Sundays.
If you have ever told me to keep a secret, odds are my father knows it (sorry). He is my best friend, and I tell him everything. He is an incredible listener, and he remembers things. I could be talking about a friend he's only heard one story about, yet he remembers the friend and the story. He is one of the most intentional people in his relationships. I truly do not know what I would do without him. More people need to be like my father.
The moment I saw my husband, I recognized him in my heart, and I knew I was going to marry him. Seeing him felt like coming home. He has proven me right in this fact time and time again. I don’t just have a husband, I have a partner. He never fails to teach me things each and every day. Watching him grow from the 27-year-old I met to the 33-year-old he is now has been one of my biggest blessings. He embodies the word selfless to a T. No matter how hard I try, I will never be worthy of his love. But I will never stop trying.
Last but certainly never least, this year I learned just how resilient I am. I can take a lot of hits, stress, responsibility, and burdens for not just myself but for others. I bend a lot, but I never break. No matter what I have experienced in my life, I have not walked away from it. My track record of winning my battles is flawless; I remain undefeated. My reminder to you is, you were born for this life because you and only you were meant to live it. The world is full of stories; please don’t ever deprive it of yours.

Until next year, if I am lucky! To another year older, wiser, stronger, and loved.

I wish you all nothing but the best in the year 2024. May it be everything you need it to be and more.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check This Out Corner:

The lessons section of this website holds all of my lessons since my 21st birthday. Although some have called me young, no one has ever said I wasn't wise. Maybe there is something in there that you need to hear.

Entry No. 43: Channeling A Tampon Commercial

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 16:15:00 GMT

"One must not let oneself be overwhelmed by sadness." - Jackie Kennedy

I have written posts on burnout before and posts on the need to take a break when your body is literally telling you that you need one. Yet like most people, I am exceptionally bad at taking my own advice.

It wasn't until I asked some of my friends for advice on what to write because my brain is everywhere but this blog that they said:

“Doing one on that. About being invested, but sometimes creative thinking gets hit with a pause caused by life, or sometimes nothing at all.”

“Maybe write about the pressure to pump out content?”

Yeah, guys, why wouldn't I do one on that? I would have thought of that myself… if I wasn’t burnt out. It just took me asking for a simple topic to make me realize what I have probably known for weeks.

But then the mental narrative changed to: how do I write a post on the pressure to create content, do the things you love, or do anything else when you are burnt out because of life, without telling people the why?

Or as I put in our group chat: “I feel like saying I'm having a mental slump, but I don't want to talk about it can sound like I'm being the girl in high school who updated her AIM status to 'I'm upset but don't want to talk about it no one reach out.”

They reassured me that I could say how I felt without sounding like an angsty girl’s away message from a decade ago, so now we are all here today.

To Destiny, Emily, and Sam: thank you, this one is because of you.

So here it goes:

I am having a creative block in terms of topics to write about because I am going through something in my personal life that is consuming most, if not all, of my mental energy.

I am not currently ready to talk about it as it is ongoing, and I truly don’t think anyone could understand. I don’t want people reaching out, and I don’t want or need the attention.

I have a post written that will go into this topic, and it will be posted when the time is right; that time is just not now.

For now, this post is on the procrastination of things that bring you joy or need to be done because you’re mentally elsewhere. The funny thing about depression and stress is that somehow it makes you too sad and anxious to do the things that would, in turn, make you less sad and anxious. It's kind of like when you are on your period, and you are sore and cramping, and they say that working out would make you less sore and crampy but the last thing on your mind is working out.

Yes, tampon commercials are in fact a lie; most women do not

spontaneously learn jousting, surfing, horseback riding, or cross-country running while on their period. Most lie around.

That's what I have been doing in my stress, lying around, moping, and just procrastinating the things that would make this process easier.

The laundry is sitting in baskets.

The dishwasher stays loaded.

The house is collecting dust.

The music is unheard.

The books are getting dusty.

The friends are being ghosted.

The responsibilities are being put off.

The to-do’s are multiplying.

The sadness is becoming consuming.

The blog entry remains unwritten.

So today we are in real time together, attempting to squash this.

Here are my five non-professional ideas for the way that I can maybe bring a little bit of joy back into this season of my life. This post and these ideas pertain to me, but maybe they benefit you.

I am going to remove some of the pressure from myself. I say some because I don't know if I will ever be fully capable of removing them all. I think I am hardwired differently. Pressure to write posts that are perfectly witty, helpful, educated, and relatable is why I haven't written. Maybe “a done something” will be better, we shall see.

I am going to tell someone how I am feeling. Regardless of how hard it is for me to inconvenience anyone, I am going to tell someone where it hurts. That has to feel better than bottling it up.
I am going to do the hobbies that bring me joy. If they make me happy during any other period in my life, why wouldn’t they make me happy now? I am allowed to feel joy.
I am going to put my house back together. Living in chaos doesn’t distract from the mental chaos; it adds to it. Regardless of how daunting it may be, I owe it to myself to try.
I am going to channel my inner tampon commercial. I will joust when I feel like curling up into a ball. Not literally but figuratively. When it feels like the mental load can swallow me whole, I am going to try something new. I am going to acknowledge how I feel, but not let it hold me down.

Maybe one day I will talk about what I am going through right now, or maybe I won't. But either way, this post was written.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Snuggles from a kitten.

Listen, I don't make the rules around here, but I am just saying, it hasn't made me sadder yet. *shrug*

Entry No. 42: I Now Pronounce You Stressed And Done

Wed, 11 Oct 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Don’t feel stupid if you don't like what everyone else pretends to love.”

- Emma Watson

I could not be more excited to cover this topic, as it is something that has been occupying quite a lot of mental energy for almost 2 years.

If we were discussing this in the form of toddler ages, it's been my brain child for 21 months and 9 days(at the time of me writing this blog post).
This post is probably not going to be relatable for most, but those who get it will GET IT.

Welcome to my wedding planning blog entry.

I am nervous about this post strictly because I have a lot to say and I want to say it in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone but is also honest.

As much as I WOULD LOVE to write all of my honest thoughts, opinions, and describe in detail some of these things, I know that it can be damaging to some relationships and not everyone wants their private business on my public website.

So this will be my attempt at the marriage (see what I did there) between the blunt IDGAF side of me and the Empathetic side of me.

I hated being a bride.

I love being a wife.

They are two very different things.

Essentially, everything about being a bride I hate to the fiber of my being.

Reasons why:
I despise being touched. You know what everyone wants to do when you are a bride? Hug you, kiss you, touch you, pet you, dance with you, etc. Every relative, friend, coworker on your side, and your partners (that doesn't even include the people you haven't ever met) are all in line for a hug, a chat, and a photo… YAY!

I hate being the center of attention. You know who everyone is looking at? The bride in white. The bachelorette, the shower, and the wedding should all be about the couple. However, most of the time, it somehow becomes more about the bride (which I disagree with). This makes the bride the ballerina in the jewelry box, the center of attention, and always performing.
I hate wasting money. You know what a lot of a wedding is? Buy a pillar candle, and it's $5. Buy a wedding pillar candle $110.78 plus $54.67 shipping. You would be amazed at the taxes, fees, hidden fees, and, in general, waste of money when you mention that something is for a wedding.
I hate having to play nice when I want to be honest. You know, one day when you need everyone to play nice? Putting that many personalities in a room is cause for concern; trying to play peacekeeper sucks. We also invited people to our wedding that I don't like, some who know that fact, and some who have ZERO clue. There were times that I let people be disrespectful or make our wedding day about them in an effort to keep the peace. But there were also times I didn’t choose the conflict-free path because I could not hold back. But for the most part, I tried to focus on the things that really mattered.
I think it is the wrong thing to focus on. You know what needs more attention than one day of your life? Your marriage. Maybe if we were as intentional with our partners as we were with table linens and song choice, the divorce rates would be lower.

I do not say all of that to say that I am not grateful.

I am immensely grateful for the partner I have, the support network we have, the fact that we had the ability to have such a beautiful wedding, and for those memories that we and so many others will never forget.

Doesn't mean I have to like being a bride.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

The girl who hates being a bride got to be a bride TWICE. Double the luck on my part. We were engaged when we got the news that my husband was being deployed. We then planned a wedding at the courthouse with our immediate family. Then decided to do a formal reception/vow renewal to celebrate with everyone. That took place on 9/15, which explains the Modest Journal absence as we were celebrating and then honeymooning it up.

So, in honor of our wedding being over (Thank the Good Lord above), here are 15 tips (in honor of our reception date) for those who are in the wedding planning process.

Use a free wedding planning website. We used Zola, and we loved them. They have free checklists and guides to make sure that you are on track.
Create a wedding binder. Printing out all of the contracts and keeping them in one place to highlight and keep track of was very helpful for my tactile learning brain.
Do as much as you can for free and yourself. There are tons of tools out there to cut costs that don't have to make things look cheap.
Put effort into the details. Not much mattered to me during our reception but the details. I put my heart into the details of our wedding, and it showed. People notice those kinds of things.
Come up with a guestbook you will actually appreciate. I know for a fact my husband and I would not open up a book of signatures. We did an audio guestbook because it was unique, and we would actually listen to the recordings over the years.
Make it just as much about your partner as it is about you. I made a point to say our wedding, our day, our celebration. I made sure he had a say in the day, and I never said no to something that he wanted. We also shared the load of planning the wedding. It's a celebration of your partnership, so don't spend it being selfish.
Let people show you their intentions. There were people at our wedding who tried to make it all about them. There were people who didn't attend our wedding and provided bullshit excuses. There were people who attended our wedding and didn't give a gift or a card. There were people who attended our wedding who were there for an open bar. When people show you what you mean to them, believe them.
We established a final strike rule for our guest list. There were some people we invited out of obligation who had continually disappointed us as a partnership over the years. We decided that if they chose not to be present for this day in our lives, it was their final strike. They have since been removed from our lives. Establishing a final strike rule gave us lots of clarity.
Choose vendors who are good communicators and read their reviews. We had some vendors who were incredible and a blessing to work with. We also had some that were absolutely terrible and deserve flaming bags of dog shit on their porches. Not that I did that, but I wanted to.
Learn the balance between what is for you and what is for the guests. While the day is about “you” as a couple. It's still a party with tons of people invited. There has to be a balance between you and everyone. Sure, having no food is great for your budget, but it's not so great for your hungry guests.
Do not have any expectations. My very wise therapist often reminds me that expectations are planned disappointments. Things can and will go wrong; you will probably be the only person who notices it.
Ignore all the advice you get. The second you say you are planning a wedding, everyone and their mother gives you advice on what you should or shouldn't do. Ignore it. Everyone thinks their wedding is the best, but that doesn't mean they are all right.
Put your phone down. I was barely on my phone the day of. When I was, it was during the morning to make sure everyone in the wedding party and vendors were on schedule. Once that was done, I put it down and was present in the moment.
Take time with your partner. My husband and I would find each other and walk away for a quiet moment. Even though in our attempts to get away we were stopped (8 times, but who was counting), it doesn't matter, keep walking away for that moment alone.
Realize that time stops for no one. The day, whether it be the best, worst, smooth, chaotic, clear skies, downpours, worth it, or not, will end. There will be a tomorrow and a tomorrow after that. Enjoy it for what it is, remember it for what it was, and then don't waste any more time on it.

Remember, there is a reason that all of the “wedding planning mood” cups are wine glasses.

Focus on your marriage; that investment is always worth it.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Zola.com - A website that made planning our wedding much easier at the high price of $0.00.

Entry No. 41: Professional But Not Too Professional Hoop Jumper

Wed, 04 Oct 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” - Rupi Kaur

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when I write blog posts, but this one is one that makes me feel like I should just throw the whole blog away.

Not because it’s not an important topic, it’s because I am so much of a work in progress when it comes to this topic it feels wrong to write about it.
Self love is the topic that I will be attempting to cover today.

I say the word attempting because I feel like a fraud for discussing this when I know it is something that I struggle with daily. But I find strength in the fact that maybe this is a topic that someone out there needs to hear, and maybe just maybe, it makes you feel a little less alone in the great big world.

Your relationship with yourself directly impacts your relationships with others.

The way we see, speak to, and treat ourselves establishes the manner in which we allow others to see, speak to, and treat us.

If you belittle yourself, hurt yourself, hate yourself, degrade yourself, it feels less dramatic when others in your life start to.

As someone who has had many toxic relationships/friendships as well as partners, I can attest that the way that I spoke to myself definitely played a part.

But the whole “love yourself stare into the mirror while saying how beautiful and special you are '' is something that the pessimist in me hates. When I have tried to stare into the mirror “thing” it makes me so uncomfortable that I want to make jokes to deflect.

The idea of staring at myself and calling myself beautiful makes me

*uncomfortable.*

Uncomfortable. Why is that?

Why is it that we are conditioned to say “No I don’t” after “ You look so beautiful” ?

If a person responded to a compliment saying “Thank you I know” we would call her vain or rude. Why is that?

Why do we feel like we have to belittle ourselves and be less than so others do not feel threatened? We are essentially taught this around middle school. If you don't believe me talk to an elementary schooler, their confidence is unmatched. They can be a space exploring, dragon fighting, president, and still make time for play.

I think its around middle school that we learn to say we are not beautiful or smart or strong or brave or insert any other adjective here. I wonder what that does to us as we develop? To speak all those negative things over ourselves for years. Establishing the mental pattern to be less than and to ensure that we do not step on others toes.

I only took a few psychology classes in college but that has to have SOME sort of impact right?

I think that truly loving everything about yourself is really hard for most.
In my humble opinion the reason would be to truly love someone or something you love all of it, unconditionally. That's much easier to do when it's your pet or your partner.

It's much harder to do when it is you.

I love my husband unconditionally but when it comes to me the conditions I have are miles long.

I give myself so many hoops that I have to jump through to earn love from myself. Yet I have loved people who were terrible to me and handed them back my light after they repeatedly blew it out.

Gotta love a double standard that makes no sense right?

I am working on it, and I feel like that has to count for something.
They say that the first step to rectify the problem is acknowledging the problem. Consider this one acknowledged. Now the hard part comes in, working towards fixing it.

This post is for anyone out there who has ever had trouble loving themself, you are not alone, and you are loved.

Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Self Love by Avery Anna

An incredible and unfortunately relatable song sung by someone whose bravery in the vulnerability of these lyrics deserves endless praise.

Entry No. 40: You Don’t Understand, I’m Different.

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“R emember to give yourself grace. To be as ready to forgive yourself as you do others.”

- Paula Faris

I made a mistake at work the other day.

It’s not uncommon for me to do that at work or anywhere else. I am human.
Let me run you through the circumstances.

The situation: Inspiration provoking error

The error in question: a spelling error in an internal email to a coworker who was sitting right next to me.

My response: “Ignore my spelling mistake, I am a dumb bitch.”

My coworker's response: “It’s just a typo.”

My brain: Wow that was pretty mean and just *slightly* dramatic.

I stared at my coworker processing the situation and said "wow that was really aggressive wasn't it?" He just laughed, smiled, and told me things like that happen.

How is it that he was so kind to me and yet I was so mean to me?

I made one mistake and I labeled MYSELF dumb and a bitch.. Why?

I know I am not dumb, I am actually quite smart. I always did well in school, was in multiple honors societies, graduated with honors, received academic scholarships, and have passed classes like Organic Chemistry and Calculus Four.

Yet the wrong form of “your” is enough to negate everything because one mistake is life ending.

However, if this was anyone else, I would tell them not to sweat it. I probably wouldn’t even mention it as it isn't that big of a deal. But nooooo I am held to a different standard because *insert intrusive thought here*
Can you tell she's still a recovering perfectionist or not?

This has inspired today’s topic: Giving Yourself Grace.

Essentially: letting go of the things from your past you are still holding on to and treating yourself the way that you would treat others if they made the same mistakes.

I still can tell you every embarrassing thing I have probably ever done since elementary school.

When I was super young, I tried to convince everyone in my class that I had an indoor pool in my house. Even when people who had been to my house called me a liar, as they never saw the indoor pool in question, I doubled down.

I am 26 years old with a husband and a 401K and that shit still embarrasses me.

The question is why?

If someone else told me that story of them being a literal child pretending they had a pool inside their house and said how embarrassed they were, I would tell them that was almost 20 years ago and they were a kid. I would have reminded them it was not a big deal and that they can forget that because I am sure no one else remembers it. I would have laughed it off and forgot about it probably within 20 minutes.

Yet when it is me, I sit here embarrassed by that stuff, unable to let it go.
"But you don’t understand, I’m *SoOoOoO DiFfErEnT*" says my brain.
I need to get better at giving myself grace. Giving myself forgiveness and permission for the mistakes, hurtful things, and regrets that I have from the past and the ones that I will inevitably make in the future. I need to treat myself the way that I would treat others in the same situation.

If it is a mistake or hurtful thing that impacts others then you do owe them an apology as well.

Giving yourself grace is not an act like an ass hall pass.

However, odds are you have probably asked for forgiveness and said your apologies years ago. They have probably already moved on and forgotten the situation. You are probably the only one who remembers it and still thinks about it.

If that describes you, trust me I understand.

I hold myself to standards that no one should ever be held to or could ever meet. Most of the time, if not all the time, it is pretty exhausting.
What would life be like if I let go of the stuff that I can not change and understood that no one but me is expecting me to be flawless?

I am sure there is something that weighs on your mind, that you wish you could change, that you wish you did better or something that you could “improve” about yourself.

What would life be like if you let go of the stuff that you can not change and understood that no one but you is expecting you to be flawless?

Stop getting mad at yourself for not being able to do the impossible.

No one is asking you to walk on water and no one else is doing it either.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Absolute Fruit Sorbet. It doesn’t make being kinder to yourself any easier, but delicious tasting (semi healthy) sorbet doesn’t necessarily make it harder either.

PS: You should totally check out the indoor pool at my parents house, it's right next to the mall and the space station after you take the candy elevator down.

Entry No. 39: Let Me Add That To My TBR

Wed, 16 Aug 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, " said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” - George R.R. Martin

This blog post has essentially been writing itself since I was a child.

Today is just the day that I chose to sit down and let the words flow out of me.
Books.
The magical little things that have changed my life.
When I was little I was a bookworm.
I was obsessed with books and the stories contained in them. I read all the time, even in the car, which still to this day makes me car sick. I think one of my biggest achievements was joining the One Million Word Club in elementary school. I would read books and voluntarily take quizzes on them. If I passed the quiz I was given all of the words in my book to count towards my total.
I was, and still remain, so proud of myself.
I loved reading so much.
I don’t know what happened as I got older.
There were times that I probably went years without picking up a book.
I guess I began to grow up, life became way more complicated, and so I left the fantasy realms behind.
What in the: Andy going off to college and leaving behind his toys , was I thinking?
I got back into reading slightly in 2018.
But even then it was self help books. That only sometimes did I want to read and other times forced myself into reading.
I believe the worst book was “The Richest Man in Babylon.”
This book was given to me by my financial advisor. If you know me there is nothing that puts me to sleep more than talking about money. Ask my poor husband, my eyes glaze over. It's not that the message in the book wasn't important or worth reading, it was just not of interest to me.
I was simply given this book and told to read it.
I started the book in January of 2018.
I didn't finish the book until June of 2019.
This is coming from the girl who can finish an over 500 page book in one sitting.
So you may be thinking “that book must have been so long if it took her that long to read it.” You would be wrong, it's only 194 pages .
Even if I read just one page a day, I could have read the book almost three times in the time it took me to drag through it once.
I didn’t allow myself to read anything else until I finished that book. I thought that it would be a way to motivate me to finish, clearly it didn't work so well.
I talk about what happened when I decided to start reading books that I love and not books that I felt like I was supposed to read in Entry No. 20: Are You Going To Finish That?
I fell back in love with reading, like many others, after completing the A Court Of Thorns and Roses series. This is the series I mentioned in my last blog post Entry No. 38: One In A Miracle.
It inspired me like no other and I have recommended it to many of my friends, who have also fallen in love with the characters and stories between those pages.
I have met so many friends who are in love with books as well and it has become a great source of joy for me.
There are also so many wonderful book influencers out there who share their recommendations.
I have even talked about books with some co-workers I have nothing else in common with except for the love for far away places we can never visit.
I have talked about books with some co-workers whom I now consider to be friends.
My husband has joked that reading a book is like staring at a dead tree and hallucinating for hours, or that I get lost in my books.
The truth is quite the opposite , I got found in them.
I found a part of my childhood that I was missing, and I know the younger version of me would have loved the tales of dragons, heroes, and epic love stories in the ways that I do now.
This blog post is to tell you that there is a book out there that can change you. Maybe it's not fantasy, maybe it's non fiction? Maybe it's a historical romance? Or a dystopian society? Or an autobiography? Or a comic book?
There is a story out there worth reading, simply because someone out there believed it was worth telling enough to write it down.
What if it was written for you?
I saw a TikTok recently that I have not been able to find, which makes it almost more magical that I only ever get to see it once. The woman in it spoke that when she was gone you would not be able to find her in the sun or the changes of seasons but in the pages of her books and in the stories that she loved the most.
I agree wholeheartedly. With a few minor exceptions.
I think you will be able to see my spirit in animals, in scoops of ice cream, in the smiles and laughter of my husband, in the faces of those I leave behind, in my blog and all my writings, and in my books.
When I am long gone, you can find me in Prythian, Hogwarts, Narnia, Panem, Midgard, Terrasen, Navarre, Forks, Baudelaire Mansion, and anywhere else Good prevails over Evil .
If you need me, my nose will be in a book.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling
I have recommended more books than anything in this portion of my blog to date. I recommend today the series that started it all.
To the little girl who read over one million words, we are a millions and counting now.

Entry No. 38: One In A Miracle

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”― Theodore Roosevelt

In looking for research in a previous post, I came across another beautiful blog. It had this crisp white aesthetic, multiple writers, and was designed beautifully.

Tell me why the first thought in my head was

I should quit my blog. I am never going to get there. Mine looks horrible next to theirs. Even if I wouldn’t choose my blog over theirs, what am I doing? Why do I bother?

So I am taking that insecurity, and I am using it to fuel my fire, not smother it to death.

Today is on comparison.

Why it’s not beneficial, why it’s pointless, and why we should all stop doing it.

Look I am not saying it's easy, ok, CLEARLY your girl is guilty of it.

But I do think it is important to give ourselves gentle, or in some cases not so gentle, reminders as to why we deserve to do things in our lives that are not easy.

We are all created fiercely different.

Beautifully and wonderfully made to be unique and individual. It is one of the best and most magical things about being a human.

In the history of time, in all the universes and dimensions, there has been and only will ever be one you.

Do you know how many moments had to happen exactly right for you to even be alive right now?

A Harvard Dr, Dr. Ali Binazir, calculated the odds of your existence. He did so by analyzing your parents' chance of meeting, their chance of conceiving, and including the odds of your ancestors meeting.

His conclusion was stated as follows:

“The odds that you exist at all are basically zero.”

Mic. Drop.

You, just plain and simple, you, everything you are and are destined to be, you are a miracle.

Every one of us is.

Yet we spend so much time looking around us, wishing we looked different, talked differently, and thought differently. All in an attempt to be more like someone else because we perceive that they have something different from us, therefore, making them “better.”

It’s a load of bull sh*t.

You are everything you need to be and more. You are more than enough, as you are in this moment, with no changes or differences.

I love my blog. I love its blue accents. I love the way it's laid out. I love the imperfection of the logo because it’s my handwriting. I don’t care if someone else has a blog; let them have one, let them have ten. There are more than enough URLs for all of us.

There is more than enough opportunity for all of us.

I find that taking myself out of the equation helps me to understand it better, and maybe the same will apply to you.

I love the Harry Potter series. I love everything about it, and I wouldn’t want to change a thing. I think it is one of the best fantasy series of all time. The first Harry Potter book was published on 26 June 1997.

I also love the A Court of Thorns and Roses series. I also love everything about it, and I wouldn't want to change a thing. I also think it is one of the best fantasy series of all time. The first book in this series was published on May 5, 2015.

In case you were counting, the difference is:

6,523 days

7 years
10 months
& 10 days

What if Sarah J. Maas, the author of ACOTAR, decided not to write her books? Because, well, let's face it, Harry Potter exists, there is already a fantastic fantasy series. Why would she bother bringing her ideas to the table? It's not like anyone's going to read it. She could never write like JK Rowling.

If she had listened to any intrusive thoughts, which let's be honest, we all have, then I would have never fallen back in love with books as an adult.

She created a fantastic fantasy series that is being turned into a television show. Her ideas have inspired countless other writers and fans. She has over 1.6 million reviews for her first book in this series.

She writes perfectly because she writes like herself.

You have no idea what you bring to the table, how you can change the world, how you can inspire others, or how much you matter.

My challenge to you is this: what other people do, how they look, what they think about you, all of that is none of your business.

When you start to find yourself comparing yourself to others, remember that your being alive is in no way, shape, or form anything less than a Goddamn Miracle.

Anyone who wants to tell you otherwise will have to go through me.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

A Court of Thorns and Roses.

I will never stop recommending this series to people. It is one of my all-time favorites. “To the people who look at the stars and wish” “To the stars who listen— and the dreams that are answered.”

Entry No. 37: Presence In The Present

Wed, 02 Aug 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.” ― Regina Brett

There is a trend going around the internet that I couldn’t be more in love with. ←- That is something that I rarely say because I am usually not super into fast-paced trends. But this one, I think, should be here to stay.
The trend is “the romanticize your life trend”.

If you haven’t heard of this before because the all-knowing algorithm hasn't dropped it on your doorstep yet, allow me to explain. According to the New York Times, romanticizing your life is:

“It asks us to appreciate what we have right in front of us and to live with intention, no matter how mundane our daily rituals might be — a reminder to look for moments of beauty and embrace minimalism.”

This means little things like taking a shower, having breakfast, walking your dog, and all the things that you do every day, make them special tasks that you look forward to.

I have seen this idea for years through social media, but it felt as though it didn't have a name until recently.

I think this new trend perfectly coincides with the de-cluttering and de-influencing that is also occurring on social media.
There was a period of time when most of my feed was people trying to convince you to purchase things because they were telling you that you needed it or that it would change your life.

It can be overwhelming to feel like you have to have this next single-use gadget to be a better partner, parent, or person.

It's refreshing to see people realize that the answer to the overwhelm and problems in our environment isn't more clutter.

Romanticizing your life can be similar to simplification in the home, as both allow us to be intentional with our space.

Treating each mug like they are special when you make your coffee each morning. It makes the moment feel more special than the mundane but it also incentivizes you to respect what you have instead of thinking that you need more.
I have seen this before while looking for fitness motivation as well.
Most of the sources that I have read say the same thing, buying “cute workout clothes” and then you will be motivated to work out in them. While I don’t think that we should have to buy items for everything we need to do, if that twenty-dollar workout set gets you incentivized to do something for your health then go for it . Make that workout feel special, it is!
80 year old you would love to be in a body that is as capable as the one that you are in now.
I also can relate to this topic heavily when it comes to using items that bring me joy. I find myself saving my things for a special time.
Oh, that's my special perfume.

Oh, that's my special candle.
Oh, I only wear that jewelry on a special occasion.
Oh, I only wear those nice pajama sets when I have company.

But…. WHY?
I have so many questions regarding this.
Why do I deem certain things more valuable? It’s all just stuff, it is not like I can take it with me, it was bought or given to me to be used. That is the item's purpose: to be used. Not to be hoarded like I am a squirrel preparing for winter.
What makes today any worse than a special day? What if that special day never comes? Those who clean out my house will find those piles of good candles and burn them or donate them.
We need to stop making happiness a “when”.
Life is finite and each day is precious. Romanticizing you day is appreciating today for what it is, a blessing.
I have written many posts on gratitude in the past as I think it is one of the most beneficial and important things that you can do for yourself and those in your life. I feel like this topic goes hand in hand with the topic of gratitude as it is appreciating every aspect of your life for what it is.
When you look back at your life and all of its stressors most of the time it can be traced back to a blessing, yes even the ones that you think doing so would be impossible for .
Take your job for instance, it might be annoying and stressful but it’s a job and that is something that not everyone has. Sure it might be annoying to have to do house repairs but at least you own a home to do repairs on and that is more than most of us can say. Apply that to car repairs as well, at least you are not walking to work every day.
I think about this when it comes to my animals. There are times no matter how much you love them that being a pet owner is hard. Even if it is pouring outside the dogs still need to go for a walk. That means you put on your raincoat and you walk them. It means muddy paw prints that need to be dried and a house that smells like a wet dog.
But what if each of these things was our last?
I am sure that we would head into that moment with more intentionality than ever before.
I am not necessarily a huge fan of the “main character energy” phrase because the people around us are not all NPCs (Non Playable Characters). They are real people with real feelings and we should treat them as such. However, treat yourself like you are the main character in your little life movie.
I believe that when you realize how special not only you are but the moment you are in. The sip of that drink, the smell of the candle, the laugh of a friend, the kisses from a pet, it's all finite.
Treat each moment like the precious thing that it is and I believe that will be when you truly become alive.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
Frenshe Bath Bombs.
Make your bath extra fun and special with something out of the ordinary. You don't need them but they are nice to have. I don’t take baths often but when I do Cashmere Vanilla bath bombs are just * chef’s kiss *

Entry No. 36: I’m Totes In My #SocialMediaEra

Wed, 26 Jul 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Social media is both a dark and brilliant thing for mental health.” Fearne Cotton

I have been thinking about what I wanted to write for this blog post for a while. Since the creation of The Modest Journal over a year ago, this has been a topic on my very organized idea list.

But this is such a daunting topic as it is not a black or white topic, there is a metric f*ck ton of grey area .

Our topic today is:

Social Media.

Ironically, as mentioned in the past previous posts, I found an old email that contained some of my old writing. When I went through the emails, I found the 2014 version of me writing about, you guessed it, social media.
It's so funny to see how things have changed. For example, Tumblr was one of the most used forms of social media at the time. Social media is constantly changing as new apps, methods of communication, and uses for the platforms evolve at a rate that feels like milliseconds.

Although the platforms and the key players in the industry have shifted and changed, for the most part, my beliefs on the use of Social Media have stayed pretty true.

I will be incorporating some of my previous writings in this post, as I have in the past, and signifying those pieces in a blue font.

I think it is a cool way for me and for you to see into the mind of a 16-year-old Morgan.

It's mind-blowing to me to think that the generations growing up now do not know a world without the internet, social media, smartphones, and hashtags.

We are for the first time seeing the effects of a generation growing up with computers in their back pocket.

The boom of social media and the internet spread like wildfire. Social networking began in its infancy back in 1971 when the very first email message was sent. Twenty years later, the World Wide Web became part of our language. It would be basically impossible to find someone who is not utilizing some form of social media/internet or has not at least heard of it.
I see social media as a hub for so much good. Since social media has such a large audience with immediate access, it can be a tool to help us all make the world a better place if we choose to utilize it in that way.

I believe social media to be a tool, and like any tool, it's all in how you use it.
Social media allows friends and families to stay connected with real-time sharing of information, photos, and important life events that otherwise may be overlooked or unknown. Individuals can share both personal and professional information, enabling people to connect with others and providing an avenue to new career opportunities that traditional job searches can’t compete with in terms of both local and long-distance exposure. Social media cultivates the idea of a more global society as people create connections that may not have been possible otherwise.

We connect in ways that we have never connected before. Peers who graduated high school years prior can schedule reunions. Families who have been separated can reconnect and establish relationships. Friends can keep in touch with their friends who could have moved out of state or maybe to a new country. You can share your opinions on the local restaurants and help a small business succeed.

All of this communication allows people to not feel so alone, to make friends with those who have similar interests, to learn a new skill, and to see cute animals being adorable.

Has everyone seen the “Ninja Chinchilla?” I mean COME ON!

There are also little corners of the internet devoted to wholesome acts of kindness, joy, heartwarming stories, and specific interests like books (Shout out to #BookTok ), children, and animals.

Places to go when the world seems very overwhelming, to focus on all of the good around us.

I mean, this blog was created as a way to share my thoughts and feelings in the hopes of connecting with and inspiring others. It has brought a lot of good to my life and hopefully to its readers. But that doesn't mean that I haven't received negative comments or hate comments on my content. I will try to delete those and not respond, as I want my little slice of the world wide web to be a positive place. However, it just goes to show that even someone with the best intentions can still attract someone with the worst.
Social media when used for good as a quick pick me up or to connect with others causes ZERO problems , but when utilized as an escape to “doom scroll” for hours can be very bad for one's mental health.

Social media can provide a distortion of the truth, allowing users to create an online façade of the “perfect life.” It is a way to compartmentalize a person almost to the point of leading a double or even multiple lives. This is problematic since users may be exposed to a distorted reality by information or images that are strategically posted to enhance a virtual identity.
Not only can this lead to dissociation, but it can lead to comparison as well. Growing up as a little girl, it was hard enough not to feed into insecurities and judging yourself against others. I can not imagine how hard it must be as a child now with access to appearance-altering filters and perfectly edited images of others on the internet to fuel the feelings of “Why don’t I look like them?”

Self-esteem has always been an issue for teens, I suppose, but in this day and age, it is hard to tell if we have too little or too much self-esteem.
In this era of “selfies” and YouTube, it appears as if this generation is rather self-absorbed, posting pictures and videos throughout the day almost every day. Once posted, the focus then becomes constant surveillance to see how many likes, comments, and retweets the post receives to boost the self-esteem even more. Conversely, if something is posted that others don’t like or if something is unknowingly posted by another without prior consent, the effects can be quite damaging.

The fact is that everyone I know has a camera and a video camera available at the press of a button during the entire day to capture anything they choose to post for the world to see.

Also, I don't know if you know this or not, but for every ten facts on the internet, four of them are incorrect and have no source. ← Just like that one.
Not everything you read on the internet is true.

Just because someone tells you Abe Lincoln said something doesn’t mean he did.

With access to social media, information travels at a rapid pace to unprecedented numbers of people. What once may have taken days or even weeks to spread now happens instantaneously.

We are living in a society where people are increasingly uninhibited from sharing information.

This doesn't just apply to incorrect facts but personal information as well. Posting when you’re on vacation allows people with bad intentions to know when your house is vacant. Posting your children can allow people access to all kinds of information like their name, birthday, schools, friends, sports, and interests, and generally gives some really messed-up people a lot of information they can manipulate to hurt your child and your family. Posting your relationship status, religious or political views, and blatantly oversharing allows everyone and anyone to have an opinion on you and your thoughts.

Social media has also led to generational differences.

Misunderstandings about technology have led to phrases like "they're a MiLlEnNiAl" and "Ok BoOmEr."

This generation growing up is going to have it rough.

This certainly does not imply that previous generations have not endured hard times. After all, my grandmother is one of ten children who grew up during the depression era, where food and clothing were luxuries. What I believe to be the root cause of my generation’s difficulties is the advanced technology, which results in decreased communication skills, self-esteem issues, and incessant accessibility.

The fact is that most people either have their phone in their hand or in their pocket the entire day with the exception of nighttime. However, the phone still remains close by, charging throughout the night. Not only does this give them access to everything on social media, but everything in social media has access to them.

Experts argue that attention spans are shorter, writing skills are diminished, family interaction has decreased, and privacy is an issue as a result of social media use.

I am not quite sure what the obsession is with having the phone in hand all hours of the day, but it is what we have come to know. Texting happens continually throughout, group texts keep the phone buzzing all hours of the day and night, and social media lets everyone know where we are, who we are with, and what we are doing at all times

This is a topic that I can go into the weeds in, as there are so many layers to it. If that is something you all are interested in, let me know. I am always looking to hear suggestions about what kind of content you need to see from me.
Social media, like humans, I believe to be inherently good.

I think it is a tool that has changed lives and history for the better. We are seeing anew wave of cleansing anew, calling out liars, bullies, and cheaters, making it so people can't hide behind masks, and bringing genuine issues to light on a global scale.

I have said it a million times before, and I will continue to say it most likely indefinitely:

A few pounds of dirt in the ocean doesn't make it dirty; humanity is the same way. There is good in the world, lots of good. Our water just gets a little muddy sometimes, but it always clears up. Although it couldn't hurt if we stopped throwing trash into it.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Tank’s Good News : Exactly what it sounds like, good news from around the world.

Hopefully, this can remind you of the wise words of the best headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen: "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light"

Entry No. 35: Homework From Heaven Part Three

Tue, 18 Jul 2023 01:20:00 GMT

“Grandmothers are a gift not to be taken lightly. So many lose them before they are old enough to know their magic.” - Nikita Gill

In Entry No. 33 I speak about how I am currently feeling called to share the stories and memories of my loved ones who have passed, even if no one ever reads it. This urge came to me in a dream that I woke up from feeling unable to deny the request from the other side.
The following morning I discovered writing that was 10 years old, written by a 16-year-old girl about the very people I was feeling called to write about. 26-year-old me found these writings. I have chosen to incorporate bits of that writing in this piece as I did last week in Entry No. 34 which was written about my grandfather. The excerpts about my grandma are taken from scholarship essays, poems, blog posts, memorial writing, and victim impact statements from one of her murder's parole hearings.
I have signified something that was written by 16-year-old Morgan in a blue font.
I don’t want this entry to be an entire biography about my grandma, but I do want to honor some of my favorite memories and stories of her. The ones that I think should be told.
I understand if this is not your style or if you're not interested in this post. I will see you next week when we are back to our regularly scheduled content. If you want to hear a few stories and memories about a strong and beautiful woman, you have come to the right entry.
My grandmother's name was Betty Lou. She was a hard-working, loyal, selfless, thoughtful, joyous, strong woman. From what I am told she loved Pepsi, her favorite movies were Dirty Dancing and Ghost, she hated her picture being taken, and she would give the shirt off of her back for someone in need. I would like to think I got my empathetic heart from her, although there is a good chance my mother was involved in that too.
As for my experiences with my grandmother, they are all unfortunately after she has passed. My grandmother was murdered three months prior to my birth.
“Life is such a precious gift. I know those words are used unconsciously by many people, but I have come to appreciate this preciousness firsthand. The brevity and frailty of life are most evident to me through tragedy in my own family.
On a beautiful Sunday, my grandmother was called at home and asked to come in to work on her day off to fill in for other staff who did not report to work. Always hardworking and helpful, my grandmother gladly agreed to come to work. That evening, after the restaurant doors were closed and locked, patrons continued to finish their meals as the restaurant staff began the process of cleaning up in preparation for closing. As my grandmother opened a locked storage room door in the kitchen, she was greeted by gunfire which ended her life. This wife, mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, and friend was left to die on a kitchen floor at the very young age of 48. My mother was seven months pregnant with me at the time of my grandmother’s murder.”
Although we never met on this spiritual plane, I know we have spent time together and we have an unexplainable connection.
“While I never was blessed to have met my grandmother in the flesh, we share a deep spiritual connection that I cannot begin to explain. Perhaps it is because my mother and I went through this horrific experience together, even though I had not yet been born.”
Because of her murder, I went to school to study forensic chemistry.
“It was through the hard work and dedication of law enforcement individuals that led them to arrest the three individuals who were responsible for my grandmother’s murder. All my life I have had to witness what victims, specifically my family, must endure even years after the crime. Just as the wounds begin to heal ever so slightly, there is always another hearing, another appeal, another letter from the prison that reopens the wounds and exposes those terribly raw feelings. I have chosen to study Forensic Science not only for my interest in the field on its own merit but also for the influence this very personal reason has had in my life. My hope is to assist other victims of violent crime through my chosen career the way my family has been assisted. By helping others I am able to support them in their healing process during a time of tragedy. In this way, I also honor the memory of my Grandma Betty.”
Although life has a funny way of working things out the way they need to be and not the way that we want them to be (see Entry No. 27 as to why I never got my forensic chemistry degree).
When I was 16 and asked to write a poem about why I chose my major this is what I wrote:
“Many jobs can change a life. Teacher, doctor, husband, and wife. In many ways large or small, A single role to benefit all. The professional I aspire to be, Has more or less chosen me. While still in my mother’s womb Came a day of mournful gloom. A bullet met her beating heart, And a mortal soul did depart. Murderers they were, all three Who robbed this woman’s life from me. Now as I am nearly grown I’ll fight the fight that’s not my own. Justice is the truth I seek As victims’ worlds turn darkly bleak. For at the hands of greedy others, We should not lose our blessed mothers.”
I still stand behind that poem today.
When I was 17 one of her murderers was up for parole. Two of the three people involved in her murder were released prior to this parole hearing for the gunman. As I was under 18 at the time I was unable to be there in the room but, I was able to write a statement that was read on my behalf. I have included the words of a 17-year-old freshman in college Morgan below.
“Most people would agree that I have a very bright future ahead of me. But if a life sentence is considered to have been served today, then according to our legal system my life would be considered over today because I was born three months after my grandmother was murdered. If my life was to end today, I will never hold a professional full-time job. I will never get to vote. I will never have more than a provisional driving license. I will never graduate college. I will never see my younger brother graduate high school. I will never get married. I will never start a family. I will never see my parents retire and become grandparents. I will never really get to experience life.”
“The person seated before you received a life sentence. A life sentence for murder should mean that the murderer will remain behind bars until their last breath. Not just 30 years, not eligible for parole after serving only half of the sentence, and no reductions in time for “good behavior” and “demonstrated improvement.” I can’t change the legal system today to more appropriately reflect the crimes committed, but it is my sincerest hope that my words are able to impart even the tiniest glimpse into the nightmare my family must endure. Even if this murderer served the entire 30-year sentence, upon his release from prison he would be the same age my grandmother was when he took her life which is only 48 years old.”
“I am blessed to know who my grandmother was by the wonderful family she raised, the inspiration she provided, and the legacy she bestowed upon those of us left behind. My grandmother was a devoted wife, a loving mother, a proud grandmother, a beloved sister, a cherished friend, and a dedicated employee. In fact, my grandmother wasn’t even scheduled to work at the restaurant the day she was killed. We can’t help but consider the obvious “what if” – what if she chose not to work that day? However, after receiving a call from her employer requesting her to work on her day off, she was more than willing to go in and help out which has always been her nature. She worked very hard throughout her short life to provide the very best she could for her family. The day she was killed was no exception. I am frequently told how much I resemble my grandmother, and for me, that is the greatest compliment I can ever receive. Although I was robbed of the opportunity to know my grandmother in the flesh, my grandmother always has been and forever will be my biggest hero.”
“The pathetic excuse for a human being seated before you today is nobody’s hero, and he never will be. A high school dropout. An individual is too lazy to work so he chose to steal. A coward hiding in a restaurant’s utility closet. A terrorist shooting and killing an innocent woman. Someone who gave no thought to his selfish actions, the consequences, or the effect that it not only had on our family and friends but his family as well. I don’t accept that he could possibly have had enough time to realize the full effect of his actions or enough time to learn how to be a better human being than he was the day he murdered my grandmother. This individual chose to illegally obtain a handgun, load it, aim it, and pull the trigger taking my grandmother’s life and forever changing mine. “
“I vividly remember the day I learned how my grandmother actually died. Until that time I assumed she died peacefully in her sleep. I was in the 5th grade working on a family tree project for school. As I learned about different aspects of our family tree, nothing could have prepared me for the answer I received after asking how my father’s mother died. I collapsed to my knees crying in our dining room that evening at the words my father spoke. My parents had successfully kept the tragic truth from me for my entire life. But when their 10-year-old daughter directly asked, they made the painful decision to reveal the unbelievable truth. They were kind enough to spare me from the details for years, but the literal pain I felt in my chest when I learned my grandmother was murdered is something I will never forget.”
“Each visit to my grandmother’s grave is equally as difficult as the one before it. Somehow it never gets easier to replace the flowers and clean the headstone. Although I pray for peace and comfort for myself and my family, this grief will never end until I am in a grave of my own. Every holiday, every birthday, every celebration, and every major life event is another painful reminder that someone very important from my life is missing. Graduating from high school without my grandmother was extraordinarily difficult and a stark reminder of all the occasions in my life where her absence is felt and forever will be.”
“Thank you for allowing my family to read this statement on my behalf today, a statement which has been writing itself for the past seventeen years. I have thought many times about what I would say to the person who stole my grandmother from me while gravely traumatizing my family. The terrible last moments of her life are forever etched in the hearts and minds of her husband, children, grandchildren, siblings, and friends. This man is in prison today based on intentional choices he made and actions he carried out without regard for human life. My family is here not by choice but forced by the very hand that pulled a trigger multiple times and took an innocent life. The unfortunate reality is that, unlike my grandmother, this murderer has his life, his family, and one day will walk out of this prison with his freedom. We exist in a perpetual state of fear for our own lives and safety. I beg of you to please consider carefully how this man’s intentional and inhumane actions have forever damaged so many lives and brought unspeakable grief to those of us struggling to cope with my grandmother’s senseless murder. His life sentence will end one day. Ours will not.”
I left my victim's impact statement in its entirety minus the part where I described my high school accolades where I was going to college and personal information, for obvious reasons. The rest remains untouched because there is not one word, phrase, feeling, or point I would change in that statement.
I am proud of that writing.
That writing helped to keep a murderer behind bars, where I hope he will remain.
My mom said that when they were cleaning out her closet after the murder they found a box addressed to my parents with a blank card and some baby onesies. She had bought them for my mother's baby shower for me and was never able to give them to her. We still have that box and card unopened to this day.
When I was only a few months old my mom said that toys would find their way into my crib at night. That I would be crying for a toy from my crib, but my parents didn't place it there due to safety reasons. When they would walk into my room in the morning they would find me in the crib curled up with the toy. There were times when my mother actually saw toys airborne and floating in my room. Eventually, this scared her enough that she loaded me up in the car, drove the hour to my grandmother's grave, and spoke to her. She told her that if it was her she appreciated knowing that she was around, but she was scaring her and she was worried for my safety.
It never happened again.
My mom and I joked that it's because one of her favorite movies was Ghost, she learned how to move things around the “right way.”
When I was 14 months old I was with my parents at the mall. It was around valentines day and my mom was taking me to the car to load me into the car seat. As my mom was approaching the car she said two women approached her. She said they asked if I could have a balloon and gave me a big heart balloon that said “We Love You.” My mom says they fussed over me longer than most people would a baby and kept saying how “beautiful I was.” As my mom got me to the car balloon and all she buckled me into my car seat. I looked at her and said, “I see Grandma Betty and Aunt Punkin.”
Aunt Punkin or Punk as she was often called was my Grandma's sister. She passed away unexpectedly and was very young. Less than a few weeks after the final person in my grandmother's murder trial was convicted she passed. Doctors literally said her passing was a result of a broken heart.
Being that it was so recently after both of their deaths, it was still so hard for my family to talk about and it wasn't something that a 14-month-old would have picked up on. My mom said she immediately started crying and knew just who those two visitors with the I love you balloon were. We still have that balloon to this day.
Growing up I would have vivid dreams about her and wake up and draw them. I would be able to draw my grandmother in her uniform, which I obviously had never seen, and to tell my family about things I would have had no way of knowing. I believe my mom has kept some of those drawings.
Children do truly have a connection to the other side that is unparalleled.
Being now that I am planning my wedding and imagining life as a parent her absence feels even greater. It's hard to know all of the moments that we missed out on because of the events that day. My wedding will actually be on the 27th anniversary of her murder. We are hoping to make that day a more joyous one in our family, but it will be a day that I will never forget.
Each year on that day I take time to remember her, share her story, share who she was, and how loved she was. I have for almost ten years now and I will for as long as I am able.
It is hard to sum up the life of someone so special in a few short pages. I tried to keep this post short but there is always so much to say. I wish I had some of my own memories to share about who she was but I was robbed of that opportunity. I am sure there are memories I could share based on stories from my parents and other relatives, but to me, that does not feel as genuine.
When you feel called to do something, you do it, no matter what.
And hey, I am not going to ignore my grandmother or her requests, even from the other side.
Yes, ma'am grandmother ma'am!
If you have grandparents that are still alive, hug them, love them, listen to them. We don't realize how precious their life and time is until we no longer have the luxury of it.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
The movie Dirty Dancing. Its a classic if you have never seen it and it is just as great the second time around. Drink a Pepsi while you watch it for bonus points.
To Grandma Betty:
I am because you were. I will see you again some day. I love you more than words can express.
XOXO,
Mo

Entry No. 34: Homework From Heaven Part Two

Mon, 03 Jul 2023 14:04:00 GMT

“Great fathers get promoted to grandfathers.” Joseph Marshall III

In Entry No. 33 , I speak about how I am currently feeling called to share the stories and memories of some of my loved ones who have passed, even if no one ever reads it. This urge came to me in a dream that I woke up from, feeling unable to deny the request from the other side.

The following morning, I discovered writing that was 10 years old, written by a 16-year-old girl about the very people I was feeling called to write about. The 26-year-old me found these writings, and I have chosen to incorporate bits of that writing in this piece and next week as well. The excerpts about my grandpa are taken from a scholarship essay that I wrote around a prompt about tobacco awareness. As my Grandpa passed away directly related to his smoking when he was younger.

I have signified something that was written by 16-year-old Morgan in a blue font.

I don’t want this entry to be an entire biography about my grandpa, but I do want to honor some of my favorite memories and stories of him. The ones that I think should be told.

I understand if this is not your style or if you're not interested in this post. I will see you in a few weeks when we are back to our regularly scheduled content. If you want to hear a few stories and memories about a kick-ass man, you have come to the right entry.

My grandpa was named Howard, but anyone who knew him called him Pete. He was a no-frills kind of man, he worked hard, he drank cheap beer, he had enough plaid shirts to wear a different one every single day and still have some leftover, he loved his family, he was a prankster, he was an Air Force Veteran, he collected dimes, he loved animals, he always had a bandana in his pocket, and he was an incredible person.

One of my most vivid memories of my grandpa was sadly one of the last I have of him.

“When I was 9 years old, I clearly remember stopping by my grandparents’ house one evening. As my mom and I sat talking with my grandparents, my grandfather was using his nebulizer to aid in the treatment of his COPD, resulting from smoking cigarettes. It was the first time I could see on his face how the disease was taking its toll on his body. As my grandfather took his treatment, he looked at me and said, “If I ever see you pick up a cigarette, I will break your damn arm. While his statement may seem harsh and perhaps even abusive to some, it left an indelible mark on me. Not physically, but emotionally. It was at that moment that I realized how much my grandfather truly cared for me and my well-being. In less than 4 months from that day, my beloved grandfather passed away.”

That was the first and only time in my life that I heard him swear.

He was traditional in the sense that he would swear around his buddies and men but never around women or children unless you accidentally snuck up on him, of course.

I remember that moment so vividly because I thought, “Wow, Grandpa is serious about this.” I stayed true to the promise I made him, and to this day, I have never smoked anything in my life. In fact, if you know me in real life, I often stop people from smoking or encourage them to quit. I won’t ever break that promise to him, and I won't stop trying to help others from the dangers of smoking.

My Grandpa was a fighter. I think that I got some of my fighting spirit from him. I also think my Grandpa was more spiritually aware or sensitive than he realized. He often noticed things that others did not. When I was younger, he called me “marked” to my mother. He said that being since my mom was pregnant with me during the murder of my grandmother that I was “marked.” I know he meant it as a compliment, and over the years, my family has seen what he meant by that statement, but I am sure it freaked my mother out, who was holding her new baby.

She never told me that story before. She told me just once, and it was the night I dreamt of my grandfather a few weeks ago.

I think he was more aware of things than most. He insisted on staying in the hospital (which he hated) because of a gut feeling. That gut feeling proved to be something that prolonged his life.

“Grandpa was admitted to the hospital for treatment of congestive heart failure on Mother’s Day in May 2005 and again in June 2005. The day Grandpa was to be discharged, he informed the doctor he felt he needed to stay one more night. This is not characteristic of my grandfather since he loathed being a patient on the cardiac floor.

He must have known something because that night, for some reason, his heart stopped, and his defibrillator did not work.

He was revived after 35 minutes of CPR, but he suffered a spinal stroke and was unable to walk after that. For six long weeks, it was a roller coaster of Grandpa doing better and then Grandpa getting worse. He was in two different hospitals, as well as a brief stay in a nursing home, before he developed a deadly blood infection. Sadly, on August 1, 2005 – the day before his 67th birthday – he passed away in his home surrounded by Grandma and three of his four children.”

Being from Maryland, blue crabs are a way of life. It's hard to find a place here that doesn't have something with crab meat on the menu or Old Bay Seasoning on the table.

My grandparents used to host crab feasts at their house and invite everyone around to pick crabs. My grandpa would get the crabs live and steam them in the backyard. Everyone who had his crabs swears they were the best they ever had. He had a perfect blend of seasoning which he never wrote down, he “just eyeballed it. ”, and almost 20 years later, no one has been able to get it just right. Although my uncle has come pretty close before. We were always one crab short at the feasts, though. Grandpa would pick one lucky crab and let it loose on the grass for the grandkids to play with. We would run around being chased by one of the crabs for hours.

Those are still some of the cousins’ favorite memories.

My personal favorite story about my grandfather involves him and my grandmother.
If soulmates are real, my grandparents were a genuine pair. I believe I heard their love story for the first time after my grandpa passed. I know for certain that the first time I heard it from my grandmother was only a couple of years ago.

I used to work close to where my grandmother lived and on my lunch breaks, I would pick her up sometimes and take her out to eat. She loves Olive Garden, and the people there recognize her. She gets all dressed up and makes a big deal out of it; it's pretty precious.

As we were talking at the table, my grandfather came up, as he naturally does, and my grandmother shared their story. My grandparents knew each other in high school. They always liked each other and briefly dated. My grandmother still has a picture of them at their prom.

Not long after, my grandfather quit high school to join the Air Force and left town. Years and years later, after their kids were grown, my grandpa went back to school and graduated with his GED. I think that is one of the best representations of his work ethic and dedication.

My grandmother got married to a wonderful man (whose name I will omit for privacy reasons), and they moved out of state. They traveled all around the East Coast for his job, so they were never in one place for too long.
10 years later, in April of 1966, my grandmother came back to her hometown to visit her sister and brother-in-law. When they were driving in the car, they stopped at a stop sign, and a work van pulled up next to them. My grandma remembers hearing her sister say, “Oh my gosh, look, it's Pete!” My grandmother made eye contact with my grandpa, and both cars pulled to the side of the road. They chatted on Main Street for a while and then spent some time together before my grandmother ultimately had to return to her husband.

One of the first things that she did when she made it home was tell her husband she needed a divorce.

He replied, saying, “It's Pete, isn’t it?”

For the 60s and for being a woman, this was practically unheard of. My grandmother cries when she tells this part of the story. She says she never meant to hurt her first husband; she just knew that she couldn't be with him anymore.

I have reminded her many times that without her bravery and honesty with herself and her first husband at that moment, her kids, her grandkids, and her great-grandkids would have never existed.

She set her first husband free, and she followed her heart, no matter how scary it was.

I admire her so much for that courage.

My grandmother came home, married my grandfather on September 2nd, 1966, and the rest is quite literally history.

Anyone who knew my grandpa knows the stories about his dimes and has probably experienced him leaving one for them. While he was alive, my grandfather collected dimes, and since he has passed, he has started quite a collection for his relatives.

Relatives and friends find themselves all over the world at pivotal moments in our lives and when we need them the most. They are always in inexplicable places and in displayed in ways that don't make sense. Some of my personal examples include:

The day I broke up with my high school ex-boyfriend, I came home and took off the shoes I had been wearing all day to find a cold dime inside my shoe. What high schooler do you know who carries change? Why was the dime cold?
Senior pictures photo shoot in my cheerleading uniform. We walked around this huge park for almost an hour trying to find a place to shoot. When we finally found the spot, I slid into the splits for a picture, and in between my legs was a dime from the year that I was born. I still have that photo from that day, the photographer was shocked.
On my 21st birthday, returning from dinner, and when I open the door to my bedroom, a dime is sitting in the center of the carpet.
I found dimes under my windshield wipers on the outside as soon as I got out of the car after my drive to work. How did it get there? How did it survive an hour's drive?
I walked out of my room and walked back in to find a dime on my pillow.
On my first date with my husband, I found a dime with the year he was born on it.
After changing desks in a car dealership, I found a dime on the salesman's desk, the year of the car I was buying. I told the man the story, and he let me take the dime. He said he couldn't remember the last time that he had changed. That dime is still in my car today.

I remember telling my husband about this when we first started dating, and him dismissing them as coincidences. When my husband was getting ready to leave for a three-month TDY, I was in bed, worried and watching him pack. I rolled over, and there was a dime on his pillow. I turned to him and said, "Look, my grandpa is telling me it's going to be ok!"

He said that it must have fallen out of his pocket when he was packing, and it was a coincidence.

As he was walking down the steps with his bag packed, there was a dime on the back of the couch. He picks it up and looks at the year, and it's the same year that he was born. I immediately started laughing and said, "Told ya, buddy!" and he thought that I was messing with him. I assured him I was not.

He said, Again, this is a coincidence.

As he is packing the truck with his bags on the footboard of his truck, he sees not one but THREE dimes all the year he was born in a row on the footboard. I stood there grinning.

He looked at me and said, "Okay, wow, this is absolutely happening and not a coincidence."

I told you my grandpa was a prankster.

Since that day, my husband has been a believer. My grandpa now leaves dimes for my husband all over the world. Whether that be through the army on deployments and drill weekends, TDYs with his full-time job, or just days at home. They have brought him a new sense of comfort and a smile each time he sees them. He sends me pictures every time he finds them.

I think it's my grandpa's personal little signs of approval.

It is hard to sum up the life of someone so special in a few short pages. I tried to keep this post to some of my favorite memories. I am sure there are more detailed memories I could share based on stories from my mother, aunts and uncles, or cousins, but to me, that does not feel as genuine.

When you feel called to do something, you do it, no matter what.
And hey, I am not going to ignore my grandfather or his requests, even from the other side.

Yes, sir, grandfather sir!

If you have grandparents who are still alive, hug them, love them, and listen to them. We don't realize how precious their life and time are until we no longer have the luxury of them.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Pabst Blue Ribbon - have one in honor of my grandfather, he will be cheers-ing you up in heaven. Bonus points if you do so wearing plaid.

P.S. - Within minutes of my uploading this post, which was five days late and not planned to be published today, my husband found a dime.

I see you, Grandpa. I see you.

XOXO,

Entry No. 33: Homework From Heaven Part One

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 14:31:00 GMT

"The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity."

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Divine timing is no joke, and I am about to tell you why.

I had a dream about this blog post.

A dream that I needed to write about two of the most influential people in my life, and I feel it weighing on my chest so heavily that I am being called to write this. I often ignore this urge when it feels like

A: No one would read it,

B: It is a topic so egocentric that no one could benefit from it

C: No one would care to read it

But today I am doing it anyway.

I don’t think this is a topic that I can ignore.

I think the signs from the other side will become so unavoidably blatant if I choose to put this off.

I can not practice avoidance to live in comfort; I am not wired for that.

I am choosing to write this post as I believe someone or someones on the other side is calling me to do so.

This has happened to me one other time in the history of this blog, and that was Entry No. 27 , which is the post where I discuss my abuser and my history with domestic violence. I felt called to write that post so heavily, and people tried to discourage me. Many friends and family members, even strangers on the internet, ask why I continue to talk about it.

I talk about it because it matters, because I refuse to be silenced ever again, and because I could have used someone who was speaking out in courage when I felt so alone.

I posted it anyway.

It has become my most successful and widely shared/viewed entry to date. I had so many people reach out to me who have been through domestic violence and said that they were moved by my words.

I even had someone reach out saying my continuing to speak about it inspired them to leave.

I see you, sweet friend.

I felt called to write it because they needed the words in my heart, and had I chosen to ignore that feeling, things could have turned out very differently.
So when I got that feeling last night, I knew this could not be ignored.

I decided this morning to write the post that has been weighing heavily on my heart, even if no one reads it.

That’s when the magic started happening.

I stumbled upon some of my old scholarship essay applications and writings from when I was in high school. Essays written by a 16/17 year old Mo and I was pretty taken aback.

I always knew I loved words, but writing was something that I would have thought became prominent in my heart only a few years ago. But reading my writing that is almost 10 years old hit me pretty hard this morning for a few reasons.

I wrote then like I write now. I feel like the style and the messages are pretty much on par with my words now. It's cool to know that in all the changes that I have gone through in ten years, who I am at the core is the same.
I realize that writing has been something that I have been drawn to for years more than I realized, and that reaffirms in my heart the existence of this blog
Finally, the things that I have been feeling called to do, to write about some of the most important people to me who have passed, I have written multiple pieces about each before.

Divine timing is funny.

Last night I had a dream that I needed to write about them.

Today, I found 10-year-old essays I don't remember writing containing the words I have been feeling compelled to share.

I see you God, I see you.

I want to write about two very, very important people in my life who are no longer with us. I want to write about who they were, how they lived, how they impacted me, and how loved they are.

I am choosing to write about my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather.

As I will be including a lot of words, stories, and memories, I have decided for the first time to break up a post into multiple posts.

This post will serve as the introduction to my Homework From Heaven Series. The next entry will be about my grandfather, and the following about my grandmother.

I truly believe in eternal life after death, and I believe that our loved ones can communicate with us in a multitude of ways. Whether that be through dreams, physical signs, or just through messages that are placed in our hearts.

What I am saying is: I hear you two, loud and clear. I respect my elders, and I am getting to work writing this. I love you guys!

To you, sweet reader, I hope in some way the thing I am called to share with you matters to you, that you might be the reason for me sharing.

If you're not, and I am just tasked to write something that no one is intended to read, I hope that I can make two incredible souls feel at peace.

Hug your loved ones close; tomorrow is not guaranteed, and life is precious.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death and Life by Don Piper and Cecil Murphey

I read this book a few years ago, and it has still been impactful on me years later. If this is something you're interested in, there is a life after this one. Read about a man who saw it.

Entry No. 32: I See Now, Crystal Clear

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 17:55:00 GMT

“In a crystal we have clear evidence of the existence of a formative life principle, and though we cannot understand the life of a crystal, it is nonetheless a living being.” - Nikola Tesla

I have been feeling in a darker mood recently due to a lot of uncertainty in my life, and my content has reflected such. It would be hard for it not to as I speak to you each week with the words that have been laying heavy on my heart .
Today I feel like changing it up and talking about something that brings me joy, crystals .
Before we go down today's chat, take your judgments and leave them at the door.
If you don't think you are able to leave ‘em at the door, please feel free to walk right out of it .
I am a firm believer that anyone can believe whatever they choose to believe in, that is their right as a human on this planet. That is as long as that belief isn't hurting anyone, no serial killer endorsements here.
Being a Christian there are lots of people who think that crystals are not permitted for use. I am going to dive into my personal beliefs on that right now. If you disagree that's awesome, it means we are humans with free will and how great is a God that can create us so differently. I hope you have an open mind to the topic, as the universe has far more colors than black and white.
The Bible mentions many things that are taken by individuals and perverted from the sense that it was originally written in. Like that women should be silent in church, but that's an additional topic for an additional week. People associate crystals with the occult and that could not be farther from the truth. Crystals are created by our planet which was created by our Creator .
God does not make mistakes.
Turning to anything to solve problems that only God can solve is not right, we don't worship false idols. However, utilizing a tool created by your Heavenly Father is different . I think it boils down to intention , what was your reasoning and what was on your heart when you did the action. We can not control how everyone else intends to use an item.
I can use a stapler to attach photos of puppies, babies, and kittens together or I could use it to beat someone to death. That is 100% on me. It is not Charles Henry Gould’s (inventor of the stapler in case you were wondering) fault that I misused his product. He created an item that solved a problem and I misused it.
I take the same approach with crystals. God created the planet, God created crystals, and they are a tool just like any of the others God has given me to connect with Him .
Now that's out of the way there is still one more thing to address, energy . If you believe in religion or crystals or vibes or not does not change the fact that every single thing on this planet has energy.
That is a non disputed fact of our universe just like the fact that The Office is the best television show ever.
What? You weren’t there when we took that global vote?
I studied Forensic Chemistry in college and as a result I attended a lot of physics classes. I am not that good at physics and I never really liked it.
I once answered a question about the velocity of a vase falling after being hit with “Who cares, the vase is still broken.” and received a 1/10th of a point for giving my professor a chuckle . Doesn’t change the fact that I remember the conversations that were had on matter and energy.
Kirkland Brand Professor Morgan speaking to educate you on matter:
Matter is anything that takes up space on Earth and has mass . Matter is made up of atoms which are smaller bits of matter. Atoms are made of even smaller bits of matter: protons , neutrons , and electrons . Electrons don’t get any smaller but protons and neutrons do and they can even break down into quarks . These particles are all moving constantly at different frequencies and speed as determined by the type of matter they make up. Think water!
Therefore by the power vested in me, by the classes I took in college and Google: crystals have energy.
I have always been attracted to them as they are obviously visually stunning, and so has my husband. When we looked at the things his parents saved for him from his childhood there were tons of geodes and crystals that he collected as a boy scout. They are now proudly on display in our home along with some geodes we have bought together over the years.
I also was interested in crystals as a kid but the interest grew in my 20s. I remember being at a TJMaxx buying things and seeing a pair of rose quartz earrings that I thought were beautiful. On the box it said that it helps attract love, not just any love, unconditional love. I remember thinking " Sure Jan, let's see what you got ." The week I bought them I met my husband. I wore them every day until for our first Christmas when my husband replaced them with diamonds.
I still have them in my jewelry box and I don't know if I would ever be able to part with them.
In the summer of 2022 I started really getting into crystals (more than just a pair of earrings) and I felt the need to begin growing my collection. I really liked being able to pick out which ones were calling to me. My husband and I would go pick out some cool crystals and I was always so excited to share those experiences with him. But I never used them. Being a type A, organized, always prepared person I wanted to ensure I knew everything about them prior to using them. I didn’t want to use them wrong , so I just didn't use them at all . I was too busy planning how I would use them, creating a storage system, and learning all about them.
I got so caught up in the logistics of how I was taking away from the magic of why.
I have recently started using my collection and it has brought me a lot of joy to use the things that make me happy and to not be so in my head about getting it right . I found some cool local shops and met some really interesting people. I have learned that there are people in my life who are interested in this as well and it has been cool to bond with them. No one I have met who was interested in this hobby has ever been rude to me. It seems like a community of people who trust in the magic of something much bigger than them and I can get behind that 100%.
If you are interested in crystals or anything else, try it.
Life is too short to have something beautiful tucked away waiting for the perfect circumstance.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
Crystals: The Modern Guide to Crystal Healing by Yulia Van Doren . Not only does this book have some beautiful images that make it a great coffee table book, but it is full of detailed information explained in such a clear way.

Entry No. 31: Hurry Up and Wait

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Patience is a key element of success.” - Bill Gates

I am 1000% guilty of living in my head and in the future as opposed to in the moment.
I feel like a lot of my fellow Type A, recovering people pleaser, organized planners, and “What if-ers” are as well.
Have you ever not been able to sleep and sit up thinking about how you would handle conversations and situations that haven't ever happened and probably would never happen?
If you haven't , wow what is that like?
If you have , do you want to be friends ?
I attribute this to an obsessive need to be prepared for anything that life throws my way. I wasn't always this way. I would say that certain situations in my life molded me into being a person who needed to be prepared for every “what if?” scenario because I experienced things I c ould have never prepared for .
See that “could have never”, that's the most important part.
I know I could not have and will not be able to predict everything that life throws my way.
Unless I had a time machine, which I am actively trying to build in my spare time but I am short 1.21 Gigawatts.
Yet knowing this doesn’t hinder my brain's ability to obsess about what is to come .
I want to know how my husband and I are going to handle it if our middle schooler has detention. I want to know where we will be living in 10 years. I want to know if my dreams happen. I want to know if I am proud of myself. I want to know when things are going to happen.
I want to have the plan in place so it's not a “first heard” if/when we get there.
I understand that example is not reasonable so I try to take actions or have conversations about things that are actively upcoming like the wedding or his return home. Future facing things but not 15+ years future facing.
I like to be in control and I like to be prepared. Now if you couple this with the dreamer in me that has lots of big visions, goals, dreams, ideas, etc. it becomes quite complicated .

I want to get to where I know my business can be. I have so many ideas for expansions, projects, collaboration, merchandise, and over all ways that I can help people. So I dream, plan, manifest, pray, and make vision boards.
I want to get to motherhood and meet who my kids will be. I have thought about them for my whole life and I want to see them, play with them, teach them and love them. So I dream, plan, manifest, pray, and make vision boards.
I want to see where my marriage will be and who my husband and I will be as we grow with each other. I have imagined the retirement phase of life with my person and the relaxation and joy that comes with that period of life. So I dream, plan, manifest, pray, and make vision boards.

There are two problems with this:

No matter how much I want to “get there” I just can’t. All of these things take time and no matter how much I sit and dream, plan, manifest, pray, and make vision boards it's not happening any quicker.
Rushing my life means that I will miss so many of the small moments that looking back I wish I would have paid more attention to, while they weren't a memory.

I had a conversation with my therapist about this the other week. I was talking about how the past year of my life I have placed conditions on how I am feeling. Granted, this past year has been one of the most stressful of my life, but that doesn't give me an excuse .

When my car broke down I said “ when the car situation is fixed it will get less stressful.”
When I got promoted I said “ when I am settled into the new job things will get less stressful.”
When we were planning our courthouse wedding in secret I said “ when the courthouse happens things will get less stressful.”
When Scott was preparing to deploy I said “ when he's there and we are counting down the days until he is home then things will get less stressful.”
While we wait for him to get home I say “ when Scott is home things will get less stressful.”
While we plan a wedding I say “ when the wedding is over and we are on our honeymoon things will get less stressful.”

So I asked her: “When do things actually get less stressful, or is being perpetually stressed part of adulthood?”
I mean… that's a pretty heavy but relevant question.
The thing that she said is something I already knew. I have literally written blog posts about it ( Entry No. 7: Are We There Yet? ” I am unhappy and anxious because I keep placing my happiness as a when .
If I continue to do that my list would grow to when I got pregnant, when I gave birth, when I had kids, when I had another kid, when they walked, when they talked, when they went to school, when the graduated, when I retired, when they got married, when they had kids, when when when when WHEN .
*doomsday spiral activated*
See what I am learning is that there is always another when. There is always a reason to prolong happiness because we think that where we are isn’t ideal, good enough, or the final destination.
See the thing is tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
One hour from now isn't guaranteed.
One minute from now isn't guaranteed.
Life is precious .
Although it is the longest thing that we do, life is short .
We are doing ourselves no favors by wasting away in the now in preparation for a future that may never come.
So I am practicing (and sometimes failing) at patience. At slowing down and only taking on the direct action items that I have (which don’t get me wrong is still quite a lot) and at appreciating the moment before it has passed.
As one of the characters on my favorite and the best TV show of all time said:
“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.” - Andy Bernard (NardDog)
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
A loved book on the path to becoming a better, more enlightened person who lives for the moment and doesn't take one second of life for granted.

Entry No. 30: We Have Reached Cruising Altitude

Fri, 02 Jun 2023 12:59:00 GMT

“Choice implies consciousness - a high degree of consciousness. Without it, you have no choice.” ― Eckhart Tolle

This post is two days late.

I have no real reason why besides a two year old temper tantrum of “I don't wanna!”

This past week has been the longest year of my life.

I have discovered that if this season of my life were a recipe, it would consist of:

6 cups of autopilot
1 cup of “I don't want to.”
¾ cup of procrastination
1 tablespoon of dissociation
1 pinch of “Is it over yet?”.

I sat there in my feelings, and on the surface level examination was like “I don’t know why I am feeling this way.” Then I dug deeper. Of course, I know why I am feeling this way. Maybe just maybe it is because:

My husband has been deployed since September, and I am in charge of maintaining our house, our animals, our lives, our families, our social obligations, and our relationships, and I am doing it alone. Not that he doesn't help when he can, but how is he going to be at the Christmas dinner
Also, you're not really sure when he will come home yet, but that doesn't stop you from getting that question 10 times a day from everyone you come into contact with. Which just reminds you that you are not in control, don't know when you will see your husband, can't plan your life, and the onslaught of people who want to see him is coming. *breathe*
I am planning a wedding with someone on a continent and a time zone apart, which means we have to schedule time to discuss things, and he can't be there for special days like food tastings.
I have a career where I am the main point of contact for a huge company-wide project, which I have been redesigning since August and is now coming to a head. I also commute an hour each way to work, and sometimes, with traffic, it takes me two hours to get home, like yesterday.
I run a home organizing service as well as a blog, a website, five Instagram accounts, two Facebook pages, a TikTok account, three email addresses, and a partridge in a pear tree. I do all of this in support of my dreams, but that does not make it easier.
And about 155684069646 other things, I won't go into detail on because it would give you the same headache I have had since September 14th, 2022.

You’re feeling overwhelmed, Morgan.

That overwhelm manifests in me, as it does in so many others, as shutting down. I literally go inside my mind. My body is there, but my mind is everywhere but. I am so deep into my mind that it took me having that “AHA” moment to realize:

Holy sh*t, you are on autopilot.

That's a sad realization. Life is passing you by because you are so focused on making it to the finish line that you aren't actually living it. These past ten months have been insanely difficult, and although people will say they “realize that”, I truly don't think that they do.

I have been told by so many people, “This is what you signed up for.” I don't know if that is someone's attempt at “making my situation better,” which you can’t, trying to silence how I feel, being unsure of what to say, or any combination of other factors.

No one is more aware of what I signed up for than me. Hi, yes, it's quite literally not about you, friend.
Saying that you signed up for something doesn't make it easier. I’m sure a marathon is quite hard, even if you are the one who hands in the application. Wouldn’t you say?
When I tell you I am overwhelmed, stressed, or just upset, it does not negate the fact that I love my husband, I am grateful for my life (stresses included), and that I wouldn't do it again in a heartbeat. I would, and I will have to.

So through these interactions and so many others (not just during this time in my life but throughout it) I have been taught to shut down, to not talk about how I am feeling, and to put my nose down and “get to work” essentially.

Hence: Auto-f*cking-pilot

So welcome to the blog p

Because let's be honest, I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

Who would?

I started by telling people. Not everyone, but my husband and therapist, and my core people. Why, you might ask? When Noah built the Ark, he couldn’t let everyone on, or it would sink. Our mind is the same way. We don’t need everyone and their mothers' opinions on our lives and what we should be doing, how we should be doing it, and why we should stop swearing so much.

The weight of all those opinions causes your boat to sink.

I started recognizing when the behavior was happening. Why is it that I have the urge to crawl into bed as soon as I get home from work? I know that folding that load of laundry that's been in my dryer for almost a week now would make me feel better than doom-scrolling the internet, and yet. Addressing that “I want to eat my weight in ice cream and chicken nuggets on the couch while watching people fall in love in pods” feeling has helped me greatly.

Instead of avoiding the little things that seem so big, I have been doing them.

I started to give myself grace. I am going through a lot, and I have handled it like a champ. There is not one person who could tell you I am not. So instead of trying to continue with being perfect at life, I am giving myself grace to feel how I feel and to say no to certain obligations.

If the blog post goes live on Friday instead of Wednesday, who cares? You are your own boss in this girl.

I hope that this post, although written for me, is able to help you.

To my husband, thank you for your sacrifices for our family and for our country. Thank you for being worth the wait, for showing up in all the ways you can, and for loving me through the hard times. I will carry whatever weight you need me to for as long as you need, and I will do it with pride.
To the people who have been with me every step of the way without faltering, thank you. There are days that I don't know if I could have done it without your support.

To the people who said they would be there for me and never were, thank you. I am grateful you showed yourself the door out of my life so I didn't have to. It's not like I needed one more thing on my plate.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Reflectly: A Journal of Happiness

This is an app that asks you a question a day and allows you to reflect on your mood and the day's events. I know that future me will be grateful to be able to look back on the writings of past me.

Entry No. 29: And How Does That Make You Feel

Wed, 24 May 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.”

- Augusten Burroughs

Something I always talk about and will always continue to talk about is the need for everyone on this planet to be in therapy. There is not one single person that couldn't benefit from talking to someone about what they have been through or what they are going through.
Yeah I see you.
Yes I mean you too.
I had such a stigma around therapy for years and it wasn't until I found myself unable to sort through the things in my head that I realized I needed help.
Not being able to do it on your own all the time is a part of life .
That is why we have relationships, communities, and friendships to lean on when times are tough.
Yet when it comes to therapy there is almost the idea that this makes you broken.
People are told:

It's not that bad
You're overreacting
Have you tried not thinking that way?
I don't think it's healthy to take medication every day to feel normal.
You just need to change the framework of your brain then you will feel better.
You at least have to try to get better.
Well lying in bed doesn't help you.
Just remember lots of people have it worse.

Could you imagine ever saying that to someone with cancer ?

Have you tried not having cancer?
Get outside and you will feel better!
Are you even trying to beat cancer?

Yeah you wouldn't, right? Because that would be F*CKING ABSURD .
Our mental health has a huge impact on our physical health. It is almost like our brain is a part of our physical body.
Weird .
Mental health issues have been proven to be attributing factors in chronic illnesses such as diabetes, asthma, cancer, cardiovascular disease, arthritis, heart and respiratory diseases.
Yet we treat mental health like it's something to be ashamed of when people seek help to heal themselves .
If I had a broken foot and said “I am going to the doctor I think my foot is broken.” You wouldn't tell me “Is that really necessary I mean why can't you just fix that on your own?”
We see professionals for help all of the time in our life. That is the reason that about 99% of jobs exist, because not everyone is qualified in everything and everyone has different skills.
Unless you are just perfect and are a lawyer, doctor, cop, plumber, electrician, teacher, carpenter, and jazzercise instructor all in one.
In which case you a ren't real and neither is your brain you AI generated being .
Therapy is covered under most insurances and is completely accessible from our phones. This is one of the blessings that came from COVID. I get to sit on my couch and attend my sessions with my animals in my lap while in my pjs. I mean when you offer it to me like that, there really is no excuse.
Therapists are professionals trained in helping you deal with the things that at times can seem super overwhelming.
While there are 7.8 billion individual perspectives on this planet (and counting) the basic core of our issues can be the same.
We all want to be loved, respected, valued, heard, and important .
Most issues, fights, and situations can be traced back to a common feeling between humans. While we are all unique we are more alike than we realize.
Attending therapy is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and the people in your life.
Situations can always benefit from an outside non biased perspective. Having a dedicated time where you can offload the things that are on your heart and mind to someone who genuinely cares and will not hurt you is pretty incredible.
While the sessions might require some tough work to get to the root of the problem, the relief when it is addressed is life changing .
Cheers to taking care of your body and mind because we only have one.
Love you more,
Morgan
P.S. To my therapist, thank you for the endless empathy, for laughing at my jokes, and for standing by me for the past six years. I couldn't have done it with out you
Check this out Corner:
BetterHelp : Online Therapy.
Check out the option to get help from the couch in your pjs, there are also tons of discount codes to save you money. Wine pairs well with therapy.

Entry No. 28: Alpha and Omega

Wed, 17 May 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them.”

—Elisabeth Elliot.

I am hesitant to write this post as I want my blog to serve as a welcoming place for people of every type, race, culture, belief system, geographical location, and Hogwarts House .
That being said the message is meant to be shared with everyone and whether this is something that you can relate to or believe in yourself hopefully there is something that you can walk away from this post with that you did not have before.
I am a Christian .
I believe in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ .
I believe h is Father, our Father, to be God, the creator of all .
If you want to get technical, I am a United Methodist, but Christian works just as well for me .
The thing about being Christian means like all other labels, we come with preconceived notions.
That is what I want to unpack today.
Along the way I feel like the faith I love so much has become perverted into almost a class system. A hierarchy of belief systems. This happens within various denominations of the same faith and across completely different religious groups.
Some types of Christianity view themselves as better than others or better than non believers of Christ.
If that's you, you’re entirely wrong and missing the point.
Churches aren't filled with perfect people. Perfection doesn't exist on this earth.
Churches are meant to be filled with the broken who are looking for something greater than themselves.
Jesus spoke to prostitutes, lepers, murderers, thieves, radicals, the sick, the broken, the outcasts, and the despised.
How can you worship a God who loves all especially the outcasts, and believe that means you don't have to?
How can you worship a homeless man on Sunday but avoid the homeless around you Monday through Saturday?
How do you look at people who are different from you with hatred in your heart because of who God made them to be?
We have the stereotype of being judgmental.
They aren't wrong .
But they should be.
We should be the least judgmental people on this planet. We should know that it is not our place. It is not our role to be judge, jury, or executioner. It is our job to share the word of God, to build the church, to encourage each other, to lift up each other, and to pray for each other.
How can we expect people to want to follow the Lord if the example that we are setting for them directly contradicts the message that we were told to share?
There is not one correct way to worship God. It is a relationship with Christ. Some of my friendships we bond over loving animals. Some we bond over a good bottle of wine. Some we bond over walks in a park. Each relationship I have looks different.
Each relationship someone has with their Creator will look different.
If you feel God the most in a church, then that is right.
If you feel God the most outside, then that is right.
If you pray while you are on long road trips, then that is right.
If you pray before you go to sleep, then that is right.
There is not one correct way to have a relationship. We do not all require quiet time each morning because how does that account for night owls, and vise versa for early birds.
My challenge to my fellow believers out there is this, look inward. What would Jesus do? Are you living your life for you or for Him? Are you treating others as He calls you to? Are you focusing your eyes and heart on the right thing? Are you being a welcoming voice for all? Are you excluding?
Do you believe yourself to be better?
The enemy can be loud, seem right, and be convincing.
Who’s voice are you listening to?
To my fellow Christians out there, we can be better, we can do better, and we can share better.
Highlighting our differences isn’t the way to show people the body of Christ.
A body works as one, so why are we fighting amongst ourselves?
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner :
Whoa That’s Good - a podcast by Sadie Robertson Huff.
A solid listen with a combination of motivational/self help rooted in the gospel. I often find myself listening and needing to share episodes with those in my life because, Whoa That's Good.

Entry No. 27: I Won.

Fri, 12 May 2023 11:10:00 GMT

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”

― Jeanne McElvaney

Today’s topic comes with a trigger warning. This blog post will surround the topic of domestic violence. If this is something that you can not read about, I completely understand, and I will see you next week.

According to the NCADV:

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out for help. There are incredible resources out there, and even if you only tell one person, it can truly be the difference between life and death.

You are not alone.

Today is known in my family affectionately as ‘My Birthday.” Although it is not the day I was born, it is the day that I got a second chance in life.
Today is the 6th year anniversary of my leaving my abuser by police escort.
Six years since I came home to my family with nothing, completely broken, and absolutely terrified. Six years ago, I sat on my childhood bed and told my parents everything I had been hiding from them for the past nine months. My dad looked at me and said, “You do not realize it now, but this is going to be one of the best days of your life. It will be like your birthday.”

He was right.

I share pieces of my story every year on this day in the hopes that I can be a light for someone else and to show people out there that it does get better.
I am a survivor of domestic violence, I have a voice, and I am not a victim.
When I was younger, I remember saying, “The second that someone lays a hand on me, I'm done.” I was the kind of person who was under the impression that it could never happen to me.

The thing about abuse is you don't often realize it's happening to you until you are out of it.

He didn't walk up and punch me in the face to begin with. He was kind, charismatic, thoughtful, romantic, funny, and sweet. Have you ever heard the phrase You catch more flies with honey than vinegar? It's true.

Sociopaths/Psychopaths are charismatic; they lure you in.

It's like any true crime documentary; nobody sees it coming. They blend in in plain sight.

I often tell people when I talk about my experiences, if you met him, you would love him. It's true to this day.

It isn’t like terrible people come with warning labels.

It started out slow and small. Little scratches, little shoves, slightly more aggressive grabbing of my arms to redirect me. Little moments where I would come up with little excuses. He didn't mean it. He didn't realize. He's upset; it's not like he knew what he was doing.

It then escalated to the point where there wasn't denying it to myself, but the mental manipulation makes you feel like you have earned it. He only did that because I talked back. I mean, he's right, I shouldn't have my cousin's number in my phone, he's a man. He's only doing it because he loves me.
He was gifted at hurting things. He would hurt me, he would hurt others, and he would hurt animals. As he got better at hurting, I got better at hiding.

If you knew me during that time, you probably had no idea what I was going through. Those experiencing domestic violence are gifted at hiding it. We are trained to protect our abusers. We are trained that nobody will believe us. We are trained that it will get worse if we tell. We are trained that they will find out we told someone.

On May 12th, 2017, he locked me in his basement. This wasn't new; this wasn't the first time. He was mad because he stole my dad's truck to drive without a license while I was asleep, and when I woke up, I asked him where he was. He pushed me into the basement and locked me in there for hours for asking a question. I was screaming. I was angry.

I was done.

My screaming went on for so long that he let me out of the basement and told me he had called the police on me. He told them I was the aggressor, so he wouldn't get in trouble because people could hear me. Not only did he call, but his neighbor did as well. I am grateful for her calling me. The police showed up and watched as I packed all of my belongings. I didn’t speak to them or him. I cleaned my things up, I took all of the items I bought for him, and I cried and drove away.

The thing that's the most wild to me about that day is that I vacuumed. While the police waited for me to leave, I vacuumed. I was so scared about leaving the house a mess and what he would do if I did, that I vacuumed.
I vacuumed.

At first, I didn't want to share my story. I was embarrassed. I was worried about what people would think about me. Who would believe me? Would they laugh at me?

I was 19. I was an honor roll student. I was elected a leader in two volunteer organizations. I was a cheerleader. I was a forensic chemistry student. I was in honor societies. I was in accelerated classes. I was working to support myself, him, and his child. I was smart. I was successful. I was brave.
I was everything he sought to ruin.

After him, I was broke. I was a college dropout. I lost all my activities. I had no job. I was lost. If I tell people, they can see how he won, what he took from me, how he beat me.

Months later, I realized he won because I continued to protect him. His actions reflect only on one person: him.

My name is Morgan Conner, and I am a survivor of domestic violence. My abuser's name is Brandon. I am not his first, and I haven't been his last. He hurts women, children, and animals.

He is small .

He is weak.

He is pathetic .

He lost.

I feel sorry for him.

People ask me all the time, "How do you do it?" I do it because I don't give myself a choice. I do it for the 19-year-old me who fought kicking and screaming to survive.

I don't just survive anymore, I live.

Since I have fought for myself:

I bought my first car at 19 and my second at 25.
I bought my first house at 22, and now it serves as a rental property.
I got my college degree.
I started my career.
I started multiple businesses.
I share my story, and I inspire people.
I married the man of my dreams. He doesn’t hit me, he respects me, and he helped to heal what he didn’t break.
I healed.

The thing is, he lost when he picked me.

He thought he could bury me, but he didn't realize I am a seed.

Guess who hits harder now, Brandon?

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
You are not alone. You will survive. You matter.

Entry No. 26: I Saw That!

Wed, 03 May 2023 14:18:00 GMT

“I think it's so flattering that people would even give me enough attention to know about my private life.” - Janhvi Kapoor

Since the creation of this blog, I have had people make comments to me about things that I have written about, naturally. Of course, I knew this would happen when I opened myself up on the internet; everyone has got an opinion, right?

Compliments are taken to heart, and the negative comments are considered but not dwelt on.

Today's topic is inspired by the comments made by a few individuals, the “I read about this on your blog and passively aggressively make comments about it because I know something about you” comments.

What you read on this blog is stuff I have chosen to share.
If I cared about you reading it, knowing it, or seeing it, I wouldn't post it on the World Wide Web.

Today’s topic is privacy vs. secrecy, what you should keep to yourself, what you shouldn't, and how to handle the nosey-nellies.

Social media has given people the freedom to share whatever they want whenever they want to.

That being said, there are some things that just do not need to be shared.
I know some people who can not walk down the street, use the bathroom, or have a conversation without the compulsive need to share it. I know some people who can not do any task without taking a selfie. I know some people who rarely post on social media. I know some people who have been in relationships for years, yet their profile still says single. I know some people without an internet presence. I know some people who have posted that they had a baby, and no one even knew they were pregnant.

But privacy goes beyond social media.

I know some people who have gotten married and told no one. I know some people who have had kids and told no one. I know some people where I know every single fight and the wording that was said in that fight with their partner. I know some people who have told me their medical history on the day we met.

Sharing is a wide spectrum to which there isn't really a right or wrong answer.

I think there is a huge difference between keeping your personal life private vs. a secret. Secrets are the intentional withholding of information, think surprise party. In contrast, privacy is just about being selective about what you choose to share with whom.

I am married, very happily. This is not a secret. This shouldn't be a secret. This is something that people should know because I respect my partner, and our love isn't something that needs to be hidden from anyone. Arguments between my husband and me, conversations, special moments, and favorite memories, those would be considered private.

It's not that I wouldn't tell anyone, it's just that I might not want to share it with everyone.

Whether that is because it is between us, or that people just genuinely don't care, or I don't feel comfortable sharing, that's all ok. The person checking me out at the grocery store doesn't want to know about how my husband says no more animals, but my best friend does and is waiting to go pick them up with me.

Keeping your relationship a secret is not only wrong but disrespectful (again, in my opinion). I think people should know when they are seeing someone. It's a level of respect for your partner. “Hey, I am with them” does not give them your blood type; it just lets people know you are unavailable and not entertaining other options. Should you choose to share more personal information with someone, you absolutely can, but I don’t think the relationships we have and the children that come from them should be secret.

You’re not Bond, James Bond.

That being said, knowing something personal about somebody does not mean that you know them. Humans have more than one layer to them.
As the great Shrek once said, " Ogres have layers, Onions have layers.”

Humans are like Ogres and Onions, layered.

You knowing that I want to be a stay-at-home mom does not equal some privileged access to who I am as a person. You knowing I am happily married doesn’t mean that we're besties.

That being said, there are those types of people who want to pry into your private life and get more information, either because they are nosey, want to exploit it, or just don't realize they are overstepping.

I think a lot of this goes back to intention.

My husband and I got married at the courthouse prior to his deployment and are doing the big wedding thing when he comes home. When I got my dress for our big ceremony, I took my mother and my mother-in-law. Those are the only two people who have seen my dress, and until my wedding day, those will be the only two people who see my dress.

I have had countless people ask me to see a picture, or to describe it, or ask where I got it from.

I have told each and every person no.

I don't get mad when people ask me, that's a completely normal question, and I know people are just excited and want to relate to me when it comes to the wedding. Sometimes it's hard to say no and uphold that boundary. When it is hard, I remind myself why I am choosing not to share that information. I want to surprise my people on my day. The sharing of that information means that it will inevitably spread and potentially ruin that surprise. My why is stronger than the guilt I feel in that moment (which shouldn't be there anyway, but that is another topic for another day).

When someone is trying to learn about something that you have decided to keep private, remember your why and uphold your boundaries.

As Dr. Suess once said “Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.”

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Pinch Me Therapy Dough - not only is it fun and relaxing to play with, but it can serve as a five-second pause before sharing something that you maybe shouldn't.

Entry No. 25: You, Me, and a Boundary Between

Wed, 26 Apr 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will get.” – Unknown

We have discussed boundaries in friendships and family relationships in Entry No. 23 and boundaries in the workplace in Entry No. 22. Today in Entry No. 25 it is time to discuss boundaries in romantic relationships.

By now you know the importance of boundaries from reading my previous posts, if you haven’t read them yet please do so now.

Now that we are all caught up, boundaries are crucial in romantic relationships as well.

My husband and I have a fantastic marriage. That does not mean that it is easy, that we don't fight, that we don't annoy each other, that we don't inadvertently hurt each other, or that there isn't room to grow. It means we are devoted to improving ourselves as individuals and our relationships as a whole. We do not fight dirty and say things designed to hurt each other. We have clearly designed and frequently discussed boundaries for our relationship. These serve as the guidelines that teach us how to love others in the way that benefits them the most. My husband and I know and apply love languages, we attend therapy together as needed, we listen, and we have hard conversations.

I have been in therapy weekly for almost six years due to the lasting effects of an abusive relationship. When my husband and I can't see eye to eye we will ask my therapist if it is okay to have a group session for that week. His occasional joining in has proven to be helpful to us to each say how we feel and to have my therapist translate it into a way that makes sense for both of us.

I remember one point in time I was talking to a friend that was having issues in their romantic relationship and suggested therapy (as I do to everyone). Their response was “You and Scott are therapy people, we aren't.”

There are a few things that I want to address about that statement:

All people are therapy people, there is not one person on this planet that couldn't benefit from working on themselves from an outsider's perspective
Going to therapy is not something to be ashamed of or means something is broken. Therapy is a preventative measure. We go to therapy so the little things do not become the big ones.

My husband and I aren’t “therapy people”, we are “healthy marriage people”.
There are things that we have established that do not fly in our relationship, our boundaries. Our boundaries serve as ground rules so that each partner knows how to best love the other and what behaviors are expected and are not permitted.

For example:

If one of us feels uncomfortable with a relationship the other has, we respect that. There is not one person on my phone that I wouldn't stop talking to if it made my husband uncomfortable.
We do not tolerate any physical intimacy with other people. Hugging someone of the opposite sex isn't cheating, but intimate touches (as defined by us) are.
Friendships with people of the opposite sex are okay and hanging out with people of the opposite sex alone is ok. The setting and the time of day are the debate. Grabbing lunch with a friend is different than a sleepover at the house.
We tell the other person when we get hit on. Knowing the conversations that occur removes the ability for us to be blindsided should the other involved party choose to share.
We communicate expected plans but don't ask for permission. “Hey, is it okay if I grab lunch with so-and-so?” isn’t “Do I have your permission?” It is :

Does this align with your schedule
Do we have existing plans
Can you take care of the animals

Each relationship is different, so each relationship's boundaries should look different too. What works for me and my husband might not work for you and yours. In some relationships having intimate touches with people of the opposite sex is okay as long as you tell your partner about it prior. Some relationships are completely open. Some wouldn’t be okay with you hanging out with a member of the opposite sex under any circumstance. Regardless of the relationship boundaries are crucial in ensuring its strength.

Take the time at the beginning of your relationship to establish healthy boundaries and I promise down the line you will thank me and yourselves for doing so.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

The Five Apology Languages by Garry Chapman (founder of The Five Love Languages)

You are going to mess up in relationships, that's given. Apologizing to your partner in the way that they need to hear it takes effort. Your relationship is worth the effort.

Entry No. 24: I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror

Wed, 19 Apr 2023 16:00:00 GMT

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."–Aristotle.

One of the best things that we can do for ourselves is to practice self-love.

How can you love someone you don’t know? The answer is: you can’t.

Loving and learning who we are as people is crucial. Knowing what you like or don't like, why you react certain ways in specific situations, how you think and why you think that way, how your experiences contribute to your life and viewpoints, etc., etc.indefinitely.

There are many ways to get to know yourself. Today, we are going to focus more on the light-hearted quizzes and self-awareness exams as opposed to deep soul-searching meditation. While both are important and helpful, I think these methods are great tools for opening the door to self-discovery.
There are an infinite number of quizzes you can take on the internet. Some will tell you what type of potato you are (I am looking at you BuzzFeed), and some can be used in finding out what makes you, you.

I will go over a little about what each test is, how accurate I think it is, my results, and my favorite resources for you to take the test. We are starting with my top three favorites in order.

Meyers Briggs
Zodiac
Enneagram

Starting with my favorite in terms of accuracy and overall ability to make you self-reflect, The Meyers-Briggs test.

I was introduced to this test by my college forensics teacher who wanted us to take it and utilize our findings to assist us in group work. The test is based on the theory by C. G Jung which states “much seemingly random variation in the behavior is quite orderly and consistent, being due to basic differences in the ways individuals prefer to use their perception and judgment.” 16 Different personality types can be received.

The test takes under 10 minutes to complete and has a sliding scale from agree to disagree. The results will be a combination of four letters with an additional letter following the dash. Traits will look like below:

Extroverted (E) - Introverted (I)Intuitive (N) or Observant (S)Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)Judging (J) or Prospecting (P)-Turbulent (T) or Assertive (A)
My favorite site for the test is 16 Personalities (get it cause there are 16 different personalities...) as I feel that the avatars/coloring helps to highlight the personalities and their differences, it's completely free to get your results, and their explanations are the best. Growing up I was always an INTJ but after some life events, my type changed to INFJ-T, moving from thinking to feeling.

My Second choice of tool for getting to know yourself is the Zodiac.

Now I know some of you are going to be thinking that I am crazy or you don't believe in this but hear me out. I am not saying that your horoscope is facts and you should make life choices based on it. I am not saying that you are predisposed to not get along with a whole category of people because of when they were born.

I am saying that everything on this planet is proven to be energy.

The energy changes as it goes from day to night. The energy changes between seasons. We as humans are super responsive to energy.
It is not out of the realm of possibility that people born around the same time of year who grow up hitting the same milestones through the same seasons would be affected by that energy and potentially think and react similarly to situations.

Your sign is based on the date of your birth with there being 12 signs in total. Those into astrology take it up a notch and know their “Big Three” which refers to the Sun, Rising, and Moon signs. This is found by the date, time, and location of your birth. The Big Three are believed to be the most impactful to who you are as a person.

The Birth Chart on Astrology.com is my favorite free resource to find out your zodiac information. It goes above and beyond giving you the position of all the planets at the time of your birth. My big three are Sun: Capricorn , Rising: Virgo , and Moon:Aquarius.

Last but certainly not least is the Enneagram. I first heard about the enneagram through the 'Woah That’s Good’ podcast which is hosted by Sadie Robertson-Huff. I then *naturally* had to learn everything about the topic and read “The Enneagram & You” by Gina Gomez. This test is similar to the Meyers Briggs test in the questions you will be asked. However, the scoring is completely different. Instead of a combination of letters, you are scored with a number 1-9. That number is your type.

The test helps you to understand your inner psyche by placing you in a group based on what you define to be your one core belief based on your answers. That core belief is how the Enneagram believes you interpret the world.

Personality Path is my favorite free resource for the Enneagram test. I am a type 2 wing 8 and once you complete the test yourself, you will realize how spot-on that is.

Learning who you are and what makes you tick is the foundation for healthy relationships, goals, and overall more fulfilling life.

We all see the world through the lenses of our experiences.

There is no time like the present to see what color your lenses are.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

16 Personalities Birth Chart Personality Path : Learn about yourself, you are someone worth getting to know.

Entry No. 23: Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200

Wed, 12 Apr 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach them where the door is.” —Mark Groves

As a recovering people pleaser, boundaries are something that I have learned later in life.
After discovering how important boundaries are and how they actually strengthen your relationships, I wish I would have started to apply them to my life earlier on. The hard part about establishing boundaries is the fear of push back .
I am here to tell you the only people who benefit from you not having boundaries are toxic people who have something to gain from exploiting you. If those people give you push back, who cares?
Today we are talking about boundaries, what they are, when and how to set them, and how to handle those that try to cross them intentionally .
While this blog post can apply to romantic relationships, I plan on writing a separate post on that topic as it gets a tad more complicated.
Boundaries are a guide for the people in your life to learn how to love you best .
An example being: physical touch. I am not a fan of physical touch, for the most part I down right hate it . I always attributed this to being a survivor of domestic violence, but when talking to my dad he said that I have been this way since I was a little girl.
People who meet someone for the first time throw their arms up and say “I am a hugger” are my nemesis .
In an effort to have a strong relationship with me, keeping physical touch to a minimum is crucial. I have articulated this to the people in my life and they (for the most part) respect it. I try to be understanding of the need for physical touch in certain relationships and situations, in those cases, I initiate it. For perspective, I have known my sister in law for five years and hugged her under ten times.
It is just not my thing and that is more than ok.
Another example being: access to our time. My husband and I are very busy people. That being said we are very responsive people, if you text us, within a day you will have a response unless we are busy. In those times, we try to let the people in our life know, “hey were not ignoring you we just have a lot going on”. Cell phones have given people the idea that we are all owed an answer immediately and that just isn’t the case . In our house we limit phone use in each other's presence and in certain situations all together (like at the dinner table).
We also do not entertain "drop by" visitors. If you do not text us and ask if we are free beforehand, we will not open the door. Due to my husband's job there are times when he works midnights, swings, doubles, and if he's able 96 hours in a work week (he's crazy and this was one time). Dropping by unannounced removes the potential for us to show up for a visit as our best selves, or in his case, potentially at all. We ask for a text or call prior.
Our time is something that we value, so we ask the people in our lives respect the boundary of letting us share it on our own terms.
Having no boundaries allows for people to treat you the way that they view to be best . It doesn't mean they are doing it maliciously.
We do not have the right to get mad over unspoken expectations.
But people loving you in a way that hurts you, unknowingly , can lead to resentment and distancing yourself from the relationship. Being able to clearly articulate to that person how you are feeling and why is going to make your relationship stronger and healthy.
Identifying the need for boundaries is the first step.
If you:

Say yes when you really want to say no
Leave their presence feeling tired
Feel disrespected
Give more to the relationship
Feel like you can't articulate what you want or need
Feel like self love is selfish

It might be time to establish some boundaries.
Establishing boundaries starts with you.

Get honest and get real with yourself . Why are you feeling this way? What do you need from this person? And why?
Start small. Introducing 35 boundaries to everyone in your life overnight would be insanely overwhelming not just for you but for the people who love you. Start with the big and important things and if more needs arise, create more boundaries.
Be consistent. Don't allow people to cross your boundaries and only sometimes identify the issue. Remind people each time there is a problem and you will be one step closer to the boundary being solidified

I am not saying that setting and maintaining boundaries is easy, it is not . However, being in a relationship that is hurting you and growing resentment in your heart isn’t easy either .
We don't set healthy boundaries because we care what people think, we want them to like us, we have trouble saying no, we don't want to rock the boat, and a whole other litany of excuses that keep us comfortable. What we often fail to realize is that with the establishment of boundaries we can feel more loved and be more loving.
Creating boundaries is hard .
Having no boundaries is hard .
Choose your hard.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner: Brene Brown, one of the greats, on the topic of boundaries.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WpdsRPzKco

Entry No. 22: Per My Last Email

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 16:00:00 GMT

You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it. - Oprah Winfrey

I met with a career counselor (as we all do) in high school and he asked me what I wanted to do for a career, he laughed at me when I said “Be retired.”

I met with my employer when I started my 401k and she asked me at what age I want to retire. I said “As soon as possible ”, and she laughed.

I was not made for the workforce.

Do not get me wrong, I am fantastic at my job, make great money, and am super blessed to have the career I do.

It is just not what I want for my life.

Since I was little when someone would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up I said “A mom.” I fully believe that is my purpose here on earth. I love kids, they are my passion and once we have them I will be a stay-at-home mom. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. That is my goal and although it aligns with traditional gender values it's not something that was forced on me or something that my husband decided for me.It is what I want to do with my life .

I understand that more women in today's society choose to work, but some choose to stay at home. Whatever you choose to do with your little ones is ok and there is no shame in it. Moms need to stop feeling mom guilt for having an opinion on what's best when it comes to their children .

I am not a mother yet, and when I mention I want to be a stay-at-home mom I am already judged for the choices I am going to make for the children I have yet to create.

I have no career path that lights that spark in my brain or heart the way that the idea of being a mom does.

I refuse to spend the majority of my life miserable to afford the luxury of continuing to be miserable.

They say that if you love what you do you never work a day in your life. I think that is one of the most important, over-said but underheard statements.

The average person will spend 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime.

90,000 HOURS.

That is one-third of your life.

One.

Third.

Are you seriously going to spend that much time of your life being miserable and saying “living the dream” to people, let's be honest, you don't like?

Today's topic is careers and why you should be in one that inspires you and makes you happy as well as how to establish boundaries in your existing career.

I have worked at some jobs where the management and the company literally suck the life out of you. I have worked in places where they expect you to work in your personal time for free. I have worked in places where they expect you to prioritize their needs over your or your family's needs. I have worked in places where they promote based on anything besides qualifications.

I have also worked at one place that did all those things in one neat little toxic package.

Hear me loud and clear when I say:

Do not give all of yourself to a place that will replace you faster than your seat can get cold. Prioritizing giving your all to the relationships that will not be so quick to replace you.

Setting healthy boundaries is super important in the workplace and can be done directly and professionally. As much as you would like to tell coworkers exactly what is on your mind it is not the best idea, as tempting as it might be.

To start establishing boundaries in any scenario can be overwhelming but it is necessary to protect your peace and mental well-being. Here are some of my tips below:

Be honest with yourself and your limits. The work starts with you first, what are you physically and emotionally capable of?
Give yourself permission to set the boundary. Not only is what you're doing okay, but it's necessary.
Clearly communicate those boundaries to your team with as little emotion as possible. Direct statements are not confrontational. Emotional ones can cause escalations
Work within your scheduled hours and leave work at work. If something requires additional time to be put in, leave early, or ensure you get overtime. You are not at your job as a volunteer. Your time outside of the office should not be spent thinking inside of it.
Say no. Learn that not only can you say no but there are some situations in which it is crucial to do so.
Define your priorities. What are you looking to get out of this career?
Ask yourself, is this what I want to do with my life? If it is not, what would you rather be doing? Why aren’t you out there doing it?

I do not stay late, I do not take work calls or emails outside of my duty hours, and I have honest conversations with my manager about expectations, capabilities, and job functions. I do not shy from expressing myself to coworkers. I leave the tasks and stressors of my day at my desk.
I have also received three cash rewards for my work in less than one year, been promoted four times in five years, have an entire folder in my email devoted to kudos, and I am respected not just by my coworkers but by my managers and even the managers above them.

Boundaries do not make you a bad employee.

Boundaries are necessary to be a good one.

I understand that not everyone can quit their job to pursue their passion of being an underwater basket weaver. However, there are things that we can be doing that would provide us with more job satisfaction.

Do you really want to spend a third of your existence being miserable?

Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Loewhaley on TikTok is incredible when it comes to handling situations in the workplace. Even if you don't have any coworker drama it's a great laugh mixed with an oooh burn. Toodaloo!

Entry No. 21: Two Halves Equal A Hole

Wed, 29 Mar 2023 16:00:00 GMT

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” Unknown

Codependency as defined by Psychology Today is:
“Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of “the giver,” sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, “the taker.” The bond in question doesn’t have to be romantic; it can occur just as easily between parent and child, friends, and family members.”
Let me just start by saying the notion that people “complete” each other is a dumpster fire of BS . Two half people equal a giant hole where your relationship is supposed to be. Your relationships should not be two broken people who need each other coming together and become one whole person. Your relationship should be two whole people who enjoy and want each other .
Codependency is toxic to any relationship.
While we're on the topic please hear me loud and clear when I say that this applies to more than just romantic relationships, it applies to our families too.
Family members do not get a hall pass to treat you like sh*t because they are your family.
If you have a family member that thinks they don’t have to respect boundaries or have a healthy relationship with you then cut them out of your life .
I have known people for months who have loved me and treated me better than some of my family members have.
The phrase “Blood is thicker than water” is often incorrectly quoted and referenced. The full saying is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
This means the relationships we nurture are more important than family bonds.
Codependent relationships are more common than we think. They consist of a Giver and a Taker. The Giver in the relationship often has perfectionistic tendencies and wants to feel needed by the Taker, which drives up low self-worth . Oftentimes, the Giver is a fixer .
But people aren't projects and you are not responsible nor capable of healing another person .
You can not and should not be the world to someone. This places you as the Giver on an unsustainable pedestal, eventually leading to emotional overwhelm and burnout.
The Taker doesn't have to be a bad person. They could have been brought up in a dysfunctional household or have experienced trauma in previous relationships that have warped their sense of love. Takers are most likely narcissistic and having someone feed into those tendencies allows them to maintain that mental validation. Takers grow to expect more and more from the Giver, ultimately leaving them feeling pretty empty.
Relationships aren't a 50/50 effort.
Sometimes your partner is carrying 80% of the relationship while you contribute 20%. Sometimes you give 90% and they give only 10%. Efforts will change in the season of your life. If your wife just had a baby, it's reasonable to take on more of the household work so she can recover. If your husband is depressed, it's reasonable that you might have to be planning and doing things to make him happier. Situational effort level changes are healthy and completely normal . The catch is that the effort level is temporary , no one should always be carrying the weight of your relationship or your chores.
A sad truth: we tend to hurt the people closest to us the most because we know they won't leave. The more love we have in our relationship the more trust we have which means we feel it to be less necessary to censor ourselves or our words .
If you are in a codependent relationship, you should bring up how you are feeling to your partner as emotionlessly as possible. Emotional conversations can turn volatile pretty quickly. Having a direct conversation with someone you care about can be hard , but if you want to salvage the relationship then you need to be honest with that person.
You can not blame someone for not meeting unspoken expectations.
If your partner is unwilling to change, then you have to love yourself enough to walk away. Let me repeat that for the people in the back. AHEM .
If your partner is unwilling to change, then you have to love yourself enough to walk away.
Codependent relationships are headed nowhere and FAST .
Toxic people do not like when you set boundaries and hold them accountable.
Take stock of all the relationships in your life. If you leave their presence feeling drained, used, or burnt out, maybe it's time to evaluate which relationships we are prioritizing .
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Learning how someone in your life expresses love and how they want to receive it can help rework your relationship from feeling one-sided. There is a free quiz online, and I promise it is worth taking.

Entry No. 20: Are You Gonna Finish That?

Wed, 22 Mar 2023 16:00:00 GMT

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task".

- William James

Something I struggle with as a perfectionist with OCD is a completionist mindset.

I am selfishly covering this topic in the hopes that I can hold myself accountable and improve, but I also wanted to share this with you all in case any of you out there feel the same way.

If you do not know what a completionist mindset is, it's the idea that once you start something, you have to finish it. “But Morgan, that’s not a bad thing,” you might say to me. To which I reply and tell you that sometimes my urge to complete things or to have them perfect, whole, and packaged and wrapped up nice and neat with a bow is actually too strong to the point that I will complete it even if it is detrimental to my health and/or well-being.

I have read SERIES of books that I hated because I read the first one, and I have to complete the set. I have completed EVERY side quest in video games before to the point that I no longer enjoy the game, but I couldn't leave it with incomplete tasks. I have HUNDREDS of HOURS of TV series that I hated, and completed their spin-offs because I have to know how it ends, even if I am no longer invested.

Yes, I am looking at you, Vampire Diaries, Originals, and Legacies.

Team Stefan, but that's besides the point.

I have done hobbies I hated and put myself in situations that I wouldn't have chosen because I can't say no, and I agreed to do them.

I hate leaving things unfinished. I hate not knowing what could have happened, or if it gets better. I hate that it doesn't have that check box next to it saying done.

It could just be fear of the unknown, of missing out, or just tasks left incomplete.

There are times when a completionist mindset is helpful. I always deliver at work. I complete tasks and remember tasks very easily. I can balance lots of different obligations. Those things are great, it's just that sometimes my brain takes it too far.

The “extra gene” (as my husband calls it) takes over in me, and I take things to levels that they don't necessarily need to be at. For years, I have been into self-help help and I have read books on the topic. Not ones that I wanted to read, ones that were recommended to me, or ones that I “should read ”.

I have always loved reading as a kid, but when I forced myself to read books I wasn't interested in, I lost the joy in reading. In 2021, I read 16 books, and I remember thinking Wow, that's so many books.

In 2022, I started to shift my mindset to "what if I just read the books I wanted to read and not the ones that I am supposed to?”

Last year, I read 108 books.

I discovered that my love for perfectly checked boxes was crushing my love for reading.

Do not get me wrong, there are a few books in that 108 that I didn't love and finished anyway, but it was a much smaller quantity than in years past.
I have to make the cognizant choice to “allow ” myself to walk away from things. That might sound simple, but it's really not.

As with the formation of all habits, it starts tedious but then becomes second nature.

If you have completionist tendencies, here are my suggestions:
Before continuing something you don't want to do, literally stop your brain in its tracks. You are about to begin a habit loop and go into autopilot. You essentially have to “record scratch” your brain and silence all the constant chatter in your head.

Then ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” and “What is that worth to me?” Does the completion of that TV series matter more than something else you can be doing? Or does your time matter more?
When applicable, choose what makes you happier. I understand that there are things like jobs and other obligations that don't make us happy, yet we still have to complete their applicable tasks. But in other non-obligatory scenarios, follow your heart.

I hope this post helped you if you also struggle with something similar. Knowing that you are not alone sometimes is all you need to make a positive change in your life.

If it comes down to The Modest Journal, though, you should always complete the entries.

Maybe read them twice for good measure?

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Stardew Valley. One of my favorite video games of all time. It is a steal at the price point and there's so much to do that one might never complete it.

Entry No. 19: You Got Anymore Of That?

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 14:13:00 GMT

Gratitude is one of the strongest and most transformative states of being. It shifts your perspective from lack to abundance and allows you to focus on the good in your life, which in turn pulls more goodness into your reality. - Jen Sincero

Your mindset can change your entire life. I am not quite sure if you understand the gravity of that.
YOUR MINDSET CAN CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE .
I had a fantastic coach in high school who used to always quote “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” When life puts us in situations we inherently lean one way or the other, positive or negative. We tend to live in that version of life's events in our heads. I would argue that most things are not so black and white. By changing the way that our mind views and processes things we can potentially change our entire life .
Abundance vs. Scarcity mindset is a topic that has been fascinating to me ever since I read about it a couple of years ago. This means not changing the situation that you are in, just changing the way that your brain reacts to and views those situations. For those of you who don't know about abundance vs. scarcity mindsets, it is pretty simple to infer based on the title but I am going to clarify anyway. Abundance is to have a lot of something and scarcity is to have not enough of something, surplus, and lack. The Abundance Mindset is thinking “there will always be more” whereas the Scarcity Mindset is thinking “there will never be enough”.
An example being: a friend gets a promotion over you. A scarcity mindset would have you thinking “There's no way I will ever get a job like that. They are always so lucky. They took my last chance at that promotion.” Whereas an abundance mindset is less competitive and sounds more like “That is so awesome for them. There will be other opportunities for me, this just wasn't the one for me. There is no shortage of jobs.”
Essentially we are talking about shifting into a more positive mindset. Which is scientifically proven to make you live longer. Don’t believe me? Google that sh*t.
In the world there is no shortage of:

Kindness
Beauty
Money
Opportunities
Friendships
New Beginnings
Love

Someone else having something does not mean that you are losing something. The two are not mutually exclusive. We are not all fighting over one shiny toy .
Life is not a competition.
Living life with an abundance mindset is a more optimistic way of thinking. This mindset is heavily dependent on gratitude which has its own blog post (Entry No. 3), which you should read if you haven't already. People in this mindset are more likely to compliment others freely and often. They are more likely to forgive those who have wronged them. An abundant mindset usually makes people better at handling life changes and overall happier.
Life in the scarcity mindset is more pessimistic. It focuses more on what you don't have than all of the wonderful things that you do. People are more likely to hold a grudge and to keep their ideas inside for fear of someone else utilizing them. They are more likely to gossip about others and to fear to change. Overall it is just a more negative place of mind to be in.
Life's too short for all of that negativity.
If there was someone in your life who was negative all the time, always saw the worst in people, was angry at your successes, and was constantly saying they didn't have enough, you would not be their friend any longer. Can you imagine if you could never get away from them? It would be terrible right?
So stop making your brain a terrible place to be and be a better friend to yourself.
Changing the way you think is free , so if it doesn't work for you (which I highly doubt that it wouldn't) then you have lost nothing . But think about all the things that you stand to gain .
There is no shortage of chances out there .
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner : Journaling. Get a journal and write down five things you are grateful for each day. My personal favorite is Archer and Olive, but if you're a digital person the notes app works just as great too.

Entry No.18: One Size Fits Who?

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 15:07:00 GMT

"It has to be hard so you'll never ever forget." - Bob Harper

I write this post today after months, almost a year, of procrastinating. It is one of the topics that has been on my heart for years, something that was listed as one of my very first blog topics, and something that I know is important to share with you all.

Doesn't make publishing it any less terrifying.

Writing this is the easy part. Putting it out there for the world to see is the part that makes me want to vomit and curl up into a ball.

That being said, I am not one to make choices rooted in fear or to be stagnant. Quite honestly it's not like those who have something negative to say will have the courage to say it to my face.

Hi there, thanks for the view!

So here it goes. Today’s topic: all things weight loss, body image, diet culture, and body dysmorphia.

This will be a brief overview as all of these topics could have their own blog post. But now that I have opened the floodgate, I am sure the words won't stop pouring out of me, so we can expect more.

Growing up I was always small. That is something that I know now, but at the time I remember thinking that I was large. In High School, if I put my hands on my hips, I was no wider than my hands. Yet I remember thinking at 13 that I needed to be on some kind of diet because I was too large.

W. T. F.

Looking back now the only way that I could have been smaller was to donate my organs. Even though the doctors told me I was UNDERWEIGHT, it didn't matter. I was still “too large.”

My body has fluctuated throughout the almost ten (WOW I am old) years that I have been out of high school. As it should. I am a grown woman with a career and a husband, not a girl whose biggest concern was who was sitting next to who for the pep rally. It makes sense that my body would change as I grew up too. But that change, both in the mirror and in your head (because those are two very different images to most), was not an easy one.

I am grateful for my body. I love my body.

It does not mean that I have always been this way, and it doesn't mean that it has been easy, and it doesn't mean that there aren't things that I wish I could change.

In 2020 I was in the best shape of my life as an adult. I had just lost 20 lbs., was working out multiple times a day, and was feeling great.

In 2021 I had some health issues that not only attacked my body but my mental health, to the point it was almost crippling. In less than a year, I gained 70 lbs. due to these health issues and the stress associated. No change in my diet, activity level, living environment, or career, it was solely based on the health issues I was experiencing.

That was the start of a deep depression.

Losing weight is hard. Losing weight with no change to your diet and activity level is harder. I was already in a calorie deficit and working out. Yet the scale kept rising. No matter how many rounds of blood work, tests, ultrasounds, and appointments I attended it didn’t get better.

Thus, the depression worsened.

I spent about ten months in the deepest hole of sadness because I felt completely helpless, insecure, and unworthy.

I know now that wasn’t and still isn’t true, but the mind has a way of tricking us. I do not think without my husband speaking to my therapist about it that I would have ever chosen to get better. I will never forget the video call where he said “She has become a shell of herself, she just feels empty, and she won't let me in.”

He was right.

I felt unlovable and in turn, wasn't letting anyone love me.

Weight doesn't dictate our worthiness, how loveable we are, our self-worth, or our value. Weight is a number.

I decided that I had to make a change and I did it. Starting in March of 2022, I started a weight loss program and saw real results. By the date of my wedding, 7.13.2022, I was down 40 lbs. I have managed to keep most of it off since then, fluctuating a few pounds because well, life.

I have learned to give myself grace.

Since July: my husband has deployed, I have worked full time commuting an hour each way, taken care of four animals, maintained a house and 2+ acres of land, ran a blog, started an organizing business, started the process of returning to school, coached a cheerleading squad of 40 girls (where I would drive an hour each way), maintained my friendships and relationships, and somehow still found time to read a book and eat something.

So if I gain 4 lbs.…. WHO CARES?!?! Literally, who cares and why for so long did I?

I have recently got back on my weight-loss program and I plan on continuing to do it until I hit my goal “feeling” Notice that? Feeling NOT weight. FEELING. Weight is just a number. I do want to feel better and healthier in my body and to lose the remaining weight from my health issues. I want to love the way I look in our big fancy wedding photos. I want to feel confident always in not just how I look but who I am.

In talking with my therapist about this topic, I realized something. I am determined to succeed in most aspects of my life. If you tell me that I can not, I will prove you wrong. I had a calculus teacher when I was 16 tell me that I shouldn't even bother signing up for the advanced placement test because there was no way that I was going to pass it and “it would be a waste of money for my parents.” I told my parents that I wanted to take the test and get tutoring. I was a full-time student, on varsity sports, with a job, and I fit tutoring into my schedule for months.

I passed the test.

I brought my results in and showed them to my teacher and said “Looks like I wasted no one's money.” Petty, yet effective.

Why is it that THAT GIRL quits herself when it comes to her health? I asked my therapist. I kept saying to myself that I would write this post when I hit my goals when I was no longer insecure when I was “perfect.” Yet that goes against everything I know to be true . Why was I pushing off something so important for a WHEN? She encouraged me to write the post that has been on my soul because she said “There might be so many people out there feeling the same way.”

Are you out there? Do you hear me? Do you relate?

Listen to me.

We are going to stop quitting ourselves. We are going to realize weight is a number and does not contribute to our worthiness as a human. We are going to realize we are loveable at any size.

We are going to pursue health, not for the look, the aesthetic, or the validation.

We are going to pursue health because life is beautiful and we want to be around to live it.

Love you More,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

Water.

Plain ole, good for you water. Water doesn’t need to look a certain way to be important and neither do you. Drink some water and remember who you are.

Entry No. 17: Let Me Grab My Label Maker

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 19:00:00 GMT

“Organization begins with awareness of what doesn’t work for us.” — Unknown

I have been an organized person for almost all of my life, going all the way back to my childhood. I had a filing cabinet that I would use to file my cards by occasion type. How many little kids do you know with a folder labeled “Christmas Cards 2007”?

I am going to take guess that it is not many.

Not only am I organized, but I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Yes, I am diagnosed. No, I do not care if you say you're OCD and you don't actually have it. No, I do not mess with doorknobs or light switches. Yes, I love and see my therapist about this; she is one of the biggest encouragers of this blog post today.

To provide some clarity on my OCD, I have listed some of my ticks below:

I have to do things in order of age when it comes to my animals. This applies to the order I post or hang pictures, the way they sit, and who gets food/treats first.
I can't leave the gas station until the price is the same before and after the decimal or the inverse. (39.39 or 39.93)
I am obsessive about my food going bad, I don't like leftovers, I purge my pantry and fridge at a minimum once a week, and I used to keep a food index of every item of food in my house. I do not do this anymore because this is a system that would never work for my husband; therefore, it was not worth the fight. But we will cover this later.
I will sort things in any room that I am in, even if I am just a guest (or if I am in a check-out line at a store)
I color-code most things physically; if I can’t, I am probably doing it mentally.
The obsessive need to purge my house of items. I often feel like I have too many items when in reality, my house is pretty bare. I am donating at a minimum of one box of my things a month.
I am an insanely organized person.
And many more things, but I will save us all the headache.

Although my OCD can be annoying at times, I do not have any resentment towards it, as it helps make me who I am.

Being organized has helped me in unspeakable ways regarding school, relationships with roommates, and overall my mental health. I am easily overwhelmed by visual clutter. I think a lot of humans are as well, that's why when something is visually appealing, we find it to be “oddly satisfying.” Being organized and organizing your space is a way to take control. I have found that some of my biggest household purges came when other aspects of my life were causing me stress and were outside of my control.
Thus began my journey into learning how our environment, specifically as it pertains to its organization, is related to our mental health.

A visually cluttered space causes us anxiety. Thus, we tend to avoid the space because we know it is stressing us out. This means that it is always at the back of our mind, bothering us, yet we are unlikely to take any action to change the situation. From my experience, this space is something like a closet that not everyone who visits you can see, and you can shut the doors, walk away from it, and pretend that it doesn't exist.

Humans are like turtles; we fill the shells we are in.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can change these habits, especially if we notice that our environment is changing us. You are in control, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

I have learned a lot about the way that my brain works from studying my environment and the impact that it has had on me. I am fortunate that organization comes easily to me, but that doesn't mean that it comes easily to everyone. That is why I created:

The Modest Journal Home

The judgment-free organization service that meets you where you are.
I want to help others take control of their environments and feel the peace of a clean space. I will teach you how to create systems that work for your whole family, which is key to being able to maintain your space. But I also want to teach you about the mental health aspect of organization. We are quite literally the products of our environments.

If you can think of a space in your home that could use a bit of organization and you aren't sure where to start, let's chat. As my husband calls it, I would love to "Morgan-ize" your space with you.
As Nelson Mandela once said, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
I, for one, refuse to believe that there is anything I am incapable of doing.

Love You More,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

The brand new Home section of our website and the brand new The Modest Journal Home Facebook page, and Instagram.

Thank you for supporting my big dreams for my small business.

Entry No. 16: You Are A Wizard, Dear Reader.

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 17:47:00 GMT

“There is no place so dangerous as a world without magic.” – Terry Goodkind

Magic is quite possibly one of the things I am the most in love with about our world. If you don't believe in magic, here's to hoping our time together today can change that. If you do believe in magic, you are welcome at my home anytime.

Magic means many things to many people, but for the sake of today's discussion, let's work from the same definition: “the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.”
The idea of magic has been around since the dawn of time. Magic is featured in books, movies, the elements, legends, religions, schools, history, and even in you.

Magic is in everything around us: the people we interact with, the world we live in, the planet we call home, the animals we care for, and, if you look hard enough, the mundane. Times and places have magic as well, don't believe me? People are inherently nicer around the time of Christmas, and have you ever seen a sad person on a roller coaster? January, I would argue, has more magic than December does (although December remains my favorite month). January is full of the strongest magic of all, the magic of potential.

When the new year starts, there is a buzz in the air. People are filled with hope for the year to come.

Who will they be in a year?
What can they accomplish?
What does the future hold?

January holds the magic of potential, and it is for that reason that I think it to be the most magical of the months.

January brings reflection; we sit down and reminisce on the past year with fondness, but make goals for the new year. The resolution-ers are the dreamers. I fully believe in the magic of manifestation and setting goals. But I also believe in the magic of hard work. Hope is not a strategy. We are not entitled to handouts even as dreamers. We must dream our dreams, manifest the tomorrow we want, and take steps to align our lives with the person we want to become.

You can't manifest a great body and only ever eat ice cream, then blame the universe for not delivering on your six-pack.

Do you know how hard the universe works?

You gotta meet it halfway.

January brings change, a new year new you. The start of a new story. Chapter 1 of 12. A fresh calendar that you tell yourself you will keep up with this year. If you are like me, then you know just how magical fresh journals, books, and calendars are. We strive to make changes in our lives; maybe we want to prioritize our health. Maybe we want to be bolder. Maybe we're striving for a promotion at work. Maybe we want to pay off some debt. Maybe we want to get brave enough to tell the person we love how we feel.
I am here to say: Whatever it is you want (as long as it does not cause non-consensual harm to someone or something), you can do it this year.

Magic, Manifesting, or whatever else you want to call it, operates on the same principle: you. For this all to work, you need to believe in a few things:

A higher power. Believe in something bigger than yourself. Whatever you want to call it, whatever makes the most sense to you, whether it's Mother Earth, spirit, the universe, magic, manifesting, God, vibes, or whatever. You need to believe in the powers at play, that maybe you aren't the center of the universe.
The Universe, Magic, and God want to help you, and they want good things for you. But they aren't mind readers. If you want something, you need to ask for it, and you need to be willing to work towards it.
That you have energy. If you believe in all of this, then you know this to be true, but for my skeptics out there, you have vibrational energy. Different parts of your body operate at different frequencies, most being around 3 Hz–17 Hz. I can go way into the weeds on this topic another time, but for now, you just need to know your body has frequency and energy.
Higher frequencies are attributed to the positive things in your life, and lower frequencies are attributed to the more negative things in your life. To attract more positive things, you need your frequency to be higher. How do you raise your frequency? Things like gratitude, love, positive thoughts, meditation, breathwork, and forgiveness are good places to start.

With those four things in mind this year and with the application of them to your daily life, you will notice a shift in the magic around you. I personally love making a dream board at the beginning of every year to set the intentions that you want magic to assist with in your life. Print out pictures that clearly highlight things that you want for this year and place them somewhere where you will see them every day. Watch as the magic in the universe delivers.

I took some time away from posting because my magic was feeling pretty dim. I noticed that the darker the light got, the harder it became to believe in it. This, in turn, dimmed my light and thus the cycle continues. If you have ever suffered before, then you know that the cycle is very similar to depression. After doing some internal work, I am happy to be back and to tell you that my magic has never been brighter. Never forget that no matter how dark it seems, light is truly never gone.

After all, one of the best wizards of all time said: “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” - Albus Dumbledore

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

A very magical, calming soundscape
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD5o9codaXg
I listen to things like this all the time when I need to really focus on something. This Forest Witch Bookshop sound has quickly become one of my favorites for the magic it brings. It's what I listened to while writing this blog post.

Entry No. 15: One Is Silver And The Others Gold

Mon, 17 Oct 2022 15:21:00 GMT

"A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be." - Unknown

I am a fantastic friend.

Yes, you read that right.

I am humble enough to know that I can be replaced as a friend, but confident enough to know that it will take about five people to do so.

If I care about you, you know it. I will never make you question that. I will be there when things are hard, when you need someone to talk to you in the middle of the night, or when you need to get out of the house. I will remember things about you, your kids, your pets, and your family. I will show up on birthdays, graduations, and any party or event you invite me to (if I do not have prior obligations). I have driven three hours to be at an ugly sweater party and two and a half hours for a baby shower. I will reach out often to let you know that I value you. I will invite you to things. I will learn about your interests. I will sit in silence with you if you don't want to be alone, but also don't want to talk. I will open my home and my heart to you. I will always want what's best for you.

That being said, being friends with me isn’t easy.

I hold my friends to a higher standard and I do not sugarcoat anything. You ask my opinion, you get it unfiltered . You are messing up, I will tell you . You aren’t making a smart choice, I'll let you know . I won't tolerate disrespect towards me or my loved ones and I most certainly will not let you disrespect yourself or your loved ones.

If you want a friend who's going to agree with you to spare your feelings, lie on your behalf, or tell you that your life choices are good when they are not:

I AM NOT YOUR GIRL.

This doesn't mean that I abandon my friends. I have plenty of friends in relationships I don't support, who make choices I don’t agree with, and who don't listen to the advice that they ask me for. I won't abandon them because they aren't living their life the way that I think they should. When asked my opinion, I won't hold back, but I won't be disrespectful either.

I can support you as my friend while simultaneously not supporting the choices you are making/have made.

So today we're discussing friendships: what it means to be a good one, what it means to be a bad one, and how to tell if maybe it's time to walk away from a friend/friendship.

Friendships aren't always 50/50, and neither are relationships, for that matter.

Sometimes your friend is going through a difficult season of life, and you might need to carry more of the responsibilities of that relationship. Maybe you have to reach out first. Maybe you have to understand that they don't want to hang out with anyone right now, and it's not just you. Maybe you have to come over to their house and help them fold laundry and do the dishes because it overwhelms them. Maybe you just have to let them be and know that when they are ready, they will come back.

Rough seasons of life are TEMPORARY.

You should never always be the one carrying the relationship and getting nothing in return. As someone who has had MANY friendships that exploit my kindness, I can vouch for the peace of walking away from something/someone who is no longer bringing good to your life. One-sided friendships are toxic and exhausting.

If it's consistently one-sided, you're not in a friendship, you're in a friend-shit.

Friendships are so important to our lives. They are family members we get to choose. They should be kind, empathetic, loving, generous, honest, and worthwhile. Friends should accept you for who you are and love you regardless of your differences. Friends should make your life better, not more difficult.

The thing about toxic friendships is you know pretty early on if they are going to be unhealthy or not. Most of the time, we have our minds made up, or it is proven to us, but we stick around out of guilt. Maybe we feel like they need us, or our leaving will hurt them, or their kids will miss us, or there are so many years invested, or whatever litany of excuses your brain tells you because it's scared of change. I am here to tell you it's okay to walk away from toxic friendships and people.

My blocklists are filled with people whom I once loved, cared for, and strived to maintain friendships with, who never once did the same for me.

It is 1000% ok to know that you are worth more than someone who wants to exploit your kindness for the betterment of their lives and fully intends on returning nothing to you. You don’t need to be rude about it; you can simply just *walk away*.

If you are in an unbalanced friendship, it's not too late to try and fix it, as long as both parties are willing to listen. Evaluate the friendships in your life. Are there some from which you take too much? Are there some in which you give too much?

Life is the longest and hardest thing we do. It is important to have good friendships to support us.

Value your friends who respect you enough to want and expect more of you, and let go of the ones who only value what you can do for them and not who you are.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein.

One of my favorite books of all time, and the decal on my MacBook. Remember that being too much of the boy or too much of the tree isn't okay. Friendships are intended to be symbiotic. If it's toxic, then leaf (see what I did there?)

Entry No. 14: Do I Have The Product For You!

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 13:21:00 GMT

“A smile is the best makeup a girl could wear” ― Marilyn Monroe

Hi, my name is Morgan Conner, and I am a recovering “goo-hoarder”.

When I was younger, I was obsessed with creating collections, collecting many things and different types of things. My biggest collection is what I have deemed goo. I define “goo” as any kind of beauty product, makeup, lotion, perfume, soaps, creams, gels, chapstick, or any other type of goo.

If it's scented and you put it on your body, it's a goo.

I wanted to collect these, have tons of different products, and a never-ending supply of lotions. At one point, I had over 100 bottles of lotion…..seriously, girlfriend, you have ONE BODY.

As I got older, the urge to have and maintain collections disappeared. Thank God because a dresser full of toiletries is excessive and wasteful. Not to mention that if I used all of that goo, I would literally not be able to sit in a chair without sliding right out of it.

Picture: Clark Griswold trying to sled.

About three years ago, I started my mission to simplify the goo. I posted on Facebook that I was starting this effort to:

1. Keep me motivated

2. Let family members know I was simplifying and request no one add to the collection (although appreciated, I did not want more stuff to go to waste)

3. To potentially motivate people to also get rid of their goo.

The reason for the spark of this effort? I realized I wanted to simplify my routine and be less of a consumer.

You do not need all of that goo. No one does.

Companies want you to believe that you do, that you need eye cream, hair cream, leg cream, butt cream, boob cream, arm cream, foot cream, nose cream, ear cream, and cream for your cream.

It's part of being a woman in today's society.

If they can shame you for it, they can sell you a goo to fix it.

This is a stark difference between male goos.

Goos for men is shampoo, conditioner, oil for your car, fertilizer for plants, gluten-free snacks, laundry detergent, and the cure for cancer. Not to mention their goo costs a metric sh*t ton less.

So I started the task of getting rid of the goo.

I started by giving my friends and family some of the unopened lotion bottles in their favorite scents (if I had them). This way, the products were able to be used, and I didn't feel bad about getting rid of them.

Then, I started throwing away things that I knew were expired. For reference, most liquid-based products (like lotions go bad after about three years, whereas anything near your eye most of the time is three months.) Some powder products last a little bit longer, but again, for reference, around three years. Some products have an image of a jar with a time frame (3M 6M 9M etc.) of how long after being opened it is good for. This might surprise you: things expire far faster than I had originally realized.

Now, this was the part that started to get difficult for me. There were certain things that I had attached an emotional value to. There were also things that I felt bad getting rid of because I felt like that was wasteful, or I had spent a lot of money on them.

The thing is, once the item is purchased, it has already served its purpose.
Holding onto an eyeshadow palette I bought in high school, 10 years later, is pointless. It brought me joy then, and its purpose now is to be out of my life.
Then the last phase was using up the things that I had that were not expired.

This was and has been time-consuming and challenging. Over the three years I have been doing this, I have been taking pictures of each of the goos before I put them in the trash. I do this to keep track of just how much stuff I have, remind me how I don't want things to get again, and motivate me to finish products.

Over three years, I have used up:

Chapstick - 48

Lotion - 45

Makeup - 24

Body spray - 19

Nail polish - 19

Deodorant - 17

Sponges - 13

Hair masks - 12

Dry shampoo - 12

Perfume - 10

Body Wash - 8

Bars of soap - 7

Body Scrub - 5

Shampoo - 6

Bath bombs - 4

Conditioner - 4

Face wash - 3

Hair Spray - 3

Shave gel - 2

Face masks - 2

Self Tanner - 1

Box of Pimple patches 1

Lip scrub - 1

Eye cream - 1

I keep all these photos in an album on my phone, which is something I love to look through. This also serves a dual purpose, as now I have a record of the products I have tried, and when I am looking to purchase a product, I can remember if I liked it or not.

The goal for me is to have two products max by type. Example: one lotion I am actively using and one for backup. I still have a pretty big backlog of products I am working through, but with each day, I am closer than I have ever been to accomplishing this goal.

I want to challenge you all to purge your goos.

What do you have that you don't like but you are “trying to use up?”
What are you holding onto that is expired?
What are you keeping that you have an emotional attachment to where you maybe shouldn't? (Throwing away the concealer you wore to prom is ok, you have pictures and other memories to hold on to…. toss that stuff!)
Would you rather have the items or the space that they take up?
Who could better use those products? Lots of women's shelters are in desperate need of these types of products, which is a much better use than collecting dust in your closet.

You do not need all of this goo to change you, you are perfect as you are.
Let’s be honest, if the product fixes the problem, you wouldn't constantly need to rebuy it.

You are enough.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner :

checkfresh.com

This is such a helpful tool; when you enter the batch number of a beauty product, it tells you when the batch was created. This helped me find bottles of lotion still lurking in my backlog that had expired for YEARS. Your body deserves better than trying to use up expired stuff, toss it.

Entry No. 13: Taking The Path Less Traveled

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 12:58:00 GMT

“Change might not be fast and it isn't always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” ― Charles Duhigg,

Being that 13 is my favorite number, I decided to pick one of my favorite topics to talk about: Habits .
Now being that this is one of the self-help things that I am very passionate about, I have read MANY books on this topic. My two personal favorites are:

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg

They are absolutely worth your time to read and will go more in-depth on the things that we discuss today. Today is my rough overview based on what I have read, my experiences, and the lens through which I view life.
While habits can be an overwhelming topic we are going to start simple. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time .
Habits are the little things that we do each day on autopilot that make us who we are. Most of our habits happen without us even realizing it, which when you think about it is kind of scary. Habits are made up of three parts:

Cue - triggers the behavior
Routine - the habit itself
Reward - positive reinforcement

Some simple examples of this would be:

Cue - you are on fire
Routine - you stop, drop, and roll
Reward - you don’t die a terrible death

Cue - a cake with candles is presented to you
Routine - you blow out the candles when the singing stops
Reward - a delicious cake with your DNA spread all over it

Now sometimes habits are more complex:

Cue - you have a rough day at work
Routine - come home have a glass of wine
Reward - you don’t have to feel upset about your bad day and get to relax

Cue - you get home from work and see the couch
Routine - you plop down on the couch to watch just “one” episode
Reward - you relax and procrastinate the dishes for the third night in a row

Not all habits are good habits as demonstrated above. But breaking bad habits and creating new ones is insanely difficult. Why is that?
Think of your brain as a mountain covered in snow, with the top of the mountain being the reward and the bottom being the cue. Our brain wants to get us from the bottom of the mountain to the top as quickly and efficiently as possible . It doesn't want to take a difficult path, it wants the one with the least resistance.
Why make life harder, you know?
Well the more you climb the mountain, the more a trail forms, the snow gets thinner there, and the path is easier to walk. That's why your brain takes that path, the exact same way, over and over again. That is a habit that we have set in stone. Have you ever driven all the way home and pulled into your driveway and thought “How did I get here?” That is your brain going into autopilot following a habit loop.
Creating a new habit is basically telling your brain, “I know this path is easy and we have done it a million times, but I want to get back into the deep snow and make a second path.”
Your brain doesn’t want that.
So it fights you, it's hard to forge that new path but it's super important we do so. Especially when we know that the habit we do is no longer serving us, or does not align with the "us" we want to become.
Eventually, the new path becomes easier and easier to follow, and the old path starts to disappear. But like all good things, this takes time. It is much easier to take the old path and head toward comfort than it is to try new things and be uncomfortable. But here's the thing:
If you are not uncomfortable, then you are not living.
Have you ever heard the dramatic phrase “existence is pain?” It's wrong. Existence is easy, it's autopilot and it doesn't hurt. Life is what gets you, that's why they call them growing pains .
Some ways I have found to be very helpful in the formation of new habits are:

Habit stacking- take a habit that you already do and tack another habit onto it. Example: you want to be more physically active. When you're in the shower (a habit you already do which is serving a cue) you are going to add 50 calf raises (routine) which will make you more physically fit (reward).
Adjusting your environment- trying to eat healthy? Do not keep a loaded candy dish in the house, throw out the chips, and keep healthy snacks readily available.
Task Tagging - This is something new I learned from TikTok (created by Jessica Nazzareno). You put a bunch of loud and annoying keychains on your wrist and can only take them off once the task is completed. This has really worked for me recently and I highly recommend it.
Vision Boards - I have one in my bedroom and on it are pictures of things that I want to achieve or I am working towards. Forcing myself to look at that every single day helps motivate me to act on the habits that align with who I am striving to be.

When my husband deployed I noticed I was creating bad habits and neglecting myself and my house because I was sad. So the creation of new habits and the rewiring of my brain has been something that I am focusing on now. I hope you will join me in creating a new path.
What are you doing currently on autopilot that you want to stop? What is your plan to rectify that?
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” - Will Durant
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
The Task Tagging Key Tags . These seriously have been game changers in helping me with the formation of habits and making sure that I don't “start them tomorrow.”

Entry No. 12: No, I Am Not Ok.

Wed, 14 Sep 2022 14:38:00 GMT

"Distance is not for the fearful, it's for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough” ― Meghan Daum.

This post is dedicated to the military members, partners, and families out there. Although I do not personally know you, I see you.

As most of you know already, if you know me from outside of The Modest Journal, my husband is leaving for his second deployment. Today.

My husband is leaving today.

Being that he is a part-time military member and a full-time police officer means that I am used to the dangers and the away from home. Until now the longest that we have been apart continuously is three months. We are now, as I'm typing this, headed for nine months apart.

Naturally, everyone asks “Are you ok?” “How are you holding up?” “What can I do for you?”. I figured the best way to answer all these questions at once, for you and for myself, is through a blog post.

No, I am not ok.

I am not holding up well.

There is nothing that you can do for me.

Scott and I have a great support network, full of people who genuinely care about what we are going through, love us, support us, and want to make our lives easier. So I mean no disrespect when I say, there is nothing you can do to make this better. You are just simply not him.

I am terrified, sad, and overwhelmed.

I am so worried for him and about him that I don't think my brain can do anything else. I'm overwhelmed by all the things that will change, that will be different, or that will now fall on my plate. I'm scared that if I allow myself to feel it all, to cry, to break down, I will never stop.

I am saddened by the fact that I will build a life/routine without him. That my new normal will be waking up alone. That there will be no Scott to watch movies with, to sing to me on my birthday, to chase me around the house when he has chaotic energy, or to open Christmas presents a day early because I just can't wait to give him his gifts any longer.

I am sad for all our animals who love him, who miss him, and who will not understand where he is. I am especially sad for our one boy who isn't home but is at work for the duration of this deployment because we miss him too. I can not wait for the day that both of my boys come home.

I am sad for his family and his friends, who won't get to hear his goofy laugh, smell Captain by Old Spice, and get one of his famous hugs.

I am sad for him, for all that will change, all that he has to give up, and all that he will have to go through.

I am just sad.

There is nothing really that can make that better. My “better” is gone.

He will come home. He has to come home.

Being someone who separates herself when she's overwhelmed, upset, or tired, I want to apologize in advance. I am going to be distant, I am going to be less involved, I am going to internalize it all and try my damndest to handle it all by myself. It is who I am and it is how I handle things. I am sorry if I am not as good of a friend, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, coach, coworker, or "any other relationship title here" in the next season of my life. I promise you that I am trying. While I may push you away please understand this, I appreciate you being there for me so much and I will come back, in my own time.

Right now, I think I just need a minute.

With all of this sadness comes a great deal of pride.

I am so proud of him.

I am so proud that nothing about this process has been smooth, easy, or clear. Yet he still manages to hold his head up.

I am so proud that he knows how hard it is going to be and is still excited because it means that he gets to help people and connect with his mission.

I am so grateful that my partner is a hero.

I am so grateful that he chose me to be by his side and to hold down things here while he's gone. I am so grateful that he is so supportive and understanding of the emotional toll that this process has taken and is willing to do whatever is in his power to help (thank you 1 Marvel movie a week until we have tackled the entire cinematic universe together).

I am so grateful for the outpouring of love we have received from our community. We could not do it without you.

All of that being said, we are sad. We are not ok, but we will be.

Throughout my self-help and self-growth journey, I have learned that it's okay to feel exactly how we feel. That we do not need to beat ourselves up and shame ourselves for feeling how we feel.

This sucks, it's horribly depressing and that's ok.

Because the day that he comes home, it will all be worth it.

274 days to go.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out corner:

Guide to sending care packages to deployed soldiers. If you have any questions on what Scott might need or his address, please reach out to me.

Entry No. 11: The Voice Inside Your Head

Mon, 29 Aug 2022 16:33:00 GMT

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Self Confidence.
We are talking about the ever-elusive thing, the highly sought after, and the rare to genuinely find self-confidence .
This topic has been bouncing around in my head like a game of Pong (you know on the Atari) for about the last month now. I felt it was time to finally share my thoughts with you.
Self Confidence is one of the things that I myself am striving to work on and something I have noticed others could benefit from understanding. There is a difference between true confidence and the front many present to the world (which is designed to disguise the truly insecure person they are).
“Real confidence has no bluster or bombast. It's not rooted in a desire to seem better than everyone else and it's not driven by a fear of appearing weak. Real confidence settles in when you have a clear vision of exactly what you need to do. Real confidence blooms as you wield the skills and power you have built through your hard work and discipline.” -- Rob Brezsny
Something I have noticed recently is we are surrounded by these types of people regularly .
We might work with them, be related to them, be friends with them, or for some of you, be them. Being around a falsely confident person is draining, whereas being around someone who is truly in love with the person they are, is super uplifting.
You can tell the difference without someone needing to open their mouth, but more likely than not the falsely confident person will not be able to shut theirs.
Being truly self-confident is defined as “a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.” Which in my opinion is hard to find. Confidence itself is not derived from being better than someone else or from comparison. In fact, that is the opposite of confidence.
Our self-confidence shouldn't be derived from the idea that we look better, are smarter than, or make more money than someone else ( insert any other worldly method of comparison here ). Confidence should be derived from inside oneself and knowing that comparison of ourselves to others is pointless as we were all created to be unique .
Comparison is toxic and we are all guilty of it.
You know for a fact you have at one point looked at your ex’s new significant other and made a comparison to boost your self-confidence (or asked your friend if they felt they were more attractive than you). Or made fun of something about someone that they themselves can't help when you are feeling down.
It is human nature to try to make ourselves feel better when we are feeling insecure, this is just not the correct way to fix it.
True confidence doesn't waiver due to external factors, it is derived from within.
If I approached you and said “you are blue and have 6 legs” you would laugh and look at me like I was insane, because quite honestly I would be. You know for a fact that you are not blue with six legs because that would be a terrifying Avatar spider, and you are in fact, human. The way you view or perceive yourself wouldn't change in the slightest . You would realize that how I viewed you isn't true to who you are, and you would remain confident in the way you know yourself to look.
This is how we should be applying confidence to ourselves daily.
Independent of what anyone thinks about you, how do you view yourself?
I know for a fact that I am a loyal, thoughtful, and loving person. There is nothing that anyone can say to me that would change that fact about me.
As one of my favorite quotes goes (also listed at the top of this blog post)
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
The way you feel about yourself is displayed in the characteristics that you choose to own or identify as. Do not claim what others identify you as and allow it to impact your self-confidence. This doesn't mean we need to ignore constructive criticism or requests for change if we are hurting someone. “I identify as someone who is never wrong” is not going to do wonders for your relationship. But not taking insults that others throw our way as truth, or comparisons built out of jealousy, or insecurities rooted in fear, and claiming them to be a part of yourself will do a lot to help out your confidence.
Again, as with anything, easier said than done right?
So you need to give yourself grace as you work on establishing confidence intrinsically in yourself. It's not going to happen overnight, but over many nights, and each night will be worth the effort.
As for my friends out there screaming that they are confident from the rooftops when they know for a fact they are not. What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove it to? Why?
Saying something doesn't make it true, you have to put in the work to make it happen. Start there, then see just how far you can go.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner: You Are Special by Max Lucado. Remember that no one else can make you feel ANYTHING without your consent .

Entry No. 10: Life's Only Guarantee

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 14:22:00 GMT

“And then he greeted Death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, equals, they departed this life.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Today is going to be a morbid talk, something that we all know to be true, but don't necessarily enjoy speaking about.

Whelp, unless you're like me.

Death is up to bat today as our topic, and it is in fact, a heavy hitter.
When I was coming up with names for my blog, one that I had a vested interest in was “The Mortality Journal”. I loved it, however, many people told me it was kind of depressing. You know the journal of a girl who wouldn't always be around to update it? I liked the idea of leaving it behind, which I will do at some point regardless. But alas, I still do love The Modest Journal and do not regret my choice.

The option for The Mortality Journal stems from one of my favorite phrases of all time.

Memento Mori

Latin for “remember you have to die” Morbid huh? But if you can see the beauty in it, it's so powerful.

I have loved this phrase ever since I read it as a child in A Series Of Unfortunate Events The Austere Academy Book 5 . Pretty dark for a children's book, but then again the entire series is about two children and a baby whose parents have been murdered and they are trying to escape an evil actor who does nothing to abuse them, so it does feels fitting.
I have loved this phrase so much that it has been my username on social media, and has almost been the name of my blog, my brother has made it into a necklace for me, and I will most likely one day have it tattooed on my body.

So you are naturally wondering, why and if I am ok. I assure you that I am and we're about to get to why.

Knowing something is inevitable, as in “there is no way to stop it from happening, no matter what we do,” gives us this glorious thing. It gives us freedom.

Freedom to stop worrying about what is to come. Freedom to live.
Worrying about something that is inevitable is pointless.

If you have ever seen The Cinderella Story with Hillary Duff (which you should have because I recommended it to you in the second-ever Check this out Corner) then you would know this incredible quote:
“Because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.”

First of all, MIC DROP.

Second, she's right. Sitting around waiting and being terrified of death is useless and will be disappointing as it is inevitable.

I am not saying that Russian roulette should be your new hobby, that you should take up a new interest in sinkholes, or chase a white van down the block that says free candy.

I am saying, think of how much time you spend worrying about what is to come, and just how much better it could be spent thinking about what is.

We have all been asked those questions:

What would you do if you only had one day to live?
What would you do if you knew when you were going to die?
Would you tell anyone if you only had 6 months to live?
What would you do today if you knew it was your last?

This leads me to ask some questions of my own:

Why is it that we feel we need to wait until the end of our life to start living it?
Why do we spend so much of our time miserable when we know we only have a finite amount?
Why don't we do the things that bring us joy, instead of waiting for "the green light"?
Why don’t we remember we have to die?

Life is short (it is also the longest thing we do), and we need to start treating it as such.

We need to stop leaving the words in our hearts left unsaid. We need to do all of the things that light that spark of hope inside of us. We need to do more of what makes us happy. We need to prioritize ourselves and our dreams instead of wasting ourprecious time. We need to work to live, not live to work. We need to stop sweating the little things and focus more on the big things.

NEWS FLASH: when you are on your deathbed the little things like he said she said, who did or didn't do the dishes, if you looked fat in that picture, or if your cellulite was showing in those shorts are NOT going to be the things you're thinking about.

You're going to think about all the things you said no to, all the days spent at work, all the family members you are leaving, and what you wished you would have done or said.

I hope when that time comes you look back with no regrets.

But in order to have no regrets you need to live.

My challenge to you today is this: Remember you have to die and live accordingly .

Do not waste one more second in fear or what, take today and treat it as your last. Do this every day from now on and two things will happen.

You will actually live the life you have always wanted.
One day, you will be right.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner: if you haven't read them, The Series of Unfortunate Eventsbooks are incredible. I loved them as a kid and even re-reading them as an adult brings me joy. Hopefully, the Baudelaire orphans teach you a little bit about making the best of the worst.

Entry No. 9: You Are Stuck With Me

Thu, 21 Jul 2022 13:27:00 GMT

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." Emily Brontë

This post is going to be a personal one. More of a catch-up with what's going on in my life post than an advisory one, here is to hoping you enjoy it.

So, I got married.

Like, actually married, like the name change, new identity, husband, in-laws, courthouse, legally married. Like married…. MARRIED. It's weird to sya, and sometimes a glance at my husband’s (that's also weird to say) hand reminds me:

We did that shit.

It's honestly super exciting to say that, but also in the real sense, nothing really changes. Sure, my name is different now, and the government recognizes that we do love each other, but for most aspects of life, not many things have changed. I have been married for 1 week and 1 day now, and honestly, I’m still processing it.

How did I end up here?

Sometimes I do not realize how “old” I have gotten (I know, I know, I’m only 25 yada-yada). But hear me out, one day you're in high school worrying about the small stuff (albeit it doesn't seem small at the time), like who danced with who at prom, then you make the mistake of blinking, and you have a husband.

Who has allowed me, a former baby, to make these decisions?

I have a career, not just a job, a house, a car, my own money, a 401k, I schedule my own doctor's appointments, and now I have a husband. It is honestly so weird how fast life happens. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE MY LIFE. I have zero regrets about the way things have played out, and I have so much gratitude that this is my experience here on this planet. Alas, it still does not make it any less strange to be a “grown-up”.

We decided to get married at the courthouse on 7.13.2022 with our immediate family only.

My husband is in the Army and will be deployed for ten months. Naturally, as we were already engaged, we didn't want to wait until he came home to get married. We did, however, still want to celebrate with our friends and family, so we decided to do the whole formal thing when he gets back.

So the courthouse now, a big thing then, seemed like the best option.

Because the deployment timeline kept changing, I mean like constantly kept changing (because #army) we did not want to tell anyone until it was set in stone. A month out they were trying to change the dates… A MONTH OUT.
So can you blame us for not wanting to be the boy who cried wolf while they playedmusical calendar dates with our lives?

But naturally, as with any life change, the questions were relentless. Do you know how many questions you get when you plan a wedding? Now imagine you're planning two secret ones. Can you imagine how many questions we got? People who are like “you have been engaged for 7 months why haven't you started planning” “did you pick a date yet” and “so how's planning going”... I mean if I had a dollar for every time I was asked these types of questions, I could pay for the wedding in cash.

It's a hard thing to balance. I understand that people are excited for us, love us, care about us, and want to celebrate us (well most do, some are just nosy busybodies who are bored), but it can be difficult. Of COURSE, we want to celebrate with everyone and discuss flower arrangements and cake flavors and scream from the mountain tops we are excited. It is after all our wedding, of course, we want to be the one to share with our people our special day. No one is more excited than us. We however wanted to share our day and our news on OUR terms. This meant keeping it a secret until it was done to protect our time and energy. I can say looking back I have 0 regrets about our wedding.

Deployment also is a hard thing to balance.

I understand people want to see him before he goes, but hear me out. Imagine trying to fit ten months of holidays, birthdays, baby showers, weddings, dinners, visits, vacations, and all other extraneous social obligations in the span of one month. That doesn't include the life stuff like teaching your wife everything she needs to learn that you do to maintain the house and yard over a ten-month time period (you should have seen me learning how to use a zero turn). It also doesn't include work, army work, and I don't know…. time to eat, drink, sleep, pee, or breathe.

If you know me then you know I am fiercely loyal and protective of my people, I amnext-level ruthless when it comes to my husband. I will gut you regardless of who you are if you bother him or his peace.

Do not believe me? Ask him.

So naturally, when the news of the deployment first came up, I worried for him, not me.

It's such a big ask, leave everyone and everything behind for ten months. I can't imagine how mentally hard that is. I can't imagine the way it feels to see everyone seemingly move on without you. I can't imagine how scary it must be. It guts me to think about not being able to protect him from this. Do you want to know one of my favorite things about him?

He can not wait to deploy.

He is so excited to serve his country again, connect with his mission, collaborate with other soldiers, learn, and make a difference. He is the definition of a hero. I am sure that he is overwhelmed, overworked, and overexerting, but he never lets it show. He still makes time for date nights, plays with all the fur babies, sees all the people, walks around Home Goods, and buys and installs an alarm system to make sure I'm safe when he can't be there (good luck serial killers, I am armed and spicy).

So if you want to get us a wedding present: give him a break. Give him support. Give him your prayers. Give him your good wishes. Give him reminders that you care. Give him strength while he's gone. That is all we need, not a Kitchen-Aid mixer, a piece of wall décor, or a cutting board. We just need your love.

So that's been my life the past couple of months, glad we are all caught up.
My challenge for you today is this, if you know a service member, thank them. Not just on Veterans Day, but every day. While you do that I'm going to be following my new husband around with stress-relieving teas, lotions, candles, stress balls, spa music, and every crystal I can get my hands on.

Love you more,

Morgan Conner

Check This Out Corner: Stress Relief Eucalyptus scent from Bath and Body Works, it has a green label and it works wonders.

Entry No. 8: The One Thing You Should Do Each Day For No Reason At All

Mon, 11 Jul 2022 14:25:00 GMT

“God never said to love only those you deem deserving.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich

Today seemed like a good day to tackle one of the most beautifully simple yet complicated things in human existence… Love.

For something that should theoretically be so easy, we do such a good job of making it complicated. So we are gonna talk about love, not just with our partners and our families, but with everyone in our lives, and even those whom we do not know.

I am the kind of person to tell everyone that I love them, even when it's hard and scary. My personal belief is that life is too short and I never want to regret the words I leave unspoken. I say I love you to my friends, to strangers, to family members, to acquaintances, to anyone who reads a blog post, and to most, if not all, creatures I meet (minus spiders, sorry not sorry).

I wasn't always this way.

I spent a lot of time being afraid of telling those around me that I loved them. I worried about how they would feel, would they think I'm rushing things, would they think I'm too intense, would they think that I am obsessed with them, etc? It wasn't until I learned the hole that is left when words are left unsaid, that I decided to make a change.

The problem with telling people we love them is that we tend to save it for a special occasion or when it's too late.

We need to stop treating love like it's something to covet and hoard and start treating love like glitter. Have you ever used glitter? That stuff gets everywhere fast, and it's almost impossible to get it all up. That is how we should give love. The people we interact with should always be finding more of it, even weeks after the first use.

Holding onto love instead of sharing it doesn't leave you as full as you might think it would. What you have displayed and instilled in your brain by doing so is that love in your life is a scarcity. That love is something we need to keep bottled away in case it runs out, as opposed to something that flows freely from all of us indefinitely. Love is limitless, and we are never in short supply.

Love is one of the best things that we do.

It's inherently simple, and it is taught to us in many ways from the time that we were little. Even if we're not directly told, “spread love around like it's glitter'' we are told things like Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is a fancy way of saying, love people always and not just when you feel they have earned it.

Why, as adults, is loving others so hard for us?

For kids, it comes so easily. Picking weeds and gifting them as flowers to parents and teachers. Sharing our toys. All examples of love that we weren't afraid to show anyone. Yet as adults, we spend time at the beginning of our relationships having feelings but waiting months until we've spent an “appropriate” length of time together, where saying I love you is acceptable.
There is a quote from How I Met Your Mother (a show I have never seen but intend to) that says:

“Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we’re lost, and love is dead, and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do.”

I completely, wholeheartedly, and 1000% agree.

Loving people for who and what they are with ZERO expectations of something in return when there is not a specific reason, when it's 8 am on a Tuesday, when it's no one's birthday, and when they have done “nothing to inherently earn it”..... that is what love is. That is what we are called to do. It's why when you see videos of people driving down the street yelling I love you to strangers, every single one responds I love you too with a smile.

Deep down, we all want to be loved.

A lot of problems we face in the world today could be solved by truly loving those around us. Regardless of belief, religion, political affiliation, skin color, or who they pick in Mario Kart, people deserve to be loved. Loving others because it is simply their inalienable right as a human is the first step in creating a better world. Spread love like it's glitter.

My challenge to you is this: for no reason other than to spread love, tell someone in your life today that you love them. Do this every day to one person at a minimum.

Love them for no special occasion, no reason, and for nothing in return.

Love them because it's what we do best, and while you're at it, love yourself too.

In case no one has told you today, I love you.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

One of my favorite songs of all time... like play this at my funeral songs: I Lived by OneRepublic. I hope it reminds you I love you, and all I hope you get in your life (including love).

Entry No. 7: Are We There Yet?

Wed, 22 Jun 2022 12:45:00 GMT

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude"

- Denis Waitley

Happiness… seems simple right? Yet for some reason, it is one of the most difficult concepts for people to understand. Many people spend their whole lives searching for and longing to be happy. I mean literally searching. When I go to Google and type “How to be” the predictive text tells me “happy.”
Ouch.
Doesn't that just hit you in the gut?
It breaks my heart to know that there are so many unhappy people out there that feel their only way to get help is Google. I mean Google is a great resource and answers all of my random 2 AM questions, so no shade to Google, keep on wit yo bad self . But why is it that this is something we can't talk to the people in our lives about?
Disclaimer, if you are unhappy and need someone to talk to, I will always be here . I might not have all the answers like Google does, but I will always have a shoulder to lean on.
That being said, the biggest problem with happiness is we use it as a benchmark, a destination, and a desired end state. We are all striving to be happy, but how many of us actually are? To be fair, it's not entirely our fault.
Have you ever thought will be happy when:

I get that new job
I get that new car
I lose 20 lbs.
I get a new house
I get married
I have kids
I get that tattoo
I have clear skin
I have no cellulite
I look like them
I prove them wrong

The inherent problem with any of those statements is not the wants, it's the WHEN .
Listen you do you boo, I do not care what kind of goals you have in life, do what makes you happy (unless it's causing non-consensual harm to someone. this is not a candid statement endorsing serial killers.) But you can't use those goals as a way to prolong your happiness. Happiness is a choice and you have to choose to be happy with who you are and what you have right now .
"It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness." - Charles Spurgeon
The Power of Now is an incredible book that highlights this concept. Really crude summary: neither the future nor the past exists, time is a construct, all we have is right now and you are wasting it thinking about something that may never come. Eckhart Tolle says it better, so I highly recommend reading his book, but you get the idea. Happiness isn't a “when”, happiness is a “now”. Because quite frankly, if you make happiness a “when” you might never find it.
Back to what I said earlier, it's not entirely your fault that you are unhappy .
For starters, think about what it would do to the beauty industry if people just decided that they were happy with who they were. Companies make money by making you feel inadequate . If you don't have a laundry list of things you want to “fix” about yourself (longer hair, whiter teeth, clearer skin, removes wrinkles, hides cellulite, lose weight, and the list goes on and on) then how do they make money? Advertisements are literally designed to make you unhappy with who you are.
Not to mention, everyone is doing it. Everyone is complaining and unhappy.
“How are you?”
“Oh you know, livin' the dream.” - They say sarcastically over a mediocre cup of coffee.
It's much easier to fit in and go with the flow than it is to be 100% authentically you. I'm sure there were the kids in school who were their truest selves, they were happy, and I am sure that they were the ones teased relentlessly for being different. The fear of standing out is a very real thing, it is hardwired into us. Back in the prehistoric days, we had to fit in or risk being thrown out of the group, which at the time quite literally meant death. In the year of 2022, it's obviously not the same, but our brains treat it like it is. Being happy means being different, and that is scary. It's much easier to be unhappy and fit in than it is to be happy with yourself and stand out.
You are not alive for "easy" or to blend in.
Our country is founded on three unalienable rights, three things that we are all always and forever guaranteed:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
Come on Founding Fathers with that MIC DROP .
You are not alone. The search for happiness is one of the things that unites us as people. But here's the thing, you don't need to search for it . You have everything you need to be happy already, right at this moment, and nothing needs to change.
Here is my challenge for you: Right now, choose happiness.
Choose today to let your happiness be independent, flowing free of constraints, and all-consuming.
Love You More,
Morgan

Check this out Corner:
"Happy" by Pharrell Williams - I know you have heard it, but blast that today. Sing the words as loud as you can. Literally, dance like nobody's watching. Be Happy.

Entry No. 6: I Am Busy Then, What Are You Doing 6 Years From Now?

Tue, 14 Jun 2022 11:24:00 GMT

“It’s not always that we need to do more but rather that we need to focus on less.”

-Nathan W. Morris

One of the things that I struggle with, and you might as well, is the idea that being burnt out/busy is something to strive for.

Society has the notion that we need to be constantly busy, hustling, grinding, and working on something in order to be “successful.” While chasing our dreams and having goals is not a bad thing, it's the thought that rest makes us weak that can actually cause us physical harm.

We all know them, the “I will sleep when I am dead” people, the surviving on caffeine and a prayer people, the "if I don't do it now then when" people. The ones who just look exhausted all of the time. If you are one of those people, this chat is for you.

We tend to glorify being overworked and wear stress like it's a badge of honor. “Well if they aren't stressed then they must not really care.” We also tend to penalize people for prioritizing rest and peace. “Wow, they take off work a lot they must not care about their job.” “Why are you in bed? It's only 8 pm, what are you a grandma?” Which let's be honest, is just a projection of insecurities.

This was super prevalent to me in school, college in particular. Whenever there was a big test, I would always study the material and feel pretty confident, maybe spend an hour the night before reviewing and no more. I always did well in school, never had a problem, and wasn't a terrible test taker. But, I do remember the kids that would come in exhausted saying they were up all night studying and feeling like “did I not do enough?” “I must not be as prepared as they are” or “wow I'm not going to do as well as they are.”
Basically, insert negative intrusive thoughts here .

When the test would come back and that person would score higher than me, even if it was by 1 point, it reaffirmed the notion, "coming in tired because you were up all night means you are setting yourself up for success."

I mean, come on baby Morgan, we KNOW that is not true.

It's something that is prevalent in our culture, something we are taught at a young age.

Stress = Success

Recently, our culture is starting to rewrite this narrative and I couldn't be more proud. Being successful isn't being sleep deprived, stressed out, and starving ourselves because “we're too busy to take a break.” Success should look like being a well-rounded individual, meeting most of our basic needs so our bodies can support everything we are trying to achieve. Notice how I didn't say all? The perfectionist in me wanted to put all, but the realist knows that we don't always have the ability to meet ALL of our needs, at least not at the same time.

Trust me I get it we have responsibilities, jobs, showers, weddings, birthdays, parties, family events, and holidays. Those things definitely fill up our social calendars. Sometimes you are double booked and your weekend looks more like a cross-state tour than a break. As someone in the season of life where my friends are getting married or having babies, I completely understand social obligations. But we do have obligations to ourselves, and it is not selfish to put those first.

“Whenever an animal is overworking, a human is to blame.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Think of your body like a car. If you were not fueling your car, ignoring all of the warning lights, driving it constantly, and unable to regulate your speed (one minute going 80 then slamming on your brakes), then you are headed straight to a breakdown and calling AAA. Your body is the saaaaaameeee way.
What makes you think that putting that strain, that pressure, or the relentless activities are good for you?

Today I challenge you to take some time to take care of yourself, however, that looks for you. Maybe it's a walk outside, snuggles with an animal, a bubble bath, a good catch-up with an old friend, or maybe it's none of those things. Even if you can only take ten minutes for yourself it is not a waste, it is not selfish, and it is important.

You won’t regret the time you spent taking care of yourself. Let's prioritize rest and stop glorifying being overworked.

If Chick-Fil-A can take a day off, so can you.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

A video that helps me release some mental fog (crown chakra): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP3A3jReX6A

Entry No. 5: Everything Happens for a Reason

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 12:06:00 GMT

“You have been created in order that you might make a difference. You have within you the power to change the world.” ― Andy Andrews

Have you ever heard of Edward Lorenz?

He attended Dartmouth, Harvard, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), had a doctorate in meteorology, served in World War II, and has won many awards in the field of science. MIT actually has a center in his name, The Lorenz Center, for his contributions to the field and in honor of the efforts he pioneered. The man was a straight-up genius and, from all accounts, a fantastic person.

Yet, I bet you have never heard of him.

Have you ever heard of The Butterfly Effect?

It's the theory that a butterfly in America flapping its wings and just doing its thing over here could create a tsunami across the world. There have been many books and movies based on this theory, or that simply apply it. Ever seen a movie where they go to the past and are warned countless times that any changes they make can drastically alter the present?

Yeah Marty McFly, I am looking at you buddy.

Do you know who founded this theory?

None other than the one and only resident genius, Edward Lorenz

As I am sure you could have inferred from the paragraph above.

This theory, I believe, is one of the most fundamental theories, as it quite literally changes the world around you. It means that one person, in fact, does have the power to change the world. That even though we are a speck of dust on the windshield of time, we were put here for a reason, and we are not as insignificant as we are often led to feel.

I am sure you have seen those quotes on social media that reference the setbacks of celebrities in comparison to where they ended up. Quotes that are designed to reassure you that you are where you are meant to be in life. You know the things like:

Walt Disney was fired because he lacked imagination and had no good ideas
Oprah Winfrey was fired for getting 'too emotionally invested in her stories
Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was 'too stupid to learn anything
Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team

I think it's a fascinating topic, the things that needed to happen for us to become the people that we were meant to be. This goes back to Entry No. 3, which focused on gratitude. Some of my biggest blessings started out as some of my biggest hardships.

Let me explain.

On September 15th, 1996, a co-worker of a woman called her, not feeling well, asking if she could cover her shift. That woman, being the person that she was, decided to cover for the sick co-worker. That day, three individuals planned to rob her place of work, killing her in the process. She wasn't supposed to be there.
In 5th grade, a little girl got assigned a family tree project. The request was simple: go home and learn about your family. This led to the conversation with her parents about Grandma, what happened, where she was, and why she never met her. This led to a little girl learning very early on just how scary the world can be.
That little girl grew up and decided she wanted to study forensics, to give back to families just like hers. She got $800 more in scholarships to Penn State, so she picked her college, and off she went.
The girl's college friends invited her out one night. She had reservations, but thought Why not, and went out. There she met a man.
The man turned out to be abusive, toxic, and detrimental to the girl. After a series of unfortunate events, the girl who was on an academic scholarship dropped out. She decides that while she heals, home is where she needs to be.
Not having a degree, her father sets her up with a job. It's not what she wants to do, but it pays well until she can get back on her feet.
In her first week at her new job, she meets a man who has faced some challenges recently. They talk, they bond, they fall in love, and they decide to get married.

Now, if you know me, then you might see where this is headed. If you don't, this is my story.

I am a physical embodiment of the effect; I am the tsunami.

If one thing changed:

The coworker didn't get sick
The robbers didn't pull the trigger
The teacher changed her lesson plan
The girl got 800 dollars less in scholarships
The friends wouldn't have invited her out
The man went to the bathroom instead of meeting her
The girl never came home
The dad never helped
The new man pursued a different career

Then, none of us would be here. On this website, reading this blog, or at this exact moment in our lives.

In knowing all of that, how can you, for one moment of your precious life, think that you don't matter, that you are insignificant, or that you are not exactly where you are meant to be?

Every little thing we do is impactful, in ways that we might not even realize at the time. Do not stress out about that and go all “oh my gosh what I eat today for dinner could alter the space-time continuum .” Think of it as a divine purpose. Treat yourself like the main character in your favorite book. Harry Potter does what he is meant to and supposed to do whether he realizes it or not. Katniss acts on impulse and volunteers as tribute. Ferris Buller decides he needs a day off. The Breakfast Club earns detention.

Sometimes, it's just as simple as that.

What I challenge you to do today is this: realize that there is a reason for everything. Why the car cut you off, why your dog puked last night, why you were dumped, why you lost your loved one, etc. Maybe, just maybe, it's designed to stop you from being in a moment that was never intended for you.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner: A very short and powerful read: The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews

Entry No. 4: It’s Not a Secret, But It’s Also Not Your Business.

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 12:07:00 GMT

“ While you are too busy minding other people’s business, who is busy minding yours?” – Edmond Mbiaka

I am about 100% certain that at one time in your life, you have been in a public setting and were either asked or heard someone be asked a question that made you go… “Did they really just say that?”

Today, we are talking about intrusive questioning, those things that make you think, “Are you really that bored in your life you want to know every detail of mine?” or “That is super personal information, why are you asking me that?”
People in this day and age feel entitled to know everything about a person, and some are downright offended at boundaries. I am no doctor, specialist, psychologist, or sociologist, but I will say, social media and cell phones play a big part in it.

We as a society have all of the information we need about each other readily available at our fingertips, which has created a sense of entitlement to others. Entitlement not just to every little detail about them, but to their time as well. I'm talking about the “it's been three hours, why haven't they texted me back by now, they are green on Facebook so they should obviously be answering me” ideology.

We should never confuse someone's free time with their availability.

We have also developed a habit of oversharing information; no one needs to know when you are in the restroom or which way your toilet paper roll goes.

Intrusive questioning can look and sound a little bit like this:

Are you guys trying for kids?
Do you want kids?
When are you going to have kids?
When are you going to have another kid?
How much did you pay for that?
How much do you make?
Why are you on a diet?
Are you sure you should eat that?
Why won’t you have just one piece of pizza?
Why aren't you drinking?
What were you addicted to?
Are you pregnant?
Why hasn't he proposed yet?
Are you guys ever going to get married?
Why are you single?
What kind of abusive relationship?

…… shall I continue? Here is the thing about all of those questions. They are quite literally NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Why do you want to know? Why does it matter to you?

These questions speak more about the person asking them than they do the person receiving them. Do not take it personally; they have something going on inside themselves. Usually, these questions are asked because:

They have some unsolicited advice they are just dying to share with you
They are miserable in their own lives
They are projecting their own insecurities onto you
They want to make you feel uncomfortable
They feel entitled to you
They are jealous

Let me start by reminding you: You have no idea what someone is going through or has been through.

The couple who were just questioned about when they were having kids could be actively going through a miscarriage. Maybe they were told they would never be able to conceive. Maybe they don't want kids. Maybe they want kids, but that's not a priority right now. Maybe they are pregnant, but the baby is sick. Maybe they have tried for years, but nothing is working. Why do you need to know about their intended schedule or lack thereof for procreation?

The person who was just questioned about their choice to drink is a recovering alcoholic, is pregnant, is taking medication that does not permit them to drink (this can be as simple as allergy medication), is not feeling 100%, is hung over from the night before, is trying to lose weight and not have unnecessary calories, or frankly just doesn't want to. Why do you want them to drink so badly? What does that say about you?

The person who was just questioned about their relationship status could have been dumped, could have been cheated on, doesn't want to get married, wants to get married but isn't ready yet, is ready to commit but their partner isn't, is not happy in their relationship, and any other litany of things. Why do you need to know if/when they plan on taking their relationship to a new level?

No matter what the answer is to these questions, it almost never concerns you. I am not talking about if people come to you asking for advice, that is different; that conversation is wanted by both sides. I'm talking about when you are asked a question that makes you feel uncomfortable. You do not under any circumstances have to answer these or entertain the conversation.

“No" is a complete sentence. ― Annie Lamott

I am in no way, shape, or form insinuating that these things should not be talked about. These are important topics of discussion, as a firm believer in having hard conversations, these things should be talked about. However, it’s not the “small talk /unsolicited conversation at the dinner table with bonus advice” corner. I have bought many “my mom doesn't want your advice” onesies for my friends' kids, and will continue to do so because it's true.

Do not ask someone something so intrusive because you intend to tell them your opinions on breastfeeding vs. bottle feedings, flowers they should have at their wedding, at what rate they should conceive, and what you believe they should eat or drink. If someone wants to hear your opinion or talk to you about something personal, they will come to you.

In my experience, the best way to handle intrusive questioning is to deflect by humor, redirect the conversation, or ask them point-blank blank “Why do you want to know?”

If this fails, send them this link or my email. I am always down for a little chat on the importance of healthy boundaries.

I've got your back.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

A classic throwback song that lives rent-free in my head: King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

Entry No. 3: The Not-So-Secret Key Ingredient for a Happy Life.

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 16:52:00 GMT

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” – Buddha

In my opinion, one of the most talked about but least practiced forms of self-help is gratitude. We all know what it is, and we all know that we should be applying it to our daily lives, but alas, we don't. Why is that?

grat·i·tude /ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/ noun

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Most religions, self-help books, life coaches, and children can tell you the importance of expressing gratitude. It's something we are taught from a very early age. Can't you just hear your parents saying, “What do you say?” and you return with a sigh and a “tHaNk YoU”?

Expressing appreciation to those we have relationships with is important. When someone does something kind, we want to let them know that it doesn't go unnoticed. People derive some worth in being appreciated, needed, etc. But how does that apply to your life?

Oftentimes in today's society, we are met with a now what mindset, a lack mindset, and a “when I have/do/see this, I will be happy” mindset. These things, while not inherently bad, can have a detrimental impact on gratitude.

Yeah, my car is nice, but the newer model is so much nicer.
Yeah, I got a raise, but so-and-so makes more than me and they do a lot less.
Yeah, I know we just moved in together, but when are we going to get a dog?
Yeah, I know I lost 10 lbs., but if I just lost 10 more, then I would be happier.

These things take away from the now and appreciating what we have at this moment. As your resident type-A planner, trust me, I HEAR YOU. It is okay to look with optimism and excitement for the things that are to come, we just don't want to hyper-fixate and take for granted the things we have now.

Roy T. Bennett once said:

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more?”

Think back to you 5 years ago, 5 months ago, or maybe even 5 days ago. I am sure that person had something they wanted, whether it be a car, house, purse, job, lifestyle, mindset, or whatever else you strive for that you have now. I think back to 20-year-old Morgan, terrified of where her life was headed and if she could see me now, engaged to my best friend, surrounded by fur babies in a beautiful house, great job, tons of supportive friends, and family, and a nice car, that she would be ver,y very grateful.

Oftentimes, we don't realize that we are living in a now that we once prayed for.

What that girl didn't realize is that within five years' time, she would have everything she was praying for then. I myself struggle with gratitude, sometimes treating happiness as a destination and not as a journey or choice. I have found that when I am grateful for the things that I have now, my vibration and energy are raised. An abundance mindset is always going to be a higher vibration than a lack mindset (but that is a topic for another day).

My fiancé and I will often find ourselves saying to each other, “Tell me five things you're grateful for right now.” Sometimes this is after a big argument, a minor inconvenience (like when your pants get stuck on the doorknob as you walk by and it feels like the end of the world), or after ranting/complaining about a really long day.

There are times when I know I have said, “I do not have anything I am grateful for right now.” Which, of course, is a bald-faced lie. But at the moment, after a long day when everything is seemingly not going your way, it can feel like that. I have so much to be grateful for; in fact, I am more fortunate than most and take for granted things that others dream of, as I am sure you can relate.

You do not just want to be grateful for the good in your life; you also want to be grateful for the bad. Everything that happens to us shapes us; we learn, grow, adapt, and become the person we are meant to be through our circumstances, relationships, and choices. We want to strive for gratitude for the things that appear inherently negative at first, like a toxic relationship, getting fired, a car breaking down, and even death. For it is in these times that our path is formed, where we establish the habits we need to survive, and that gets us to where we are meant to be.

If your toxic ex didn't break up with you, then you wouldn't have the wonderful person you are going to be with.
If you weren't fired, then you would have never taken the leap to start your own business.
If your car hadn't broken down, you would have missed out on all the wonderful carpool memories and the car that was meant for you.

My challenge to you is to practice gratitude, when it's hard, when it's easy, when you don't want to, when you need to, and every moment in between. If it's hard to think of things that you are grateful for, then here are a few to get you going:

If you can read this, I am grateful that your eyes work, that you are alive, that you have access to technology, that you woke up this morning, and all the things in between. Start there, and see just how many things in your life you have to be grateful for.

When you apply the practice of gratitude to your life, you will be amazed by the abundance it manifests as well as how much happier and lighter things feel. So what if they cut you off on the highway this morning? You have a car, a job, and woke up probably in some form of shelter, where you have access to climate-controlled rooms, running water, and electricity. That already makes you more fortunate than a lot of people in the world.

Let's not take for granted just how blessed we are.

I, for one, am grateful for you.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner:

One of my favorite books: The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V. E. Schwab. This book was so beautifully written, I wish I could read it again for the first time. The plot will make you appreciate what you have in your life. I am grateful for this book.

Entry No. 2: That Looks Great, But You Missed a Spot.

Tue, 07 Jun 2022 14:04:00 GMT

"Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve?"

Perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think?”"― Brené Brown,

If you are anything like me, then you probably struggle, have struggled, or are currently struggling (whether you know it or not) with this thing called

Perfectionism.

I am sure most of us have a general idea as to what perfectionism is, but it is defined as an "individual's concern with striving for flawlessness." That can be in any area of your life, and you might not be aware that you even do it.

Maybe it's your career, and you find yourself narrowly making all of your deadlines because you are obsessing over something as small as Calibri vs. Times New Roman.
Maybe it's in your home life, and you are constantly stressing over which type of plant you should have, monstera or fiddle leaf fig, because that's what Pinterest says will make it “aesthetic”.
Maybe it's in relationships where you are constantly not listening to your people, because you are ten steps ahead of them in the conversation, thinking of just the right thing to say.
Or if you are anything like me, maybe your perfectionism shows itself in the form of PrOcRaStInAtIoN, where you are afraid to start something for fear that you might fail.

As a child, and I know I am not the only one on this, I was OBSESSED with Hillary Duff (and lowkey still am). I'm talking about “bringing the CD Jacket on the bus because it had the lyrics and I could belt out the songs at recess with my friends” level obsessed.

One of my favorite movies was obviously A Cinderella Story with Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray. If you have ever seen that movie, then you know the famous quote that hangs on the wall in the diner:

“Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”― Babe Ruth, Sam’s dad in a Cinderella Story

Come on, Disney, with that golden nugget of wisdom. I won't spoil how that impacts the storyline of the movie, in case you didn't have a childhood, but I will say it's a pivotal turning point. As it should be for everyone who reads it.
This brings me to the topic of today's discussion: perfectionism.

Let me set the record straight, is like cake. It's not bad in moderation; it can sometimes be good for you (mainly for the soul in reference to cake), but too much of anything can be bad. For example, this blog was started weeks ago, and when I first posted, I was so excited, the first post came easily. Yet weeks later, my first post sits alone. In fact, the only people who have read it are my fiancé and my brother, because I haven't even told anyone I started this blog.

My brain has tons of excuses:

We should have more content before we tell anyone, right?
It's not too late to back out now; no one knows, we could just delete this.
What if it's a flop?
What if people don't like it or judge me?
What if it's not perfect?

Just like that, our brains take something that is so exciting to us, and “what if” ourselves out of it. To be fair, it is your brain's way of trying to protect us from the scary F word, FAILURE. Our brains strive for self-preservation, which is something that has been hardwired into us since the dawn of time, back when we needed those fight-or-flight reflexes to survive. It is not inherently a bad thing, I am NOT saying “ignore all urges to protect yourself, don't stop at stop signs, just go without thinking.” A little bit of self-preservation is good. We do not want to ignore that fear; instead, we want to make space for it, understand why it's there, consider it, and in some situations proceed with caution.

Why am I anxious about putting out another post? Instead of saying I can't publish this until it's perfect or I will be the laughing stock of this entire generation, I can look at this situation, have a little chat with my brain, and realize that:

This blog means a lot to me; it makes me happy, it makes me excited for the future, and it is for that reason that I want it to be my best work and succeed. Because it matters to me, I want people to like it. But if they don't, that's okay too. I like it, and I am proud of it, so that is truly what matters. Thanks, Brain, for being nervous. I know what I am doing is scary because it's new, but it's also exciting. We should make space for that in here next to the fear. If I wait until it's perfect, we won't have a blog. Thanks for looking out, Brain. I appreciate you having my back.

Or something, maybe a little less monolog-y and cheesy. But you get the gist, right?

I am not telling you that you need to tie up the little voice in your head that worries and put duct tape over its mouth. I am telling you that it's there for a reason, and ultimately it wants what's best for you, but you are the one who gets to decide that. Not your brain, not other people, YOU. As the ever-so-wise Michael Scott once said:

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” — Wayne Gretzky- Michael Scott

So today’s topic is a bit of a selfish one, I know it's what I need to hear, and maybe just maybe it's what you needed to hear too. With all of that being said, I did it. I wrote my second post, and if all goes to plan, you are reading it.

Perfectionism is something that is just a part of us, but perfection isn’t a goal because it doesn't exist. Being flawed is human nature; having flaws makes you perfectly you. So the next time you see something on social media and you think “GOSH she's perfect, if I looked like her I would be happy!” or you are at church and think “I shouldn't come here I am so broken, look at them they are perfect, I’m unworthy” or any other time your brain hurts you by accident when trying to protect you please remember this:

Perfect is BORING.

You were not made to be perfect; you were made to be you.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner: A fantastic 2000's movie: A Cinderella Story

Entry No. 1: We Are Gathered Here Today

Mon, 30 May 2022 16:09:00 GMT

"We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow, we must open our hands." - Adolfo Perez Esquivel

Well, hello there.

If you’re seeing this, then that means I have taken my little seedling of an idea and decided to do something with it instead of stomping it to oblivion. That is actually pretty cool, go team!

I, being the words person that I am, have decided to create a home on the internet for all of my thoughts to live, they going to need to need a pretty big house. Taking a chance is scary there is always the:

“what if I fail?”
“what will people think about this?”
“did I just make a huge mistake?”
and my personal favorite “what makes me think I can do this, we know we are OBVIOUSLY going to fail?”

Instead of listening to the very loud voice in my head, I chose to take a different path, the one to pursue the courage to fail.

My name is Morgan Johnson welcome to The Modest Journal. My friend and family call me Mo, Moby, Morg-a-tosis, Chicken (if you are my fiancé), and MoJo. MOrgan JOhnson, get it? The MOdest JOurnal. See what I did there?

Okay, I will stop now.

I am a 25-year-old, engaged to my best friend, mother of fur babies (five to be exact), lover of Pittsburgh football, book-a-holic, INFJ, Capricorn, true-crime junkie, over-thinker, Office fanatic, older sister to one brother, best daughter my parents ever had sarcastic but motivational, honest/blunt to a fault, and 100% in love with words. This brings us to why we have gathered here today.

My therapist has said to me that I have a way with words, great comedic timing, and should write a book. These are some of the best compliments I have ever received, and they excite my soul because I humbly agree. I think the thing that means the most to me is that I truly believe those are her genuine feelings. I would LOVE to one day write a book. But for now, as I am not sure what I have to say and who would actually want to read it, I am starting small but mighty.

I am starting with a blog.

This blog is to serve as our corner on the internet that is real and authentic. I want this to be a place where we can talk about the hard things, and the scary things, to inspire each other, to share good books, to learn, to grow, and to step outside of our comfort zone.

Over the last couple of years, I have dived into the world of self-help and growth, and I want to share what I have learned with you. I am not an expert by any means, just a girl with a dream and a passion. I am curious to see just how big my little seedling can grow to be.

Jen Sincero, one of my favorite authors, inspirations, and talented badass, once said:

“So often, we pretend we’ve made a decision when what we’ve really done is signed up to try until it gets too uncomfortable.”

I love this quote so much that it’s actually been hanging on our fridge since I finishedYou are a Badass four years ago. I have made the decision to pursue this blog and tocontinue to pursue it, even when it becomes uncomfortable.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Thank you for taking a chance on a normal girl and her Modest Journal.

Love you more,

Morgan

Check this out Corner: One of my favorite books: You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

The Modest Journal

Entry 55: 29 Lessons Learned

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” ― William Shakespeare

Entry No. 54: The Day You Changed Our Lives

"And she loved a little boy very, very much — even more than she loved herself." — Shel Silverstein

Entry No. 53 : Never Again.

“If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night." - Mark Green

Entry No. 52: Permission to Pull Back

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm." — Unknown

Entry No. 51: Change Finds You

"Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end." — Robin Sharma

Entry No. 50: The Best News Ever

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on." — Carl Sandburg

Entry No. 49: 28 Lessons Learned

"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." - Voltaire

Entry No. 48: Your Body Remembers

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” - Maya Angelou

Entry No. 47: Less Is More

“ Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind but I just smiled and said I used to.”

-Wiz Khalifa

Entry No. 46: Which Tab Is The Music Coming From?

“If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, then this is the best season of your life.” — Wu-men

Entry No. 45: Important to me, Important to me not

"Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values." - Joshua L. Liebman

Entry No. 44: 27 Lessons Learned

"You were born and with you endless possibilities, very few ever to be realized. It’s okay. Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do.”

﻿ — Richelle E. Goodrich

Entry No. 43: Channeling A Tampon Commercial

"One must not let oneself be overwhelmed by sadness." - Jackie Kennedy

Entry No. 42: I Now Pronounce You Stressed And Done

“Don’t feel stupid if you don't like what everyone else pretends to love.”

﻿ - Emma Watson

Entry No. 41: Professional But Not Too Professional Hoop Jumper

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” - Rupi Kaur

Entry No. 40: You Don’t Understand, I’m Different.

“R emember to give yourself grace. To be as ready to forgive yourself as you do others.”

﻿ - Paula Faris

Entry No. 39: Let Me Add That To My TBR

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, " said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” - George R.R. Martin

Entry No. 38: One In A Miracle

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”― Theodore Roosevelt

Entry No. 37: Presence In The Present

“Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.” ― Regina Brett

Entry No. 36: I’m Totes In My #SocialMediaEra

“Social media is both a dark and brilliant thing for mental health.” Fearne Cotton

Entry No. 35: Homework From Heaven Part Three

“Grandmothers are a gift not to be taken lightly. So many lose them before they are old enough to know their magic.” - Nikita Gill

Entry No. 34: Homework From Heaven Part Two

“Great fathers get promoted to grandfathers.” Joseph Marshall III

Entry No. 33: Homework From Heaven Part One

"The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity."

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Entry No. 32: I See Now, Crystal Clear

“In a crystal we have clear evidence of the existence of a formative life principle, and though we cannot understand the life of a crystal, it is nonetheless a living being.” - Nikola Tesla

Entry No. 31: Hurry Up and Wait

“Patience is a key element of success.” - Bill Gates

Entry No. 30: We Have Reached Cruising Altitude

“Choice implies consciousness - a high degree of consciousness. Without it, you have no choice.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Entry No. 29: And How Does That Make You Feel

“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.”

- Augusten Burroughs

Entry No. 28: Alpha and Omega

“Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them.”

﻿ —Elisabeth Elliot.

Entry No. 27: I Won.

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”

― Jeanne McElvaney

Entry No. 26: I Saw That!

“I think it's so flattering that people would even give me enough attention to know about my private life.” - Janhvi Kapoor

Entry No. 25: You, Me, and a Boundary Between

“Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will get.” – Unknown

Entry No. 24: I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."–Aristotle.

Entry No. 23: Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200

“Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach them where the door is.” —Mark Groves

Entry No. 22: Per My Last Email

You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it. - Oprah Winfrey ﻿

Entry No. 21: Two Halves Equal A Hole

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” Unknown

Entry No. 20: Are You Gonna Finish That?

— Richelle E. Goodrich

- Emma Watson

- Paula Faris

—Elisabeth Elliot.

You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it. - Oprah Winfrey

- William James

"A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be." - Unknown

- Denis Waitley